mentality
Original title: What should I do if the pleasing personality feels tired? (quote)
Accept and Love Yourself Without Comparing (Theme)
readers to ask
Hello, I work in a company’s office. I usually have a lot of trivial things. When the leader assigns tasks, others will push me to do what others don’t want to do. I dare not refuse when my colleagues ask for help. I am always afraid that others will say that I am not good. My friends say that I am a pleasing personality. I feel very tired and want to change, but I don’t know what to do.
Jilin Houxian
Expert advice
Hi Hou Xian:
The pleasing personality is very common in life, whether it is an accomplished person or an unachieved person, there will be a pleasing personality. The biggest impact of the pleasing personality is that it cannot fully accept the true self, which affects the independence of personality.
Afraid to speak out your true inner thoughts, like to apologize, willing to cater to others, and don’t know how to refuse. The pleaser personality is very concerned about your own evaluation in the eyes of others, and will put other people’s evaluation first. Generally speaking, the biggest characteristic of this kind of personality is to hide their emotions and fear conflicts, so they often suppress their own needs.
To change the flattering personality, the best way is to face yourself truthfully, find a trustworthy relationship, and express your thoughts very honestly with each other, and you will find that being true will not damage your image.
Specifically, you must first learn to accept this imperfect world. You cannot control what others think, and at the same time, you are not obliged to fully agree with what others say. Self-worth is not determined by the random evaluation of others. Others are not obligated to like you, nor will they have too many thoughts on what you do, so put less pressure on yourself. When you can’t do something well, there is no need to be harsh on yourself, and you can continue to grow by summing up the lessons.
Secondly, we must learn to say “no” and have the courage to establish boundary awareness. Putting yourself first does not mean being selfish, you can find a quiet, undisturbed place, recall the things you have done in the past period of time, and make a list of things that you don’t like, but can’t help. Things done for others. Then, write why you don’t want to do those things. At this time, you will find that these things are against your principles.
“The things that ask me to help must conform to my values, otherwise I will refuse; I will guarantee eight hours of sleep today, if this busyness takes too much time, I will refuse…” Learn to obey your heart and believe in yourself. Because no matter how much praise you get from others, it’s not who you really are, and you’ll never be able to please everyone.
In addition, you don’t have to constantly compare yourself with others, accept and love yourself, and treat yourself like a good teacher and friend. If you have time, it is better to do something to please yourself, ensure adequate sleep, strengthen exercise, and maintain a good mental state.
People’s personalities are different from birth, and a pleasing personality is not necessarily bad or useless. I hope you will find a boundary that is comfortable for others and yourself as soon as possible.Rong Juan