BE afraid to eat an apple or drink a coffee, because theanorexia it has already taken possession of you, your thoughts, your life and your loved ones. A burden full of anxieties and fears for your mother, your father and your sister. It envelops you in a fog that drives away interests and friends. “Even the lightest thing for me was the heaviest in the world. Pasta was one of those things that terrified me the most. Before every meal I rationally tried to convince myself that it would do me nothing and that everything would be okay. , when they put the plate in front of me, everything suddenly turned black. My head was clouded and a real fight began between me and food “, says Gaia, a psychology student from Velletri who fought with this eating disorder from 15 to 20 years.
And give
In all, over three million people suffer from eating disorders (Dca). Mostly they are girls, but boys too are slowly becoming prisoners of anorexia and bulimia, of eating disorders. A problem that has increased by 30% in the dark days of Covid and which is celebrated today, March 15, on the occasion of the Lilac Ribbon. Lives often very young, because there are also more children who already at eight years decide to fast or to binge. 20% of new diagnoses concern children between the ages of 8 and 14. A problem that still affects many over-40s even though 89% of patients are adolescents. For everyone there is the psychological problem to face, the mind to heal, but also the body. 10-year-old girls with osteoporosis, complications from constant rushes to the bathroom to vomit in secret, values that splash for out-of-control binges.
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Stories of boys, women and men hostage to food, like that of Gaia and her family. For years he broke up dishes and lost weight, to the point of risking everything. “Meals lasted hours, I removed condiments, I divided the plate in half and there was no way that the plate under me was empty: something always had to be left over. It was a shame and a defeat for me to finish the meal. And when that happened, I punished myself heavily. With workouts to lose weight ”.
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Bullying
For Gaia it all started at 15 with attacks of bulimia and the first binges. She had a few extra pounds, but a lot to make the difference between her and a ‘popular’ girl. And create discomfort and discomfort. A situation worsened after a few episodes of online bullying. Perfectionism pushed her to show others that she could be different. He started, as many young people in similar situations do, a do-it-yourself diet. A seemingly harmless decision that led her to eat less and less. L’anorexia he was already there to threaten her. “In reality – he says – I never found a reason for what happened to me. I am very sensitive to the opinions of others, I had some problems but nothing serious. I had a quiet family.” But Gaia is keen to debunk all places common on eating disorders, which continue to be shrouded in many prejudices. “Anorexia is not a whim. It is not true, as it is often written that girls want to be like models and that they fast to be beautiful. Not so . They are dynamics that are part of the unconscious. When I realized I had a disorder it was too late. I was possessed by anorexia, I felt like I was going crazy “.
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Fighting against food
Over the days, over the months, Gaia became thinner and thinner. He had no other thoughts than to fight his only enemy: food. A situation that has isolated her more and more. “Friends were not close to me, on the contrary the illness was the beginning of the end of many of my friendships. Some have tried but I must admit that it was not easy to stay close to someone who was so sick. Very few have had the courage. Mine seemed like a whim, a simple desire to be thin. Honestly, it would have been much easier if it had been so, ”he says.
Gaia says she was obsessed with an internal voice that made her move on command, preventing her from eating well and leading a healthy life. In her head, the thought of the number of calories, the fat contained in the food and the exercises to pulverize everything that could make her gain weight thundered. All this for five long years.
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The desperate search for cures
A little more than a year after the beginning of the nightmare, the parents became aware of this disorder that knows how to hide with cunning. Thus began a long journey made up of visits, clinics and hospitalizations. A complicated road, given that anorexia consumes body and mind, but it also leads patients to face many difficulties in order to find adequate structures in which to treat themselves. “Without the commitment of my parents as well, now most likely I would not be here. They went out of their way to get me the necessary care even if it is paradoxical to have to fight in this way to get decent therapies. I live in Lazio, in Velletri, where I “There is a lack of specialized facilities. At first I went to a clinic in Rome, but they weighed me dressed. I have not improved, I lost time and in that situation every day is precious. Then at 16 I entered the center for disorders food of Todi dedicated to the DCs but my hospitalization did not go well, because I had no intention of leaving it. I weighed 38 kilos. They discharged me because I did not adhere to the treatment and, after a period at home, I ended up in hospital “.
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In a few days Gaia lost another 6 kilos, a situation defined by the doctors as “irrecoverable”. “The affection of my family was not enough for me to recover. Only when it hit rock bottom did I decide to react. When you are so sick you don’t think about your loved ones, about others. After six months in the hospital, however, I decided to ask Palazzo Francisci di Todi to welcome me again. It was not easy because in Italy there are few specialized centers like this one and the waiting lists are long. Once she got there, everything changed from day one. I was happy, I felt at home, I could be myself “.
In the six months spent in Todi in the first public structure dedicated to eating disorders, Gaia was followed by a multidisciplinary team made up of doctors, nutritionists, psychiatrists and nurses. “They saved my life by welcoming me into the facility. The psychotherapy was very useful, but also the work of the nutritionist and the company of all the girls with whom I understood myself with a simple glance. This was the only way I got out of it”.
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Today the word anorexia no longer scares her. He has regained weight and has a normal life, like so many boys. What would you recommend to other guys in this situation? “Trust me, let yourself go, just so you can get the life you want. We must find the way to challenge the disease. It is not important to understand how one got sick, nor if there are responsibilities. It does not come out blaming the parents. Today at 22 I am a normal weight and I study psychology at university. I started eating again because I realized that the problem wasn’t food, but maybe just the fear of living ”.
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