capable of psychologically supporting mothers and “mediators” in the family – breaking latest news

They are more involved in managing their children, not only in terms of practical support, but also emotionally, playing an important role as a filter between the mother-child dyad and the outside world. A pilot research conducted by Almed (High School in Media, Communication and Entertainment) of the Catholic University of Milan (as part of the Health Communication Monitor and Opinion Leader 4 Future projects) highlighted the domestic role of today’s dads capable, more than before, of psychologically supporting the mother, of being a family glue – especially with the other children – but also of bringing balance within the family, carrying out a mediating role between the public and the private dimension, explains Maria Grazia Fanchi director of Almed.

A filter to the external stimuli that reach new mothers

They also have the task of filtering the many stimuli that reach the new mother from the outside. The domestic space in the perinatal period is very “mediatized”. A mother at home with her baby physically alone but hyper-connected, overwhelmed by messages and information that often increase her confusion and performance anxiety. And here that the role of the father is crucial: in support mom emotionally and in helping her tune in to the outside world, Fanchi points out. If today’s dads are much more involved than they used to be, they still struggle to make that leap that would allow them to truly position themselves as a reference figure for the child, points out Chiara Ionio, professor of developmental and educational psychology at the Catholic University from Milan.

Cultural obstacles and acrobatics

I pap, especially in the first year of the baby’s life, they delegate a lot to the mother both for physiological reasons and because they are not yet in the “relationship” area (play) where they feel more competent. Although progress has been made with respect to gender equality, there are some on the care front dimensions, above all the “care”, which fathers still find it hard to think of as their own, even if they would have all the skills and qualities. There is still a cultural obstacle that affects their way of approaching the child: they are more helpers than equal “caregivers”. as if they were afraid to really get involved, says Ionio.

The father figure during early childhood, and then especially during pre-adolescence and adolescence, has the role of bringing the outside world into the domestic nest and promote, over time, the mother-child separation. The more they engage in the relationship with the baby from birth, the more effective their task of bringing “the world” into the house is, provided they manage to find a balance with their partner.

Parents poorly organized on the care front

Now even mothers are bearers of experiences from the outside thanks, for example, to work. E
d on this level that couples must find a balance: between care tasks and professional ones. But while today’s parents have organized themselves on the working front, on that of “care” the delegation is still too unbalanced on mothers, and this generates tensions, explains Ionio, who continues.

Parents must build an educational method that is unitary, a co-parentingessential for the child’s well-being and development. It means knowing how to support yourself in your choices and, as regards the main educational decisions, having a open comparison to then decide together and be, as much as possible, on the same wavelength.

No to authoritarian fathers, yes to the rules

With the times of authoritarian fathers gone, one must not fall into the error of favoring friendship models. The father must bring the rules, the norms, the authority, obviously shared with the mother. If this does not happen, the child feels lost, anxiety may appear in him. Parents should be thought of as the banks of a river. The more the child grows (the river gets bigger), the more the banks have to support him, containing him, without limiting him. Then when the river overflows (as happens in adolescence) the banks have the task of rearranging themselves to continue their role as a seal, only in this way will the river reach the sea, explains Ionio.

More informed but less experienced parents

Today’s parents move in a complex, very fast and hyper-stimulated scenario, and this makes them more fragile. If on the one hand they are better informed, on the other they have less experience in the fieldespecially in the context of the relationship and this generates stress. There is a need for today’s dads to recover their regulatory role but also that, together with their partner, they have an increasingly less child-centric approachwhich means: “to be there” but also to think about one’s needs, letting the children experience frustrations and get used to the “no”. Only in this way will they help them find the resources to cope with life’s small or big difficulties and we will have more serene children, adolescents and adults, concludes the expert.

Know how to manage conflicts

The image of a beautiful and conflict-free parenthood collides with reality, so much so that we are facing the most “screaming” generation of parents that has ever existed. The processes of emotional identification with the children, or even those of substitution (which lead mothers and fathers to “do” instead of the offspring) start from the narcissistic assumption of being pleasant and creating a situation of comfort, which is not possible. We need to put stakes, rules and on this level fathers are fundamental. Especially from the age of 11-12 there must be an educational convergence on the father, which means focusing on the “paternal function” represented by the reference to the rules, by the drive to face new challenges with courage, but also by the possibility of helping the children to develop skills and try new discoveries, he explains Daniel Novara pedagogist, counselor and director of the Psycho-Pedagogical Center for the education and management of conflicts (CPP).