Home Health Rishi, Boris, Keir etc: those wacky Brexit positions in full

Rishi, Boris, Keir etc: those wacky Brexit positions in full

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Rishi, Boris, Keir etc: those wacky Brexit positions in full

Understanding Brexit and all the different positions people take on this most important subject can be tricky. Here is a cut-out-and-keep guide

With renewed thanks to the Danish cartoonist Jens Hage

Rishi Altar:

Brexit is a roaring success. It may not look that way but if we keep saying it, our dim voters will believe us. Let’s face it: Brexit has unleashed opportunities we can only have dreamt of.


Who exactly says it’s been a failure? OK, it’s not quite as xenophobic as we might have liked but we’re getting there. We’ve put Johnny and Jenny Foreigner firmly in their places. When not on strike, our Border Force Rottweilers have successfully terrorised insolent French au pairs and silly Spanish girls coming to see boys they met on holiday.

We’ve helped our friends and allies in the DUP in the important task of trying to undermine the Good Friday Agreement. Gove may be an oaf but he was right to detest that silly woke deal. We’ve ditched all that unnecessary scientific research and thrown off the shackles of Erasmus to implement our own pound shop Turing. Things can only get better and better.


Jacob ReesMogg:

I always said it would take 50 years for benefits to appear. Only 44 to go!

From a brilliant Private Eye cover

Boris Johnson:

Blue passports! Imperial crests on pint glasses! We’ve made the world laugh (albeit at us). Come on Mr. President, get a grip!

ignore the overwhelming view of economists that it’s frankly a disaster, the unpolishable turd. What would they know? Why not ask my pals Beefy Botham and Nigel Farage. They are the real experts.

See also  the alarming correlation confirmed by a study

In any case, a bit of hardship never did anyone any harm – our Conservative governments have become very good at inflicting it without causng the least collateral damage to our Fat Cat croneys.

Never forget I got Brexit done!

Truss and Lord Frost:

We were spot on when we warned in 2016 that leaving the EU was crazy, a mindless project doomed to fail. And we both got nice little earners out of it!


Sir Keir Starmer :

Yes, yes it’s a hideous car crash of a policy. But I have to be mindful of my thick, foreigner-hating Red Wall so am pretending to be a Brexiter. I’ll make it work! How I haven’t a clue but that’s for another day. Just let my disingenuous U-turn get me elected!

Mick Lynch:

I know I’m pretty good as a strike leader and I run rings round ministers, bosses and aggressive broadcasters. But I’m also another mad Brexiter. You cannot have everything!

The World:

Have you Little Engerlanders taken leave of your senses?

The British Public:

Oops. Can we do the vote again?


Designed by Mike Bealing, worn by Monsieur Salut

Happy New Year everyone …

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