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Tell me what movie you watch and I’ll tell you what couple you are

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Tell me what movie you watch and I’ll tell you what couple you are

Seeing – or seeing again – a film can help us reflect on our way of interpreting love and life as a couple. As long as you can count on the right advice: the psychologist and psychotherapist Sarah Zamperlina cinema enthusiast, proposes for Valentine’s Day a journey of “24 films for the couple” – downloadable free from the internet – to watch alone or with two to address the most important issues, from choosing a partner to the difficulty of building a relationship that works.

A realistic idea of ​​love

“Today we tend to oscillate between two extreme visions of love, one idealized and glossy which sees the relationship as the only thing capable of guaranteeing us happiness, the other totally negative: if the couple doesn’t work, we change”, explains the psychotherapist, “when in reality it is important to understand how we choose those around us so as not to repeatedly fall into a wrong model”. And focus on a realistic idea of ​​love, “in which we take an active role, and if things don’t go well, we try to understand why we chose that person: sometimes we are attracted to someone very different from us, with whom we then don’t It’s easy to get along, even if it’s often exactly what initially attracted us that creates problems.”

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For each film a sheet with indications and suggestions

Each title is accompanied by a card that suggests ideas to explore and warns if the film deals with dramatic themes. “The route is designed above all for people between twenty-five and fifty years old, I chose relatively recent films that were available on digital platforms or in any case purchasable online”, explains Zamperlin. It ranges between various genres, even if comedy dominates: “I didn’t want to propose something too heavy”, comments the psychotherapist.

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There are lesser-known titles and much-loved films such as “When Harry Met Sally”, or Bridget Jones, which makes us reflect – like other films in the series – on impossible loves: “Only when she stops idealising a wrong person and begins to appreciate herself “, summarizes the psychotherapist, “Bridget manages to accept a relationship with a real man, with strengths and weaknesses”. An awareness that sometimes requires the help of a therapist: the film dedicated to this topic is The Marriage I Would Like, and it is also an opportunity to inform about what couples therapy can offer. Then the list could not miss “La La Land”, “which tells about falling in love, but also what happens when reality breaks into the story”.

We start by talking about choosing a partner with “The Shape of Water” by Guillermo del Toro, and with “Elemental”, a cartoon only apparently for children which tells the difficult relationship between Fire and Water. And then we laugh with “Meet my parents”, to reflect on how to relate to the partner’s family and the difficulty of separating psychologically from the family of origin.

But there is also talk of betrayal and a couple’s crisis: “Knowing that we can end a relationship that doesn’t work is an achievement, but we have to do it in a conscious way, trying to understand what didn’t work”, notes Zamperlin: “Generally we tend to blame the partner, but sometimes the problem is us.” And then there are idealized loves – which risk distancing us from reality – seduction and the fear of letting ourselves go to feeling. But also the nostalgia for the first love, and the reactions to the end of an important story, told through a classic like “If You Leave Me I’ll Erase You”: “In reality, the memory-erasing technology that the film talks about doesn’t exist, but if wanting to protect ourselves from pain is understandable”, recalls the psychotherapist, “trying to move on without questioning what that relationship was for us risks making us reenact the dynamics that didn’t work”.

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Not just couples

The route is designed for couples, “but it can also be used individually, for anyone who wants to delve deeper into the topic of love and couples” recalls Zamperlin. And for Valentine’s Day the release of the playlist “24 films for the couple” is scheduled, which collects 24 songs, one for each film, taken from the soundtrack (Su spotify come on apple music).

Couple relationships: how to start over after a betrayal or a crisis by breaking latest news 18 January 2024

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