Sometimes people show signs that belong to the sphere of anxiety, depression and relationships that they are not always able to recognize. The risk is that these dysfunctional behaviors find more and more space, to the point of making the person tired and unable to grasp the nuances of life. To help better elaborate their needs, Dr. Marinella Cozzolino – Psychologist, Clinical Sexologist and President of the Italian Clinical Sexology Association, as well as founder of Dimmy, online psychotherapy platform 7 days a week from 8 to 24 – highlighted 7 signs from do not underestimate, in the presence of which it is advisable to ask for help from a psychologist:
- Avoidance: it is a manifestation of anxiety which consists in avoiding, even if desired, a particular situation, since if I lived it I would feel anxiety. There are many examples: a young person can manifest avoidance by not going out with friends, an adult having difficulty undergoing job interviews or medical visits, difficulty going on a diet. The first step is to realize that you are doing an avoidance. The second is to make sure it doesn’t get worse. Because the danger is that the things I avoid will increase more and more.
- Aggression: it is manifested by those who are afraid and consequently attacks. In fact, insecurity often leads to aggression. It can manifest itself as verbal, physical towards oneself, others or other (I punch the wall, destroy objects). Very often it hides insecurity: the person hides his sensitivity and masks his fear of feeling inferior behind the aggression. Aggression is also a possible declination of anxiety.
- Difficulty in containing impulses: it is typical of those who cannot filter, those who have difficulties in relationships. They are people who quarrel with everyone, who have to say everything and cannot contain their instincts. It happens to them to slap a child, in pairs they throw objects at each other, they cannot stop drinking and above all eating. This is because eating also has to do with biting, with destroying. It’s a lonely burst of aggression.
- Drop in mood: it is one of the different nuances with which depression manifests itself. They exist for all days of melancholy and sadness, but they are functional to the person, since they have to do with the ability to look within, to be alone. However, if these moments are very frequent, we speak of a drop in mood: the person feels that he does not feel like it, does not have stimuli, not even one within a week. We should also be enthusiastic about the small things, not just the big ones. When you can’t say “How nice!” for too many days in a row you may need help.
- Compensation: Many depressions are defined as compensated. People who are emotionally or family depressed compensate by immersing themselves in work or doing a lot of sport. Basically compensating is healthy. For example, if my husband left me, I fill my days not to think. Unless you become addicted to the cure. Even though work heals my love wounds, I don’t have to work 19 hours a day anyway. I lose the taste of enjoyment. If I eat a chocolate I do it to savor it, if I eat 3 packs I am telling myself that I am depressed.
- Affective Dependence / Emotional Detachment: At the beginning of a relationship we are all “emotional addicts”. It is the quantity that makes the difference: how much space this behavior takes. My happiness depends on the other, which becomes a kind of drug, essential for feeling good. It is mostly feminine behavior. Emotional detachment, on the other hand, is more common in men. It is assumed that you do not need anyone. Yet avoiding a relationship leads to dating more women. In this way, no intimacy is established with any of them, nor does it create any addiction.
- Guilt: Binds to both anxiety and relationships. Young people feel it above all: “I feel guilty for leaving mum at home, for asking for more money, for spending Christmas out because mum and dad are upset”. It’s okay to feel guilty, because it means getting in touch with your responsibilities. As long as they are true and not the children of their own anxiety or dysfunctional relationships.