Warning. The language of this column is direct and explicit.
A male friend – not the best I have but still close – told me that his wife is very attracted to me, male myself, and asked me if I am attracted to her. The wife is truly a bomb, and it seemed like a trick question to me. I’m a reader of your column and a podcast listener, Dan, so I know there are men who like their wives to sleep with others, of course, but I didn’t want to risk offending my friend by saying “FUCK YES” too much. quickly. When he convinced me it wasn’t a trap, I told him that obviously I wanted to have sex with his wife. She is really beautiful, and a wonderful person. I told him I’m not bisexual in the least, that I don’t like having threesomes with another male, and he said he wouldn’t even be there. He just wants to know all the details later, and to hear them from me, not her. I’ve slept with his wife four times since then, and the sex is phenomenal for both of us. But talking about it later with my friend makes me uncomfortable. We talk on the phone at the end of the day or the next day, I give him the details and I insult him a little, he likes it, and honestly this is not a problem. What makes me uncomfortable is the fact that during these phone calls I hear him masturbating. So I feel like I’m having phone sex with a male. It puts me in trouble and it seems to me that our friendship has taken a sexual turn that is just unnatural to me. The only time we met in person after I fucked his wife, he was visibly aroused the whole time. I would like to continue fucking my wife, and she would like to too, but I don’t want to talk to my friend about it anymore. Shouldn’t she be content with knowing that I fuck her?
– Distressed Aussie Chafes Under Cringe Kink
PS He likes it, not her. His wife loves having sex with me, but she doesn’t need phone calls with her husband.
It is clear that knowing that you are fucking his wife is not enough for him. If that’s enough, DACUCK, he wouldn’t want to hear you on the phone afterwards.
The point here is consent. If your friend allows his wife to have sex with others on the condition that it is told afterwards – and told by the men in question – for the sex she has with others to be consensual, this condition must be met. It is true that post-hoc phone calls are not meant to turn his wife on, DACUCK, but if they are the ones that allow her to go with other men and she likes that, well, then the calls are also for her. You don’t have to talk to your friend about it if it makes you uncomfortable – of course – but if you refuse, DACUCK, then your friend may withdraw his consent to fuck your wife. The two may be willing to review these conditions for you, DACUCKS, and so asking doesn’t hurt. But if he says no, you won’t fuck your wife anymore. Or if he tells you no and his wife keeps fucking you, well, in that case she would really cheat on him, rather than “cheat” him for fun.
Widening the shot: you knew this thing turned on your friend before you fucked your wife. You knew he was a cuckold, meaning that at some point he would jerk off thinking about you and your cock. Even if in retrospect he didn’t want to hear about it directly from you, and if the third degree did it to his wife, the fact remains that your friendship sexualized the moment he asked you to fuck his wife and you agreed.
So the problem is not sexualizing the friendship, nor knowing that he jerks off thinking about you. The problem is having to hear him doing them while you’re on the phone, or seeing him visibly aroused when you meet. And there is a relatively easy solution to this (I love solvable problems!). Instead of calling him after you fuck his wife, record a long, detailed voice littered with insults on your phone and send it to him. That way you can keep fucking your wife, he can keep hearing about it, and you won’t have to listen to him doing what you knew very well he would do after you fucked his wife, which is to fuck him furiously thinking about you.
I am a 20 year old heterosexual and I live in the southern United States. I am having problems with my fiance. We’ve been together for almost three years, very happily, but with a fairly dull sex life. The really weird thing is that sex, when we do it, is always good. Intense and fulfilling. But making it happen is becoming difficult. My fiance has a lower libido, but the gap isn’t huge. I want to have sex two or three times a week, he like one. We have reached a compromise of two. Sex, however, is repetitive and mundane. We always do it on the same days – Sunday and Wednesday – and since there is not the slightest spontaneity it becomes boring for me. Moreover, he is never the one to take the initiative. He has a history of promiscuity – before we got together he was with a hundred women – and that’s fine by me. But he confessed to me that he lacks promiscuity, and that monogamy is difficult for him. He says he loves me, and he wants to make the relationship work. He is the person I would like to marry, but sexually I have the feeling that I am content. Help me please.
–Becoming Annoyed Now About Lovemaking
Sex, when you do it, is intense and satisfying … but at the same time repetitive and banal because there is no spontaneity. The most obvious answer is – in fact – obvious: if having sex on the same days and in the same place ruins the intensity and satisfaction, BANAL, how about not doing it on the same days or in the same place? Also, being you the one taking the initiative – which is unlikely to change: it is easier to make a cheating partner faithful than an enterprising partner – the task of determining where and when it is up to you. You’ve already reached the twice-a-week compromise, which is down for you and up for him (so you earned it), and now you just have to take the initiative in different days, times and places. Easy Come Easy Go.
We come to the not obvious answer, BANAL: you have to listen to what your boyfriend tells you. Monogamy is difficult for everyone, not just him, but for some it is more difficult than for others. And asking a person who finds it very difficult to commit to being monogamous… well, that’s not what you call an ideon. The responsibility is not yours alone; Those who lose their libido when in a monogamous couple and / or those who are much more interested in sex when they can fuck around should not engage in monogamy. Or at least not immediately. Your fiancé may not be okay with monogamy now, BANAL, but that doesn’t mean it won’t go forever. Just as you may not be okay with scheduling sex now that you’re in your twenties, but that doesn’t mean a little scheduled sex won’t go forever.
(Translation by Matteo Colombo)
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