Warning. The language of this column is direct and explicit.
I am a 71 year old homosexual married to a much younger man. So far so good, it is not relevant if not as simple information. Fifteen years ago I took Prozac for a short time. While it dulled my libido, the orgasms I was able to have at the time were stratospheric. I even talked about it with the doctor, who dismissed me saying: enjoy it. Very good. But fifteen-odd years later – mostly without Prozac (I didn’t take it for long) – the orgasms remained stratospheric. Those of the husband last in the norm, from five to eight seconds, while mine continue for a good thirty seconds, and then leave me out of action. I don’t know if it has anything to do with it, but sometimes I also get a short but ferocious headache. Very rarely do I also experience some sort of postorgasmic disorientation, like a feeling of “déjà vu” that lasts for hours. I went to a neurologist, but he could not give me explanations. I’m afraid these orgasms will do me permanent damage. Do you think such explosive episodes risk hurting me? I have sex a couple of times a week and it always happens to me.
– Massive Orgasms And Neurological Symptoms
There are those who have severe headaches just before or after orgasm, and these “sexual headaches”, as doctors call them, although very annoying are not life-threatening. If you use Viagra or poppers (which should never be combined), they may be the ones that cause or worsen your headaches.
As for the other symptoms, a recent study cited by the London Times may provide some indication. The study, published in a scientifically reviewed medical journal, deals with postorgasmic disease syndrome. post orgasmic illness syndrome or Pois), a rare sexual dysfunction that affects a tiny percentage of men. A man, in essence, can become allergic to his own sperm, and his immune system can organize a response to the “abandoned” sperm that have come out of his balls but not his body.
“Not many doctors, let alone the population, are aware of it,” Andrew Shanholtzer, a medical student at Oakland University and lead author of the study, told The Times. “It is very likely that it is not diagnosed, and that many have it without knowing it.”
Considering that symptoms include fatigue, disorientation and headaches, plus a number of flu-like symptoms, MOANS, it’s possible that you are also suffering from it without knowing it.
The study illustrates how Shanholtzer treated a young man with Pois with symptoms that were apparently far worse (and far less fun) than yours: cough, swollen lymph nodes, hives. Using an antihistamine reduced the severity of symptoms by more than 90 percent. The study will be published in the issue of Urology Case Reports of November 2022 (Post orgasmic illness syndrome successfully treated with antihistamine: A case report, Shanholtzer, et al), in case you want to print it, show it to your doctor. Or who knows, maybe it’s really that Prozac you took for a moment fifteen years ago, and the antihistamine wouldn’t help.
Anyway, MOANS, sooner or later it’s everyone’s turn… and I can think of far worse ways to leave than a gigantic orgasm in the eighth decade of my life.
I am 41 years old and have been married in a monogamous couple for twenty-two. I know you’re doing the math but no, it wasn’t a shotgun wedding. We were two high school sweethearts who went to college, graduated, married and consolidated professionally before having two children. Both children, who are still small, were diagnosed with autism. It goes without saying that our lives have become more challenging. A couple of years ago, my wife fell in love with a woman (X) and she proposed that I try polyamory. She argues that her love for her for X doesn’t hurt her feelings for me, and that X partly represents an escape from life’s hardships. I believe her, which doesn’t make it easier for me. I tried to meet her in every way, including establishing a true, loving and sexually active relationship with X. Nevertheless, the acclimatization path to polyamory created more distance between us (my wife and me) than I would have welcome. To complicate matters, I have forged a strong bond with another woman (Y), and while Y sends strong signals that the feeling is mutual, she at the same time has a stable relationship that would seem happy and monogamous. I would like to confess my love to Y, but I haven’t done so yet out of respect for her, for her partner and for their young children. I would also be sorry to lose her as a friend of hers. Can a declaration of love do damage?
– Paralyzed Over Love’s Yearning
You have a wife, you and your wife share a girlfriend (X), and your only objection to polyamory is that it makes you feel less close to your wife. Adding another ball to this juggling number – courting a married woman and sometimes her with children – is unlikely to get you close to your wife. But perhaps the goal is not closeness. Perhaps it is having a person of your own, who is an escape route for you as X was for your wife, a person chosen by you and not imposed. And maybe this person is really Y … or maybe not (I haven’t seen a video of the exchange, I have no evidence of what Y may have said or done to lead you to believe he was 1. in an open pair, and 2. interested in a romantic relationship with you).
Coming to your question: can a declaration of love do any harm? Let me enumerate the ways.
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You confess your love to Y … and in fact it’s mutual, as suggested by her behavior (you weren’t thinking with the bird), but she loves her husband too, they are a closed couple and now – now that the cards are up – she feels like having to stay away to avoid the temptation you represent. Friendship ends.
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You confess your love to Y… and it’s not mutual. Thinking with the bird has led you to misunderstand friendly gestures or simple courtesies between coworkers as “strong signals” of Y’s attraction to you (we humans must always guard against thinking with the bird). Now Y, fearing that even the pleasantries are mistaken for “interest”, begins to avoid you. The friendship as it was ends.
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You confess your love to Y … and it is, in fact, mutual (the bird does not always think), she and her husband are an open couple, she is free to have extramarital affairs and, despite the young children at home, she has enough space to hang out … and this new relationship, as it almost always happens, runs out quickly, leaving you, how to say, not exactly alone – you always have a wife and girlfriend – but more unhappy with the situation (and polyamory) than you were before .
I woke up a little in the mood for risks, but here it seems to me that a lot of damage can be done. If I were you, and had your parenting responsibilities, I would focus on the two balls I’m already spinning, without adding a third.
***
I am a phony dominatrix. I would be versatile, but my long-distance girlfriend has always been more submissive than me. When she convinced me to make a bondage pact, I lived with stress the idea of entering a situation in which I should always be dominant, when in reality I feel lonely every now and then. For a while it was nice, but with the distance the relationship between girlfriends dissolved and I began to find d / s roles exhausting. I have a full life and little time for erotic games, plus I’m not a real dominant, I’m just playing when I’m in the mood. She still loves being “submissive 24 hours a day”, but I feel trapped and I don’t tell her anything so as not to ruin the friendship. The same problem arises when neither of us was able to tell the other that she wanted to leave her. I’m not sure what to do.
– Someone That Really Enjoys Submissive Service
The d / s relations are real – they are true relations – but the d / s component is not real. It’s a game, it’s a cops and robbers for adults without underwear, a role-playing game live in which he fucks. And when the game no longer enjoys all players, STRESS, someone has to stop it. And it looks like that someone has to be you. She remembers: you both wanted to end the romantic relationship – your being engaged – but one of the two had to say it first. Only then did you realize you were in tune: you both wanted to leave. For all you know, STRESS, your ex may want to keep submitting as much as you do to keep dominating her, and she is silent for fear of hurting you. I say that, if the friendship was strong enough to survive the breakup of the romantic relationship, STRESS, it is likely to survive the termination of a pretend-slavery contract as well. And if she doesn’t want to be friends with you anymore – if really the price of the ticket is to play a sex game you don’t like anymore – then it wasn’t a friendship to be preserved.
(Translation by Matteo Colombo)