Encouraging children to live with elderly parents should not be understood as an “intervention”
It is through policy adjustments to move away from the “stumbling blocks” that prevent adult children from living together with their parents.
On November 24, the “Opinions of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of China and the State Council on Strengthening Work on the Elderly in the New Era” was released, which mentioned that support policies such as housing will be studied and formulated to encourage adult children to live nearby or live with their elderly parents.
This topic quickly rushed to the hot search. A media outlet conducted a survey on Weibo on “Are you willing to live with your parents”. About 5,000 people participated. One-fourth of them would like to live with their parents, and one-fourth were unwilling, fearing that there would be conflicts. Nearly half of the people chose “the ideal condition to live nearby”. In other words, almost three-quarters of people want to be closer to their parents.
To be honest, there must be something I don’t want, there are too many real cases in reality. Two years ago, a ninety-year-old old man in Jiangjin, Chongqing, went to the court to sue his son. He did not want his son to pay alimony, but wanted to live with his son, but the son was unwilling and had a bad attitude towards the old man. After the court mediation, the son finally realized that the old man was too lonely and needed spiritual comfort. In Hangzhou, there was a completely opposite case. Aunt Wang, who was in her eighties, went to the court to sue her son and asked her son who had been living with her family to move away. The son did not move. Later, she went to the court to apply for enforcement and finally returned the old man. The family who abused her son drove out…
It is not difficult to see from these cases whether parents and children are willing to live together and whether the kinship between different families is harmonious. If the aforementioned online survey is aimed at children, some media in Henan has conducted a survey on the wishes of the elderly: the younger the elderly, such as those who have just retired and are healthy and healthy, they are relatively more willing to live with their children. Low, some make it easier to understand their children’s expectations for the “small family” not to be disturbed; some others want to enjoy “freedom” and don’t want to be chained by their children before, but are now chained by their grandchildren. With age, the physical condition deteriorates, especially after living alone, the willingness of the elderly will change. Single elderly and elderly people have the strongest desire to live with their children.
To give a real example, my mother lived alone before the age of 80. She was neither willing to be constrained by her children nor to cause trouble to her children. But recently she fell ill and she naturally accepted the move. Going back to take care of her reality, she also sighed and said, “It’s not enough to refuse to accept the old.”
The same is true for young people. When they are single or just married, they are naturally unwilling to live with the elderly; once they have children, the elderly in the family become the main force to help with the children. And living with the elderly often brings about all kinds of family conflicts. With the accumulation of time, it is likely to pave the way for future unwillingness to live together. It can be seen that whether the willingness to live together is likely to be a phased dislocation between the elderly and their children.
Of course, it’s one thing to think about it, but it’s another thing to be able to do it. This is the value of “encouraging living nearby or living together” as a top-level design. Its goal is not to solve the specific situations faced by each family. It represents a policy tendency and an institutional arrangement for the elderly. .
To put it simply, it must adopt policy adjustments to move away from the “stumbling blocks” that hinder adult children from living together with their parents. For example, is it convenient for the elderly to move with them when their children are far away from their hometowns to work hard or start a family? When the cost of living and living in big cities is too high for the whole family to live in, can the hometown provide sufficient opportunities for young people to return to their hometowns to start businesses and find jobs? There are also medical insurance and pension benefits for the elderly. Can they be reimbursed and received across provinces? Is it convenient enough? This is the big picture, and there are details. For example, if you want to live together, the type of improved housing will also change according to market demand. Even the supporting facilities of the community, the public service for the elderly in the community, and the installation of elevators in old houses. Advancement, etc., will all be problems to be solved after moving the whole body.
It is said that it is best to keep a “bowl of soup” away from your parents, that is, the soup will not be cold after serving a bowl of soup. You don’t have to live in the same roof and have conflicts, and you can always take care of each other. But ideals and reality are like the gap between a seller show and a buyer show. There is always too much love that has to lie between each other. Policy encouragement is not an intervention in individual choice. It is more a guarantee for the elderly of today and our future retirement options.
Chengdu Commercial Daily-Red Star News Special Commentator Ma Qing
(Editor in charge: Miao Su)