Energetic Lovers – Dan Savage

Warning. The language of this column is direct and explicit.

A friend put me in touch with a much younger dude to get me some weed and more. We will call it “il Belloccio”. Belloccio knew something about me – he had been to a party at my house – and I knew something about him: that he is a stoner, like our mutual friend. In general, stoners have consensuality very much at heart, and before meeting us Belloccio asks me if he can bring the spanking paddles. We talk about it and I tell him that for me there may be a little pain, but that in general it leaves me quite indifferent (apart from the pacifiers. I love the pacifiers). In a nutshell: the Belloccio thinks he is a great fuck because he has it big and he bangs you long and hard. My pussy hadn’t been touched for nearly three years, but as far as I know “ouch” is a universal safety word! Maybe I should have chosen a better one, because I had to repeat it a lot of times! I thought it was the heat of the moment, so I didn’t get angry and agreed to see him again. This time a lot more ouch, but on both sides (pacifiers!). The next day, I try to figure out how to manage it. I discover an object called Ohnut and I tell Belloccio that I will put the money there. Anything, just to make the plungers less ouch. This exchange follows:

Donna Abrasa: “But I guess it has already happened, right?”.

Belloccio: “Of course, ahahaha”.

There I get angry. The dickhead knew it! She did it on purpose! I ask him point blank if it’s something that turns him on and he doesn’t answer me. Which amounts to a yes. Now I’d like to set it on fire. But there is a problem: the Belloccio is the most attractive thing he has had the pleasure of getting his hands on. I told him I’m used to channeling anger into twisted revenge plans, usually too crazy to carry them out. But I screwed him up with the guy he introduced us to. As for the Belloccio, I could tell him to sit down, shut his mouth and listen to my version, but it is a message that I have already conveyed (see: ouch). Maybe I should just slam the door and lock it, but he’s so handsome! And I’ve never had lovers who weren’t disreputable. So that’s too much, isn’t it? True?

– Boys Are Supposed To Ask Right, Dan?

PS I didn’t come both times!

So, the Belloccio doesn’t care if you come or not, ignores your reactions during intercourse and has violent sex even knowing that it can cause pain – of the unwelcome one – to his partners. In short, the fuck of your dreams.

By that, of course, I mean you don’t have to fuck us. But it is evident that you are tempted to fuck us again, BASTARD, as you can see from your letter (letter that took me an hour to review to make it more, er, clear.) You want to rediscover the Belloccio because it is the “most attractive thing “That you have ever touched. Belloccio is so good, BASTARD, that you are tempted to fuck him even if after you told him you were in pain you wanted to set him on fire. So, BASTARD, having a good fuck buddy is a great thing, but having a good fuck buddy – see also: bono boyfriend, hot girlfriend or bon boyfriend – who is poor, selfish and disrespectful in sex is just like owning a house. with a splendid view that stands next to an incinerator. Sooner or later you get used to the sight and start taking it for granted, BASTARD, after which you only notice the stench.

However, if you are inclined to give the Belloccio the benefit of the doubt, BASTARD, finding a foothold would not be difficult. He is young! It’s perfectly possible that all the women he has fucked with in his short life his style – long and hard pounding – liked it! It is equally possible that those women were disgusted with his style, and that like you they hoped that Belloccio, hearing “ouch”, would stop, ask them for feedback and adjust the shot. But since he is either unable or unwilling to do it, to get him to fuck you without causing you physical pain you will have to use words and what you can actually leverage with him, which is your pussy, not friends. common.

Tell him that if he wants to get back into it, he has to treat her / treat you differently. More foreplay, slower, with the lubricant, not putting it all in (with or without Ohnut) … whatever you have to do to make your relationship more comfortable and enjoyable must be declared (by you!) And enforced (idem!) As an indispensable condition because Belloccio can get close to your cunt again. And if he laughs, BASTARD, set him on fire. *

PS What happened to the pallets?

I am a cis woman in a couple for eight years with a cis man. Sex is fantastic, especially because we favor harmony, play and pleasure over penetration or orgasm, two things that also abound. My partner lasts a long time, and comes about once in three. When we penetrate, half the time it exceeds both my orgasm and the lube, meaning that when the friction becomes painful, I stop and he comes out, or he doesn’t. This approach works for us, and sex is invariably great! The problem is, we decided to try to have a child, which he has to come inside me for. I’m afraid that too much attention to this aspect puts him so under pressure that it makes sex less fun. I’m also afraid it makes it even more difficult for him to ejaculate. Do you have any tips to make everything more carefree? Maybe a way to make the lubricant last longer? Is it possible to add a touch of eroticism to the procedure? Or is bad sex inevitable when trying to have a baby?

– Conception Really Impeding My Pleasures

Poor sex, when trying to conceive a child, is a little bit part of the game, CRIMP, and it could be the least of your problems.

I realize that serious complications are the last thing a woman wants to think about, when actively trying to get pregnant, but I am reading chilling stories about what happens in conservative states. Credible and in-depth reports, in newspapers such as the New York Times, which talk about women who, despite wanting to get pregnant, found themselves in the need to abort due to an ectopic pregnancy (when the fetus implants itself outside the uterus), women who had to abort because they had had a miscarriage and part of the fetal tissue remained inside, and women who risked their lives because doctors had to wait for the go-ahead from management or lawyers before providing them with the necessary treatment.

I therefore hope that you and your partner can conceive easily, encounter no complications and receive all the medical assistance you may need during your desired pregnancy, which may include (unfortunately, in the case of desired pregnancy) assistance for an abortion. Which is a long turn of phrase to say “I hope you live in a democratic state”. As for how to add eroticism to your attempts at conception …

So on the spot, CRIMP, three ways come to mind. If your partner finds the idea of ​​getting pregnant arousing – filling yourself with his semen, giving you a baby – you may want to go for that by stimulating him with words during sex. If he has a tendency to be submissive, order him to come only with your permission. If you keep track of your fertile days, give them permission to come only on those of ovulation; otherwise, orgasms for you and orgasms denied for him (Do you live in a republican state? Don’t track ovulation with an app, CRIMP, because, in the event of a miscarriage, a hyper-zealous forced labor prosecutor may request the data as evidence). And if your partner manages to cum regularly by masturbating, those squirts don’t go to waste. Keep a kitchen syringe in your nightstand and, if you’re home, have it brought right away, lesbian couple style.

***

Listening to the Savage Lovecast I realize that sometimes they call listeners speak live, because the questions or comments are a pure stream of consciousness, while other times they seem to read. Do people write a script for phone calls? Are you the one who contacts the people you want to host and have them recorded in advance so that they are clearer or have a better sound?

– Savage Callers Reading Into Phones Totally Suss

Usually I don’t answer the questions about podcast in the column and vice versa, SCRIPTS, but today there is some space left on the internet: there are listeners who improvise the questions, others who write them. I prefer off-the-cuff questions, or phone calls in a stream of consciousness, because they sound less “written” than those read. But there are those who get upset at the idea of ​​asking a question (or comment), and writing in advance helps to organize thoughts, SCRIPTS, as well as to keep the questions under three minutes as Nancy likes (the producer of the Lovecast ).

Straight Rights Watch: Last week the House of Representatives approved a bill – now for Senate scrutiny – to protect the right of every American citizen to use contraceptives. Only 8 Republicans voted in favor; 195 voted against. They really want to get your birth control off you guys, just like Clarence Thomas said in the reasons for voting on the Dobbs ruling. They’ve already seen employees of the Walgreens pharmacy chain refuse to sell condoms to heterosexual couples because they believe that sex should always lead to conception, even what they don’t do themselves. If these assholes win it, all you have to do is take it off **. And at this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if the same assholes, the ones who didn’t want to sell you condoms in 2022, in 2032 would break down your bedroom door and force it back in while you’re there to get it out. Because their bible says it: Jesus does not want the seed to be scattered on the earth, or on the floor, or in the face or anywhere else.

* To him, metaphorically, and to his reputation.

** In addition to anal, oral, non-penetrative sex, mutual masturbation, virtual sex and sex toys. But we understood each other. And hello to all my Canadian readers who don’t have to worry about this stuff. At the moment.

(Translation by Matteo Colombo)