Warning. The language of this column is direct and explicit
I have been living with my fiance for a year. I met him on FetLife and I told him clearly that I was in an open couple (at the time), and that more than a story I was looking for a sexual understanding. But one thing led to another, shortly after we declared our love to each other, and he told me he wanted to have children with me. Shortly before she came to live, however, I discovered that she was still texting with others, even though she asked me not to chat and not to sext or have sex with other men. He is often disgusted with the things I like, he teases me about the porn I watch, says it sucks (he has it with my passion for cuckolding), and even though friendship between men and women is not for him. may exist has remained friends with some former lovers. He hides from me the fact that he masturbates, but when I do, he always wants to be present. He says he has no secrets sexually, but by browsing I found that he watches porn videos with words like “trans”, “effeminate”, “gay” and “fat black” in the title. He makes me feel inferior because I doubt that I am not his type, since he hides all these other interests from me, while I cannot hide anything from him. I also fear that the “passion” for my black ass is a fetish like that for trans women. He always says he doesn’t want to “impose” rape-themed role-playing games on me, but I like sex of all kinds, not just soft porn movies, at least until someone pokes my tits like they were knobs in a drawer. I feel a bit ‘at the end of the line. I have already written to a lgbtq-friendly couple therapist because we are both afraid that it will end between us. But I cannot continue to ignore its half-truths, the two weights and the two measures, and its hypocrisy.
– Feeling Extremely Tense
This guy looks to me equally messed up and asshole. And it is he who has to remedy – recover – by himself. You can’t do it for her, FET, and I would advise against trying to use the relationship as leverage. Because staying with him despite the half-truths, the two weights and the two measures, the hypocrisies – continuing to be humiliated and manipulated – the message you give is: “It’s okay, you’re okay and we’re fine together”. Maybe I shouldn’t say “the message you give”, FET, because it’s not your fault. But he will read your desire to stay together and work on the relationship – as if the relationship is the problem – as proof that he, on himself, doesn’t have to work. He’ll think he can continue to be an overbearing asshole, manipulator and big stick… because he always gets along.
When your boyfriend is “disgusted” by the things you like, when he says that the porn you watch sucks, he projects the shame he feels for the out of the ordinary (and absolutely gorgeous) stuff that turns him on. When someone vomits their shame on you, FET, your best bet is to get away from the splashes. And for the record: I don’t think the boyfriend is messed up because he has more sexual interests than he admits, or loves other kinds of women besides you, or men, and role-based and / or taboo-based power games. kind. And the fact that he hides his attraction to trans women from you is not in itself proof that it is a fetishistic attraction, or that it is for you. You don’t know how she would relate (or relate to) a trans partner. What you know is that he treats you like shit, makes you uncomfortable with yourself, and demands absolute transparency that he doesn’t practice in turn. Fuck him off and stop.
PS Please don’t let his shit about what turns you on make you feel less desirable. The simple fact that you enjoy cuckolding makes you a blessing, FET, because there will be at least a hundred times more men who are passionate about cuckolding than women. It wouldn’t take long to replace one who humiliates your interest in cuckolding with another who worships it.
PPS In my opinion, FET, there were no prerequisites for snooping, nor the need. You knew everything there was to know about him before you even looked at his history. You should have left him when he asked you to delete male and ex friends from your life.
I am a 26 year old gay who is with an undeclared 30 year old. No problem. Each declares himself with his own times. We have been together for three years, we have been living together for two. There too, no problem. I like living together. Except that he “jokingly” calls me his “fagot roommate”, and sometimes with mutual friends he teases me about homosexuality, so they don’t think he’s gay too.
– Just Over Keeping Everything Secret
Each declares himself with his own times: yes, boh, ok. But an undeclared adult gay can’t dump insults on a declared gay partner to mislead mutual friends (from his breath to the smell of cock). Unless certain things turn you on, JOKES, and you wrote me to brag about it (there’s no question mark in your email), this guy has to fuck off and stop.
I am a fit and healthy 66 year old woman (53 years old as a vegan, and not a sick day!). They tell me I have about forty, not bad! After twenty years of marriage, I stepped aside, and for eighteen years I didn’t even go out to dinner with a man, as a single mother of three and with a job. Six years ago I know one. At the time I was a bit on the square, and I thought it was the same for him. Well, I found out that he later made me “follow and monitor”, and got to enter my computer by finding an erotic email exchange with another. We weren’t a closed couple, and years later, even today, at the first opportunity, he reproaches me an email that I once wrote to another. He even told me that at first he dated others. Obviously he frequented them! Not a problem for me at all, but paying someone to follow me bothers me! (he even accused me of having sex for money, saying he has proof! Nothing more false!). We’re officially engaged, and I’m postponing the wedding. For the rest he treats me very well. What’s wrong?
– Engaged Dame Grows Edgy
This thing – hitting you in the face whenever he can an email that wasn’t his business – is psychological violence, and marrying him will only make it worse. Some things get worse with marriage, when lawyers and courts have to be put in the middle to escape from such a person. Fuck him off and stop. There is a big difference between snooping in a moment of weakness and hiring a private investigator to be stalked. With someone like that – one who essentially contracts out stalking to third parties – you don’t have to give it up in person, or talk about it. You come first, EDGE. Text him and block him, it’s more than he deserves.
PS Veganism is good and eating plants is good for the planet. And it’s great that you didn’t get sick one day! But sooner or later we will all die, and some of us will do so with a slice of four cheeses between our greasy fingers.
(Translation by Matteo Colombo)