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In languages, relatives are not all the same

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In languages, relatives are not all the same

Merry Christmas from the family, a country song launched by Robert Earl Keen in 1994, tells the story of a crowded family gathering filled with champagne punch, Christmas carols and turkey. Many will recognize the chaos described by the narrator: moreover, they will identify with his difficulty in remembering how he is connected to the various guests. “Fred and Rita drove here from Harlingen,” Keen whispers, “I don’t remember how we are related.”

This may have something to do with the English language. It is often joked that anyone around your age is a “cousin”, regardless of their actual relationship, and anyone a little older is an “uncle” or “aunt”. English is quite essential in the use of terms to refer to family members. Other languages ​​pay much more attention to detail.

Take for example the case of “brother” and “sister”. Societies that value age-related hierarchies very often have different terms for an older brother or sister and a younger brother or sister. In Mandarin they are respectively ge, they, from e mei (usually doubled in spoken language, for example didi); in Japanese they are years, ane, ototo e the car. Although generic alternatives exist for some specific situations (to indicate for example the abstract concept of siblingbrothers and sisters), in these languages ​​it would be strange not to specify a person’s seniority.

Respect for the elderly
Let’s move on to marriage relationships. English just adds a cold in-law to refer to relationships acquired through a spouse. The French have the warmest beau- o belle- (stepmother is the mother-in-law, brother in law the brother-in-law, and so on), which at least means “beautiful” and does not refer to a bureaucratic link.

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Other European languages ​​have different words for many different relatives acquired through marriage. Those who learn Spanish must memorize brother-in-law/sister-in-law, son-in-law, daughter-in-law, e father in law mother in lawwhose English counterparts would be brother-/sister-, son-, daughter- e father-/mother-in-law. The Spanish even distinguishes brother-in-law (the brother-in-law / the sister-in-law, who is the brother or sister of one of the two spouses) from brother-in-lawspouse of spouse’s sister or brother, which is something like co-brother/sister-in-law. It also has the term brotherhoodwhich indicates when speaking of things about which little is known by posing as authority, an expression similar to mansplaining in English.

From here on, things get very complicated. Arabic takes into account which side of the family the speaker’s uncles or aunts come from: amm o but is an uncle or aunt on father’s side, while a khal o cry he is an uncle or aunt on his mother’s side. Those who enter the family by marriage, however, do not access the same titles. Your wife amm it does not become yours butbut it defines itself zawjat al amm, or “uncle’s wife”, in case you forget which of the two is your father’s brother or sister. The same happens with cousins, who do not have a distinct term but are, depending on the case, the son or daughter (ibn o ibna) of yours amm, but, khal o cry.

The Chinese makes many similar distinctions. His system is even more complex, as in many cases the speaker has to remember whether a relative is older or younger than he or she, whether their parents’ relatives are older or younger than them, and so on. There are many parlor theories about the relationship between language and culture that don’t stand up to closer scrutiny. However, it is quite plausible that the fact that East Asian languages ​​place so much importance on seniority is related to the weight Confucianism places on respect for elders and ancestors.

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Finally, it is curious that English does not have a term that describes the crucial relationship between the parents of a married couple. Hebrew and Yiddish have mehutanim e machatunimand the Spanish has customs (consuoceri) to indicate this decisive relationship. Anglophones, on the other hand, are forced to say something quite bizarre like “the parents of my son’s wife”.

The fact that for some cultures it is very important to define every possible relationship with a specific term does not mean that cultures in which these terms are missing place less value on family ties. Every English-speaking family seems to have at least one parlor genealogist who can tell you that Henry Ford was a great-great-great-uncle or a fourth fifth cousin. However, each family also has members they do not care at all, whom they absent-mindedly greet by calling them “uncle” or “cousin”.

All languages ​​allow for kinship relationships to be described with all the details the listener desires. What is certain is that languages ​​that have very specific labels for relatives and force you to remember details every time you speak end up carving this information deep inside you. That is why an Arab singer would be far less likely to mutter “I don’t remember how we are related” than an American.

(Translation by Giusy Muzzopappa)

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