I have a pathological phobia for an animal that I cannot pronounce. I’ve learned to live with it, but now with my three-year-old daughter I realize it’s a problem: how can I make her accept my inability (if I take her to a Halloween party I risk feeling bad) when I’m supposed to be the adult? -Francesca
At thirty I felt I had achieved a great balance on my sexual orientation: I had done it coming out with my parents, with friends, at work. All the people important to me knew that I was gay, while there was no need to tell a whole middle area of people like uncles and cousins, neighbors, shopkeepers I used to go to, etc.
When I became a father, however, I realized that that balance was tight for me. I had built a secure network of trusted relationships by avoiding doing coming out with all the acquaintances at risk or less intimate. But with the arrival of the children there could be no gray areas of said and unspoken, because there was a risk that the children perceive the homosexuality of their parents as something not to be revealed to everyone.
At a great distance from the first, I did my second round of coming out with people I didn’t have much confidence with, like the baker. It was tiring at first, but slowly I felt freed from a cage I didn’t even know I was in. And in which perhaps today you are locked up: having a daughter is an excellent opportunity to try to unhinge dynamics crystallized over time, overcome your limits and grow yourself while you are growing her.
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