August 10, 2022 4:07 pm
Warning. The language of this column is direct and explicit.
I have a question about choking. Or should I say sofsimulated firing? I recently discovered that it turns me on a lot to be immobilized by the neck. I like the feeling of domination and control, and of feeling the partner’s strength on that part of my body. It’s a feeling that interests me much more than breath control or oxygen deprivation. I’m researching choking to try to get sicktreatments I want in the safest way possible. All the advice I find about choking, though, relates to how dangerous it is, usually focusing on the risks of a reduced oxygen supply (which is not what I’m looking for) or damaging the windpipe by putting pressure on the throat (which my partners do). avoid). In short, what I ask you is: how dangerous is it really to simulate suffocation? How to eliminate the risks as much as possible? I struggle to find satisfactory answers, and given how wet this activity makes me, refraining from doing it is completely excluded.
– Please I Need More Expertise
“Choking and other breathing sex games were once very rare,” says Dr. Debby Herbenick. “Over the past decade, however, suffocation has become very common, especially among people under forty.”
Dr. Herbenick teaches at Indiana University’s faculty of public health, is a prolific and widely published researcher and author of several books including Fifty Shades of Fitness. The Coregasm method for improving health and sex. A few years ago she began receiving questions about choking from girls and boys, some of whom reported heartbreaking episodes in which sexual partners had choked them without their consent. There was very little data on the practice of choking, which was omnipresent on porn sites, and this prompted Herbenick to undertake the first serious and scientifically rigorous studies of sexual choking with some colleagues.
Herbenick’s disturbing discovery was that a lot of people – mostly males – choked on their partner during sex without talking about it first. That is, without ascertaining that the thing was of interest to both, without obtaining an explicitly enthusiastic consent, and without discussing the intrinsic risks or how to reduce them (reduce ≠ eliminate). Many were not even aware of the risks, and understandably given the lack of research on choking (which is why, I repeat, Dr. Herbenick has begun to study this now widespread practice).
“The reason why so many sites say choking is dangerous is that it really is,” explains the doctor. “It is not a strategy of fear. It happens infrequently, but choking sometimes kills. Technically it is a form of strangulation, and there are those who have ended up in jail for having involuntarily injured or killed their partner during a consensual suffocation ”.
According to his research, most people who engage in choking define it as an “agreed, willed and enjoyable” act. Which raises another concern: the unfounded sense of security with which many face it.
“Because nearly everyone gets to experience choking with no obvious negative repercussions, they are often convinced they are doing it ‘safely’, and sometimes they don’t,” says Herbenick. “And because some do it frequently, the effect on the brain can be cumulative, meaning that the negative effects add up over time, rather than resulting from a single episode. Cumulative episodes are hardly noticeable as they happen. But even slight pressure on the neck or throat has a good chance of reducing the oxygen supply to the brain, as it compresses the blood vessels. The cumulative effects that can occur include a greater likelihood of suffering from depression, anxiety, tinnitus, headaches and memory problems, among other things, although more in-depth studies are needed to be sure. ”
But then is there a sure way to get the feeling of being choked – or pinned by the neck – while eliminating the risk?
“There are those who love to be suffocated but do not want to take any chances and ask their partner to gently press on the collarbone instead of on the throat,” replies the doctor. “And PINME is right when you say that any kind of pressure on the throat is particularly risky, given the ease with which the trachea can be injured. Others decide to ask their partner to suffocate them anyway but only occasionally, to reduce the possibility of cumulative risks ”.
It goes without saying that consenting to a risky sexual practice such as choking makes sense only if all concerned are fully aware of the risks. Anyone who wants to be suffocated – who like you, PINME, asks to be suffocated during sex – has a duty to fully inform their partner of the risks they will run.
“It’s not fair to put a person in a position to do what can accidentally hurt or kill you – potentially criminal or legal exposure – without fully understanding the risks they face,” notes Herbenick. “Having said all this, adults can consent and decide to expose themselves to all kinds of risks: whipping, sex without a condom, sex with strangers, unprotected vaginal intercourse after forgetting the pill for a week, parachute jumps, rock climbing and various types of water sports. When we like a risky activity – whether or not it has to do with sex – we must inform ourselves about the potential risks, carefully evaluate the possible damage containment strategies and proceed with caution ”.
And when it comes to erotic suffocation, what form can these containment and / or emergency strategies take?
“If the pressure exerted is light, make sure that the other person can breathe and speak freely, that he has not only a word but also a SAFETY GESTURE – if he can no longer speak – and that his partner clearly understands that he wants to a slight pressure. Very mild, ”replies Herbenick. “Furthermore, if PINME begins to notice visual changes, dizziness, lightheadedness or euphoria, it is likely that they are due to a reduction in oxygen levels, with potential neurological effects.”
And that’s definitely a time to use the safety word or gesture, PINME, while you still succeed.
You can follow Dr. Debby Herbenick their Twitter and find more information on his studies – on choking, but also on sexual pleasure, communication, use of vibrators and more – on his website.
***
I am a 23 year old gay and my best friend is a straight girl of my age. She likes to say that we tell each other everything about our love lives, but having come out at 20 and just before the pandemic started, I never had much to tell. A month ago I started dating a man who enjoys domination / submission relationships and the exchange of power, things that have literally haunted me ever since I passed puberty. I told my best friend everything, who seemed encouraging and asked questions. The next day she begins to say that my boyfriend is dangerous, bossy and violent, and that I have to leave him. I like getting orders and being spanked, so it’s all consensual and not even that extreme, but she claims that only a sadistic asshole can enjoy treating the person he loves like that. I also made the huge mistake of telling her that when he orders it to me, I wear a butt plug, sometimes even when I’m at the gym or at work, and she claims that by doing so we engage others in our erotic fantasies without theirs. consent. She tonight we met with other friends, and she in front of everyone she asked me if at that moment I had “something in the ass”. I did not answer, she took it as a yes and shouted: “GOD YOU HAVE IT!”. You seem hypocritical to me because you have been dating people throughout the pandemic and you love to be suffocated, two things that I find far more dangerous than what I do. I feel like I have to choose between a lovely man I’ve known for a month and my best friend for four years! Right now this is where she clogs up my phone demanding an apology for the embarrassment I put her in tonight! Help me?!
– Pretty Upset Now: Is She Homophobic?
In the bad old days, a lot of older gays than you had best friends like yours. Girls who said they loved their best gay friends so much, and had absolutely no problem with homosexuality, and suddenly had problems with homosexuality as soon as their gay best friend started having sex. It happens less often today than decades ago, PUNISH, because gay boys now become sexually active at about the same time as their heterosexual peers. But I still hear stories like yours: the straight best friend who wants to tell you about her adventures but doesn’t want you to have yours; straight best friend convinced that having a gay best friend makes him more interesting but he feels threatened when the gay best friend starts having interesting experiences that he can’t have or doesn’t involve him.
Anyway, PUNISH, I’m sorry your best friend has turned out to be the kind of girl who views her gay best friend as a shoulder and an audience, rather than as an individual with her own tastes, needs and desires. You have to slam the truth in her face without backing down: she’s wrong. She owes you an apology, not the other way around; if she doesn’t realize it, you’ll have to end the friendship. If that happens, PUNISH, don’t think you’ve preferred a new boyfriend over your best friend. You will have preferred a new romantic relationship as well as future friendship with people who consider you a well-rounded individual – a complete person who likes anal plugs and spanking – to the current friendship with a bully person who considers you a pretty accessory, PUNISH, and little more.
PS If she wants a best friend to neuter, tell her to get a dog.
PPS Unless you ask colleagues or gym mates to put on the plug, PUNISH, or you drop your pants to show it off, you don’t involve anyone in your erotic fantasies.
PPPS This one starts screaming about things said in confidence – that you sometimes wear a plug – in front of your friends! She is the one who involves others in your erotic fantasies without their consent! And without yours! And she wants you to believe that the asshole you run away from is your boyfriend ?!
To gay and bisexual men: health authorities urge us to avoid mass sex parties, orgies and dance events, as well as – for now – sex with unknown partners. And that’s not because we hate gay sex, but because monkeypox is spreading rapidly among gay and bisexual men. Prolonged skin contact that gay and bisexual men expose themselves to during sex and / or on dance floors is causing this health emergency, and the rate of spread is highest among those with multiple partners. This is an extremely unpleasant disease that no one wants to see becoming endemic in the gay and bisexual community, meaning it would be better not to risk painful lesions on the ass, dick and face every time we have sex with a new person. the rest of our days. Slowing down for a while does not die, so much so that many have already done so, and trust me: once those who are already infected are healed and everyone vaccinated, cocks will still be there waiting for you.
(Translation by Matteo Colombo)