Warning. The language of this column is direct and explicit.
I am a heterosexual who has been married for 15 years to a heterosexual woman. Several years ago I revealed to her my fantasy that she was sleeping with other men. I was nervous about talking about it. She had always had traditional ideas about sex and had always expressed a very rigid idea of monogamy and commitment as a couple. I was therefore very relieved to discover that the idea, instead of disgusting her, intrigued her. She was intrigued and she asked me if I really wanted it or if it was just a fantasy to be included in the repertoire of our erotic talks. Fast forward to this week, when my wife tells me she’d like to give it a try (note to men who want the same thing from their wives: be respectful, don’t insist, and give her time to think about it. Patience may pay off!). Here’s the problem: we both work in environments where the prejudice surrounding “betrayal” can create difficulties or damage to the career. I know there are so many apps, but we live in a big city and there is a tiny chance of running into someone we are in contact with for work or socially. Are there apps aimed at those who want to move with discretion? Is it possible to reduce the risk of embarrassment at work or in society? Or, if we want to do certain things, do we just have to accept it?
– Hooking Up, Seeking Help
There are many dating apps for people and / or couples looking for casual and / or particular sex (Feeld, 3Somer, #Open etc.), as well as many people – singles and couples – looking for casual and / or particular sex on the apps from popular dating (Tinder, Meetic, and so on). But for a couple like yours, the more strictly sexual ones – for those looking for threesomes or swaps – are a better choice, albeit considered more “equivocal”.
If the risk of being recognized on an app cannot be completely eliminated, HUSH, it is clear that anyone who catches you looking for extra sex on 3Somer is on 3Somer looking for and / or offering extra sex as well. The possibility of mutual assured destruction – if they shit you, you shit them – is generally enough to keep the bad guys in check, as well as the inevitable further question – “Ok, but why were you on 3Somer?”. And sex apps mostly don’t run with bad guys, HUSH, but basically decent people like you: singles and couples who want to have fun, don’t hurt. A friend, relative or colleague seeing your wife at a bar with a stranger – or in a hotel lobby, or on her way home – is more likely to cause trouble than another piggy met online.
To limit the risk of being caught and shamed via the app, HUSH, do not show your face and send it only once you have ascertained – as far as possible – that there is no bot, a photo collector or a blackmailer on the other side. Again, completely eliminating the risk is impossible, but at some point you have to trust your instincts and run it. Alternatively, you can locate your profile in a city you frequent but don’t live in, HUSH. Once you have found (and verified) some good candidates, book a plane, a hotel room and date them in a bar where a colleague, a fan or your father-in-law will hardly enter.
On Reddit we talk about the problem of who sticks the so-called in the ass jewel plug and then to remove them he has to do the big maneuvers, from the partner who extracts them with his fingers (the double penetration that no one would want) to the surgery in the hospital (which only lovers of the genre would like). Apparently the problem is that these tools usually have a narrower base than the head, which is already bad, and that lubricated metal is more slippery than silicone. Here are the key questions: Are metallic jewel plugs safe or not so much? Are silicone ones safer? Are there any, in general, for sure? The sparkly sex toy craze doesn’t seem to be ending anytime soon and a way has to be found to make it safe.
– Insertion Toy Extraction Messy Situation
I have seen so-called jewel plugs on shop websites or in photos – they are usually made of stainless steel and have a glass ‘gem’ mounted underneath an actually too narrow base – but I have never seen one in person. Not inside a person, at least not in person. But knowing what I know about asses (and how they relax by playing with them a bit), as well as what I know about plugs (that the wide base is the first barrier against trips to the ER), I wouldn’t use it to avoid the risk of lose it inside. As for the question of safe jewel plugs, ITEMS, it is better to choose them with a wide base and with a gem no smaller than Cullinan 1, the diamond as big as a fist that adorns the scepter of the Queen of England, and now that I think about it …
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As you know, the conservative-majority Supreme Court intends to overturn the Roe v. Wade ruling. While we were crying about the drift of this fucking country, my wife pointed out to me that you never hear a man admit that a pregnancy loss has saved him a lot of trouble in life, which obviously happens very often. How many men have shit in their hands because the condom broke while having sex with one they didn’t care much for? How many men in sight have their lover, secretary or babysitter pregnant? How many Republican youths have foisted a girl with her parents’ money so as not to have her life ruined by a newborn baby? They are the ones who must speak. Not that I expect it from the Republicans, but perhaps there are also men willing to admit what everyone knows: that thanks to abortion, males get advantages without suffering moral condemnation. It is time for them to make themselves heard. Sorry if I don’t find effective nicknames or witty signatures. I’m tired and the world is falling apart.
– Men Should Speak Up About Abortion
Here, let’s deal with serious problems. Within weeks, women in the United States will be deprived of a fundamental constitutional and human right. And there is the possibility that, in the future, an uncontrollable and illegitimate supreme court will deprive us of numerous other rights: the right to contraception, the right to same-sex marriage, the right to interracial marriage and even the right to have sex for pleasure. Do you know? This is what almost everyone almost always does (the antisodomy laws invalidated by the Supreme Court with the Lawrence v. Texas judgment of 2003 affected not only consensual relationships between men, but also those between men and women not intended for procreation).
Although the opinion of women who have benefited from the possibility of having a safe and legal abortion should be enough for us – as well as knowing that, if abortion is risky and illegal, women will die and that by prohibiting abortion, women will not stop aborting. – I agree that cis men in favor of abortion rights, and who have benefited from it, should break their fucking silence on the issue of reproductive freedom.
“There are millions of men whose lives would have worsened without an abortion,” writer Jill Filipovic tweeted last week. “That they would not have found great love, they would not have had children with us, they would not have been as successful or bet on their future” if they had become fathers when they were not ready. To them and to all men, Filipovic says: “This fight is yours too. Unite “.
And the gays? The same arguments with which they now want to take away from women the right to decide if and when they want to have a child – abortion does not belong to US “history and traditions”, it is not a right under the constitution, it is a moral issue – they can be and will be used to take away our right to have sex and marry. There have been Republicans where these assholes are already introducing laws that force women to give birth to the children of their rapists. Let’s not fool ourselves for a second that they don’t want to introduce it to cancel gay marriage, or throw a man in jail because he takes it in the ass. Dear fags, it is our struggle too.
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There is a site where you can find out how to buy legally in the United States the abortion pills you mentioned in your podcast?
Everything you need to know about abortion pills – how they work and where to get them – can be found at Plancpills. Anyone who wants to use them independently must read the essay Your medical team cannot tell if you had a self-managed abortion (Doctors cannot tell if you aborted on the pill) on vajenda.substack.com. And everyone should read Jill Filipovic’s tips on how to mobilize immediately – Get to work. Get informed. Get brave (Get active, get informed, dare). And if you can afford a donation to the US National Network of Abortion Funds, now would be a great time to do so. Finally: don’t vote Republicans, and don’t fuck us.
(Translation by Matteo Colombo)