Warning. The language of this column is direct and explicit.
I am a cis woman. Last year I had a near relationship with a man that only lasted a couple of months. The sex was beautiful, and there has always been a lot of sexting between us. Since we broke up, we have oscillated between staying in touch and radio silence, sometimes even spending months without hearing each other. In periods of contact, however, sexting always comes back. And it’s very exciting, at least until the frustration of not actually having sex with him sets in (we now live in two different countries). My problem is that, were it not for the sexting (which he pushes a lot on), I don’t think he would talk to me about anything else. And there are other reasons why I find this dynamic harmful to my life without him. For example, he really likes cuckolding. He wants me to tell him who I hang out with, who I have sex with, how they fuck me, etc. I enjoy teasing him and making him jealous with messages, especially if I’m hanging out with other men at the time, but in the end I always have the feeling of sharing my attention between him and the person I’m with, to the point that sometimes I can’t come with others because of how distracted I am (from him) and how disconnected I feel (from them).
– My Ex’s Sexy Sexts Are Getting Exhausting, Sorta
If it seems to you that your ex is only using you for sexting and getting used so you don’t like it, MESSAGES, stop sexting with your ex. You may resent it once the sexting is stopped – he may contact you from time to time just to have a chat – but even if you never hear from him again, it could be good. Or rather: if you struggle to say no to his sexting requests and sexting with him frustrates you (because you can’t fuck us) and prevents you from being present to yourself (and those you fuck with), you should maybe block his. number.
But if you like sexting with him – you say you have fun too – and you manage to set expectations to zero so as not to run into disappointment (if you can stop expecting anything other than sexting), go ahead. But don’t do it when you are with others. Go out with them, enjoy those moments, fuck us. And the next time you find yourself home alone and bored, MESSAGES, text your ex saying you’re hanging out with a man. So you can enjoy all the pleasure of making him jealous – he is the one in his cuckold fantasies – without being distracted when dating a real person.
After years and years of fulfilling sex life, I’ve begun to open up to the perverse side of my sexuality, and I couldn’t be happier! But I’m looking for a better word than “perverted”. It is precise but it seems to me to have negative connotations. I’m looking for one that communicates the same thing, but with a positive view of sex. Any suggestions?
– Positively Exploring Rhetorical Variety
I’ve always liked “perv”, the English term of endearment pervert, which I consider in the same positive meaning of “whore” (slut), a term now fully claimed by those who define themselves as such in a cheerful and provocative way. And since, always in English, almost all words that communicate the same thing as “perv” in a single catchy and blunt syllable – “deev” for deviant, “dej” per degenerate, “debbies” per debauchers/debauchees (deviated, degenerate, debauched / depraved) – the present perv advises you to adopt “perv”, PERV, rather than trying to invent a new term.
You say one of the ways to get over a crush is masturbate until it passes. I am approaching two and a half years. I had an operation in 2019, and my surgeon still haunts me now. I think it is the classic attachment from trauma, having had complications, underwent three more surgeries and made an avalanche of studio visits. Rationally I know that he is arrogant, as well as convinced that he is very witty, and that in general he is not my type. Even though I haven’t seen him for a year, I still think about it all the time. Help me?
– Can’t Understand This
If jerking off thinking about your arrogant, maybe incompetent (three more surgeries?!?) And not witty surgeon doesn’t work … maybe it’s time to try jerking off thinking about something else? (or better yet, talk to a therapist?).
Some weeks ago You told a healthy, active 72-year-old who practiced orgasm denial that “several studies link a high rate of ejaculation with a lower incidence of prostate cancer. I am 78 years old, I am healthy, active and I started masturbating at the age of ten. I still continue, as often as my body allows me, or more or less every other day. Yet I was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer, and I had to undergo an operation in which a large part of the tissue was removed. Now I have started masturbating again, albeit without ejaculating. But a dry orgasm is still better no orgasm__. In short, studies can say one thing, and life a completely different one.
–Totally Wrong About That
I am very sorry for your prostate cancer, TWAT, and I am glad that you are able to enjoy the orgasms that you still manage to have. But for the sake of accuracy I have to say one thing: I did not claim that frequent ejaculation prevented prostate cancer. I cited studies that showed a lower incidence of prostate cancer in men who masturbate regularly. Lower incidence does not mean no incidence. You went wrong, TWAT, and I’m sorry about that. But I don’t think you’ve spent all those years masturbating just for the sake of your prostate, TWAT, and then something, from all those wet orgasms, you got it. It’s the same thing you get from the dry orgasms you enjoy right now: pleasure.
After reading the question from The System Called Reciprocity the lesbian looking for a man to clean her house in exchange for handjobs and blowjobs, I had to write to you. I don’t know where she lives, but if she’s on Chicago’s South Side, I’ll do some housework for her! Feel free to get in touch with anyone who emails you with similar requests!
– Helping Out The Dykes And Making Nice
I do not know where TSCR, HOTDAMN lives, but even if I did, I am not allowed to connect readers and readers (the lawyer forbids me from the dating game.) That said, HOTDAMN, I cannot prevent readers in any way. to contact each other in the comments.
Provided that ALPHA– the straight guy who likes to humiliate the stout gays he finds on Grindr – be clear with them, and tell them he’s straight and has no intention of meeting them live, then what he does is acceptable, I guess. But if it doesn’t reveal all these details about yourself, Dan, so it pretends to be what it is not, and this is not good at all! Straight people who delude gays to get attention do disgust. We have enough problems already also without you giving them permission to torment us with their games!
– Too Pissed For Acronyms
Grindr and other dating apps are full of people deluding others – sometimes intentionally (they don’t really care to meet), and sometimes not (a desired meeting can skip due to unforeseen circumstances and / or private matters). Anyone who uses Grindr knows or soon realizes that not all chats and photo exchanges lead to sexual intercourse. As the writer and user of Grindr Alxander Cheves said in the column you quote, “Grindr is entered voluntarily, and we must do it in the awareness that not always those with whom we speak will keep their promise to meet us”.
In the case of ALPHA, I don’t think he is deluding them. He makes fun of them, TPFA, but only those who like to be treated like that, and as long as their ideal type does. I mean: to satisfy the fantasy of the unattainable straight heifer, who better than an unattainable straight heifer?
(Translation by Matteo Colombo)