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Sveltine – Dan Savage – International

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Sveltine – Dan Savage – International

Warning. The language of this column is direct and explicit.

I’m gay. What’s the fuck with this monkeypox? Do I have to worry?

Yes. I tried to raise the alarm about monkeypox in the episode of Savage Lovecast of May 24, 2022, when there were 100 cases in 15 countries, all involving gay and bisexual men. Now the cases in the world have exceeded five thousand, and almost all (more than 99 percent) are gay and bisexual men.

“At the moment it behaves very much like a sexual infection, and nearly all cases are occurring among men who have sex with men,” replies Dr. Ina Park, a lecturer at the University of California San Francisco School of Medicine. Francisco and medical consultant for the prevention of sexually transmitted infections (Ist) for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

Monkeypox, explains Dr. Parks, is the milder and more good-natured cousin of smallpox, and is spread through skin contact or the exchange of droplets, the droplets emitted with breath and saliva.

“But anyone who has close contact with a person with monkeypox can get it,” adds the doctor. And unlike other Istts, which do not survive outside the body for long, monkeypox can survive for weeks on clothing, bedding and other contaminated surfaces – for example, dildos, sexual intercourse), fetish clothing – and barriers such as condoms, worn on the penis or inside the rectum, protect the affected areas, but do not prevent transmission to other exposed parts of the body. If you notice painful growths on your skin or that of your partner, especially in the genital or anal area, or if you have been exposed to monkeypox, see your doctor right away. The sooner you get vaccinated, the better ». Here you can find information and resources on the subject (follow Dr. Park on Twitter: @InaParkMd).

Okay, this was a long answer quickie. Let’s move on to quick quickie.

When is it too early for the first “I love you”?

On a first date, as soon as a stranger hooked up on an app shows up at the door, during the first gangbang with a super sexy couple we met earlier in the bar: too soon. Even if the feeling is already true for you, even if you are crazy enough to think they can feel it too, you have to wait at least six months before saying it. But do you know what it is? Once you have said it – when you have said “I love you” for the first time – you can also backdate it. Just say: “I wanted to tell you even before the appetizer on our first date”, or “As soon as I saw you were better than in the picture”, or “As soon as you came in at the same time”.

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You say I’m exaggerating, I, a cis woman who lives in Wisconsin and doesn’t want children, not wanting to have sex with my future spouse after the Supreme Court decision on abortion? I am trying to explain to him that it is quite a difficult thing to assimilate.

Each elaborates the mourning in his own way, and in his own times. If at this moment the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe v. Wade has taken your fancy away, if the possibility of an unforeseen pregnancy in Wisconsin, where an 1849 law prohibiting abortion may now apply, has dried you out. the lower parts, it is absolutely understandable. And if your future husband is eager to get back into penetration, well, he can have him penetrated with a dildo.


A submissive dude wrote to me after seeing my relatively anonymous Instagram and now he wants to send me some money without asking for anything in return. Should I tell him no?

What with the crisis?


I am a novice to marijuana. The best thing to take by mouth for sexual purposes?

The ass.


What do you say when a man jerks himself upside down by cumming in his mouth? Is there a specific term?

I do not think. Any suggestions, students?


The only way I can enjoy it is by always having myself spanked to tears. After, I masturbate while they hug me. For me it’s literally the only thing that has ever worked, and the boyfriend I’ve been with for two years doesn’t want to. Don’t tell me to just leave it. I love. He is also against the idea of ​​opening up the couple. Help me?

Ok, don’t leave it. Don’t leave the man who refuses to do the one thing that makes you enjoy. Maybe he has a good reason to refuse. Spanking someone you love until they cry is no small request. For those who have experienced violence or trauma, it can be emotionally complicated. For others, maybe it’s just that it kills their libido (no one should feel compelled to adduce a traumatic experience to avoid a sexual practice that they simply don’t like). But if your boyfriend doesn’t want to open up the couple just enough for you to satisfy those needs elsewhere and you don’t (yet) intend to leave him, well, you forget about orgasms (until you leave or cheat on him).


Have you ever thought about creating an encyclopedia with your advice for posterity? I ask myself very often: “What would Dan say?”. It would be handy to have a reference text.

I have already created it: Savage Love from A to Z, a book published last year to celebrate the thirtieth anniversary of this column. It contains everything from the A of anal (chapter 1!) To the Z of zero (in what sense? You’ll find out in chapter 26!), Through compatibility, rejection, semimonogamy, pegging, kink and much more. Enriched by Joe Newton’s beautiful illustrations, Savage Love from A to Z it is available wherever books are sold.

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The best sex toy for lesbians? I have the impression that my partner and I continue to make mistakes. Are there any made by women for women? What is it that escapes me? Help!

There are plenty of companies founded by women that offer sex toys designed, made and marketed by women – Dame Products, Lioness, MysteryVibe and Maude, to name a few – but if you’ve already tried the more discounted solutions (vibrators, strap-ons) , clit-sucker, etc) and they don’t work for you, well, then maybe you have to go with the imagination. Anything that turns you on can become a sex toy: even a roll of duct tape. For most people it isn’t. For others, like those who like tight gagging or mummification, duct tape is the ultimate sex toy. In short, if you don’t find anything that turns you on in sex shops, maybe it’s time to drop by the hardware store.


I’m madly in love with my boyfriend, who I’ve been with for a year, and when we have sex it’s great. But it happens more or less once a week! I would like to do it three times the time, especially after just one year! Is it an insurmountable obstacle or do I just have to accept it?

The longer you stay together, the more likely it is to come to a point where once a week will suit you. But just as your sexual desire is bound to fade over time, so will that of your boyfriend. When once a week will be enough for you, he might just need one a month. In short, you must immediately find a compromise or a solution that satisfies you without making him feel under pressure. If opening the couple is not in question, maybe a couple of assisted masturbation sessions between a full relationship and the other could solve. The important thing for both of you is to show that you are willing to compromise. And it will be easier to do it while the phase of crazy falling in love lasts than when that of frustrated resentment arrives in which, however, we still love each other.

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I read of one who does not eat for 12-24 hours before passive intercourse. How often can a passive have sex if the preparation takes a long time?

Only once, because the real bottom starves before the first top comes into them.


When does the dick get too much?

“Too much is good”. – Mary Poppins


Two years ago, during pregnancy, I suffered from constant morning sickness, and even now I get nauseous very easily. Now, instead of loving the relationships in which I find myself in my mouth sperm and vaginal juices, I feel sick at the very thought. Any advice on how to increase my tolerance and overcome this block?

Instead of trying to get back to what you liked before – like ingesting body fluids – focus on enjoying the things that make you feel good now, perhaps exploring new ones that intrigue you. The desire to swallow cum and / or lick vaginal juices may or may not come back to you, but if you enjoy doing what you are able to enjoy right now neither of them will be missing.


I own the most common accessory in the lesbian community – religious trauma – as well as the two least popular ones: a former husband and a son. Is it ethically unfair of me not to disclose this in chat profiles? I almost always say this on a first date, but all “gold-star” lesbians (who have never had sex with men) or happily married seem to think it is criminal.

It is good that you are not with one of your “gold star” or happily married friends, my dear, because otherwise their opinion on the matter – the exact moment to reveal the existence of the ex and the child – would actually have a weight.


I’m a 26-year-old from the Northeast. Do you guys mind / care if a woman uses a vibrator while having sex? I’m starting dating men again after being with a girl for three years, and we have always used toys. Lately I’ve been with a man, at one point I used the vibrator and then he says to me: “At least one of us can make you cum”. You are welcome?

With this touchy, irritating and passive-aggressive whimper you never have to fuck us again – it seems obvious to me – and before you meet the next one who is going to make you tell him: “When I have sex, I need a vibrator to cum. If you have to question it, you have plenty of 26-year-olds ready to fake orgasm. I’m not one of them “.

(Translation by Matteo Colombo)

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