Summer is coming. As the high school entrance examination approaches, the importance of mentality becomes more and more prominent. On the road of preparing for the college entrance examination, what should parents do to really help their children prepare for the exam?
own emotions, deal with
Before the high school entrance examination, the school counseling room was crowded. As a psychology teacher, I have received senior high school students who came to me for counseling due to various family problems. “My parents often quarrel, and I’m worried about their divorce.” “My brother doesn’t study hard, and my mother often scolds him. I want to help them ease the relationship.” distressed” and so on. For students who are anxious about the upcoming high school entrance examination, any disturbance from the outside world can touch their particularly sensitive hearts.
Due to work pressure or empathizing with their children’s pressure to go to school, many parents will also be worried, and even show the “kick the cat effect” at home. “Kicking the cat effect” refers to the transmission of negative emotions from high to low according to social status. For example, the boss scolds the employee, the employee feels aggrieved, but does not dare to vent his emotions to the boss. After returning home, he finds a reason to scold the child, and the child also Not daring to talk back, he could only kick the cat at home.
I once hosted a mother who opened a company. Although she always emphasized that she gave her children good living conditions, when she mentioned that her children had been scolded for no reason, she admitted ashamedly that she could not help but treat her employees at home. Get along with your daughter.
High school and high school candidates have accumulated too much pressure. Parents should be careful not to pass on their negative emotions to their children, which will escalate the anxiety of their children. Parents can fully vent their emotions by talking to friends and exercising heartily before interacting with their children. When parents properly handle their own emotions, they can listen to their children’s troubles more efficiently and help them relax.
Just as doping is prohibited in sports competitions, parents cannot expect their children to perform exceptionally on the basis of “koi possession” during the high school and college entrance examinations.
For the children who are about to take the big test, parents should help them find the best state for taking the test, and maintain consistent habits before the test, including eating and resting, answering patterns, mental state, etc. For example, some children don’t usually drink coffee, so don’t drink coffee suddenly to refresh themselves during the exam, because we need to consume psychological resources to adapt to changes. Especially in terms of mentality, excessive anxiety will make the child collapse, and lack of tension will make the child not pay attention to the exam. Spending the exam preparation time with a calm mind will make the big exam more secure. Parents should lead by example during exam preparation, treat their children with a calm and natural attitude, and don’t be too concerned, let alone nagging and disturbing. Parents “sit firmly on the Diaoyutai” can also help children maintain emotional stability.
Encourage children, pay attention to doorways
In the preparation stage for the middle and high school entrance examinations, learning enters the knowledge consolidation area, and children fall into the “sea of questions tactics”. Physical and mental fatigue will lead to the “bottleneck period” of stagnation in learning, that is, the “plateau phenomenon”. At this time, parents cannot force their children to make a “qualitative leap”, but should help their children build up their confidence, get out of the “plateau” and go to the “peak”.
However, there is also a way to communicate with children, and an unintentional remark may backfire.
I once met a third-year high school student who was distressed by the story that his parents kept mentioning that his relatives’ children were admitted to Peking University. I can understand that parents hope to use the cases of relatives and children to inject motivation into their own children, but too high expectations will make children lose confidence and give up their efforts. Parents should not only make the family a safe base for their children to set sail and explore the world, but also a safe haven for their children to rest in the face of adversity. Let the children know that as long as they work hard, they are worthy of their conscience, and even if they fail, they can stop and adjust and start again.
Psychological research has found that adults tend to give children with low self-esteem more personal praise, that is, praise for the child’s personal qualities, such as “You are so smart,” rather than process praise, that is, praise for the child’s behavior, such as “You are so smart.” Study hard.” But personal praise can make children with low self-esteem more likely to feel ashamed about subsequent failures. That is to say, if you don’t want your child to experience setbacks and become devastated, parents need to target their children’s specific behaviors when praising their children. For example, “I saw that you were excerpting composition materials on weekends recently, and your Chinese grades have improved. I’m really happy for you.” Attribute your achievements to your own efforts, knowing that “nothing is hard and you will reap”, rather than a hard-to-change factor such as talent, so you are more willing to devote your energy to learning.
Infuse hope, broaden horizons
As the middle school and college entrance exams are approaching, children are prone to emotional distress and even problem behaviors in high-pressure situations. Parents should pay attention to the emotional state of their children and pay attention to the signals sent by their children, that is, some actions that are inconsistent with their usual habits.
Yan Ziyou in the TV series “Little Shede” was originally a well-behaved academic bully, but his mother expected him to enter a key high school and did not allow him to do biological experiments and play football. So Yan Ziyou said at the parent meeting: “My mother loves not me, but me who got perfect marks in the test.” But the parents did not stop “chicken baby”, and finally Yan Ziyou had hallucinations and tore up the test paper in the test room. The hope that the child will become a dragon is that the parents love their children eagerly, and “the plan is far-reaching”. But if forcing children to study is at the expense of physical and mental health, even if the child is admitted to a prestigious school, there may be various problems. There are also many college students in well-known universities who suffer from “hollow disease” and cannot find the meaning of life.
For a child like Yan Ziyou, parents can ask him seriously: “What do you want to do when you grow up? Do you want to engage in biological research, and do you still have a career of playing football?” What conditions do I need to engage in such a job? What needs to be done now to achieve such conditions? Time is limited, how should learning and entertainment be allocated?” Parents guide their children step by step to set goals and let them give full play to their own motivation To achieve the goal; instead of directly depriving the child of the right to choose, making him feel that he cannot control the future, and can only choose to “rotten”.
If the child is dissatisfied with the status of learning and has fallen into anxiety, what should parents do?
I once met a high school student whose grades were often ranked first in his class. Although his parents did not directly ask him to study hard, they often said to him, “You have to pass the university entrance exam well, and don’t live a hard life like us.” The words of his parents gave him invisible pressure, and he became the “roll king” of the dormitory, studying from morning to night. Because of long-term irregular work and rest, and lack of exercise, he fell ill and had to leave the hospital for surgery. He couldn’t accept that his monthly test scores were regressing, he became grumpy, and he could no longer calm down and study.
During the psychological consultation, I asked him: “What is your ideal career in the future?” He said: “Researcher in mathematics or physics.” I asked him: “Have you learned about the recruitment requirements of scientific researchers? He said: “To get a Ph.D., it is best to graduate from a key university. But with my current grades, I have little hope in a key university.” I told him: “I have a friend who is an undergraduate student in an ordinary university, and he was admitted later. Graduated from a key university, became a professor at a key university after graduating with a doctorate, and established his own laboratory and scientific research team. Taking a step back, even if you have not been admitted to a key university, you can still study for a Ph.D., which will not affect your future career researcher.”
When children are dissatisfied with their grades and fall into anxiety, parents should listen patiently, guide them carefully, help children broaden their horizons, take a long-term perspective, and let children know that every ounce of effort now is useful. When necessary, parents can also communicate with school teachers to help their children solve problems together.
All in all, parents should trust their children, “no need to hit the drums with heavy hammers”, just do a good job of logistical support, so that children can give full play to their abilities. Parents should respect individual differences and believe that children are more professional than parents in their own learning, so let professional people do professional things.
Huang Binbin Source: China Youth Daily
June 06, 2022 Edition 03