Finding out the gender of your own baby is an exciting moment for many expectant parents. This is now often celebrated with a big party. But the news is not always associated with joy. Especially not if you wanted exactly the opposite gender. An article from “ 20min ” shows what terrible feelings can arise in expectant parents.
“I cried with disappointment”
In it, a reader named Ron (53) reports: “My ex-wife wanted to have an abortion when she found out it was going to be a boy.” This led to a major relationship crisis.
Anna (name changed) also says something similar. She really wanted a boy. When she found out it was a girl, her world collapsed. “I cried with disappointment and my husband just couldn’t understand me. But today I love my daughter so much that I can hardly put the love into words.” Now she is ashamed of her feelings.
Samantha (not her real name) experienced this too. “I was really angry at the unborn baby,” she is quoted by “20min”. She also loves her child more than anything today.
„Gender Disappointment“
Many other readers reported similar feelings to “20min”. There is also a term for this: “Gender Disappointment”, which means something like “disappointment with gender”.
“Gender Disappointment” has only been researched for a few years, reports psychologist Anna-Lena Zietlow to the “Editor’s Network Germany” (RND). There are several reasons why people want a certain gender. Among other things, social stereotypes and expectations should play a role, explains psychologist Julia Ditzer.
In Western cultures there is a desire for “family balancing”
Certain people are particularly affected by “gender disappointment”. These include people with a neurotic, extroverted and conscientious personality, says Ditzer. In Western cultures there is also a desire for “family balancing,” according to the “RND” article. This means that both genders are represented equally often in a family. Zietlow continues: “Studies show that parents between 19 and 25 have more concrete ideas. As you get older, the general desire to have children outweighs the desire for a specific gender.”
So what should expectant parents do if they have to go through this disappointment? On “20min”, specialist psychologist Annina Mäder advises, among other things, to talk to people close to you. You should also be aware that the disappointment usually goes away after the birth at the latest. However, if the feelings are intense and last for a long time, you should seek support from a professional.