“Argylle” with Henry Cavill, Dua Lipa, Bryce Dallas Howard – Dagsavisen

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FILM

«Argyle»

Regi: Matthew Vaughn

England/USA, 2024

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Can’t they just let Matthew Vaughn direct a James Bond movie and we’ll be over it? His entire career seems to be one long job application to the Broccoli empire, hoping to one day get the chance to fulfill his dream of making a classic 007 production. His attempt to create his own Bond series with the “Kingsman” films was phased out after three chapters of declining quality, and unfortunately we have a bit of the problem with Matthew Vaughn there. His films get a little worse each time, and “Argylle” is his weakest to date. This time, among other things, he has recruited the superman who, according to bookmakers, is reasonably well placed to inherit the role of 007 from Daniel Craig: Henry Cavill – who has figured prominently in the marketing of the film, but turns out to only play a minor guest role as a fictional super agent with an undressable hairstyle.

Argylle is the main character in an improbably popular series of novels by the author Elly Conway (Bryce Dallas Howard), a cat mother with anxiety problems, a fear of flying and a phobia of intimacy. Her life companion is the extremely patient Scottish Fold cat Alfie, whom she drags around in a travel backpack with a Plexiglas dome. No danger, animal lovers. Most of the time, Alfie is obviously computer-animated to such an extent: either to assure us that the cat will not be harmed, or possibly simply because the special effects are characterized by sloppy haste. Probably mostly the latter, since a good number of the other computer effects in the film are also far below an acceptable level.

Bryce Dallas Howard as the writer Elly Conway in the film “Argyle”. (UIP)

Elly is almost done with her fifth Argylle book, but her mum Ruth (Catherine O’Hara) believes that the ending is characterized by an easy cliffhanger, and demands an extra chapter that rounds off the novel in a more dignified way. Elly left the story just before super agent Argylle went to London to find a code key containing information about the criminal activities of a secret agent syndicate, and she has a serious write-off. No idea where the story is going, and no idea what might happen next. Lacking better ideas, she takes Alfie on a train ride to find inspiration, but is distracted by a sleazy, bearded passenger in the train seat opposite her. He introduces himself as Aidan (Sam Rockwell), a big fan of the “Argyle” books who claims to be a living super spy.

Seconds later, they are both attacked by several dozen armed thugs, and from here the entire film becomes such eye-rolling bullshit that it’s easy to believe that Elly has either had a stroke, is dreaming it all, or that we’ve stepped straight into one of the novels her. Fortunately, “Argylle” is not so obvious, and rolls out some halfway cunning twists that increase the benevolence a little. But not enough to make this anything more than a 007-inspired imitation of “Romancing the Stone” (1984), in which Kathleen Turner played a writer who went on action-packed adventures with rabble-rouser Michael Douglas. A concept so well used that it was recycled as recently as 2022 with the Sandra Bullock comedy “The Lost City”.

Elly Conway’s cliched novels are supposedly so close to reality that she has piqued the interest of a shady spy syndicate led by diabolical villain Ritter (Bryan Cranston), so secret agent Aidan shaves off his beard and cuts his hair. He bets everything that Elly’s superior skills as a writer will ensure that she can predict the location of the real code key, and sends them on a globe-trotting action adventure to, among other places, London, France, the Middle East and a huge oil tanker in the Atlantic Ocean.

Argylle Henry Cavill, Dua Lipa and John Cena i Matthew Vaughns film «Argylle». (UIP )

All of this is even more silly than it sounds, and the lack of internal logic in the script becomes even more striking the further into the film we get. Matthew Vaughn stages the action scenes with some energy, but struggles to limit himself within the confines of a family-friendly PG13 age limit. His “Kingsman” films made full use of their strict adult limit with joyous enthusiasm, foul language and brutal melees – while “Argylle” has to carefully maneuver around a three-digit body count for censorship reasons.

To compensate, Vaughn tries to turn up the madness with action sequences that include impromptu figure skating knife fights on crude oil and synchronized dancing with colorful smoke bombs, but everything is so overloaded with synthetic computer effects pure stupidity that it’s hard to get particularly excited. It’s an asset that the always watchable Sam Rockwell gets a rare chance to play an action hero (and dance, of course), but his chemistry with Bryce Dallas Howard is lukewarm at best. “Argylle” is also carpet-bombed with cameos from famous names, which include John Cena, Dua Lipa, Sofia Boutella and Samuel L. Jackson (who spends most of his allotted running time sitting in an armchair watching TV).

I can’t claim that this spree is completely without entertainment value, but it feels depressing that such great resources were squandered on such a weak, whiny story. Matthew Vaughn claims that this is only the first film in a trilogy that will later be combined with the “Kingsman” universe, but it mostly sounds like pure wishful thinking. It’s hard to imagine that “Argylle” will be anything other than a spectacular flop at the cinema, but for Vaughn’s part, the film is already a success story. He financed the production independently through his own company Marv Studios, and later sold the film rights to the streaming service Apple+ for an insane $200 million. So you can safely wait to see “Argylle” until you get a free trial offer on Apple+ the next time you upgrade your mobile phone.