The short version
- Harald Eia (58) believes there is an excessive societal focus on how tiring it is to have children. And that this harms the birth rates in Norway.
- Birth rates are now historically low at 1.4 children per woman, according to new figures from Statistics Norway.
- Psychologist Charlotte Mjelde believes that Eia is partially right, but that it is important to value the importance of the family in society.
Sea view
Last week, fresh figures from Statistics Norway showed that the number of births in Norway is at a historically low level.
Norwegian women currently have 1.4 children, and according to the UN, the number must be around 2.1 in order to maintain the population over a longer period of time.
This topic was addressed in the most recent episode of “Tore and Harald’s podcast”led by Harald Eia and Tore Sagen.
THUMBS UP: Program host Harald Eia says in the podcast that these are also the views of his wife, Nadina Bouhlou. Photo: Mattis Sandblad / VG
Comedian and presenter Eia introduces the podcast by saying that he has a theory about why Norwegian women today are not having more children.
Namely that the focus on how tiring it is to have children and work full time is too great.
– In an interview in D2 last weekend, someone who was interviewed said “it’s so tiring, it’s much more tiring than what people say”. And here Tore, this is where the problem lies, says Eia in the podcast.
VG has been in contact with Harald Eia’s podcast producer, Karoline Enoksen, who says that he does not want to say anything more beyond what is stated in the episode.
Needs two hours to get in
– This emphasis on how damn tiring it is to have children, talking down the whole thing, makes people actually start to feel that it is tiring. A doctor told me that every time there is a report in VG about people with long covid who are struggling with brain fog, what do you think the GPs get a visit from then? asks Eia in the podcast episode.
He points out that this is also the point of view of his wife, Nadina Bouhlou. They have two young children together.
– Every single “it’s so tiring to have children” will make people actually think it’s tiring, and that destroys the birth rates of course. Because the truth is Tore, having children is not tiring. I mean that.
– Do you think so? asks Sagen.
– I will painstakingly measure here how long the convalescence period you need to recover, he replies and continues:
– I have had five children in total, I have lost one as you know, but the four who are alive – there have been wakeful nights, howling in shops, vomiting, running to catch everything possible, driving back to the nursery because I forgot that it were extra food parcels, arguing about brushing the teeth, sleeping problems.
– Was it tiring? In other words, give me two hours off where I can exercise a bit, sleep or go for a walk, then I am totally rested, fully recovered and ready for new battles.
MARRIED COUPLE AND PARENTS OF SMALL CHILDREN: Nadina Bouhlou and Harald Eia have been a couple since 2011, and married in 2022. The couple had three children together, but lost one in 2019. Photo: Mattis Sandblad / VG
– It’s life itself, that
Father of three Sagen agrees. Fatiguing periods pass as the children get older, and especially after the infant phase, he concludes.
If there is a bad atmosphere in the couple’s relationship and you are constantly arguing, a two-hour break will not do, Sagen and Eia conclude.
– What is tiring is being in a conflict at work, your mother has cancer, you have a sick child, a marriage that is falling apart, or that you can’t afford it. It breaks you. And then a two-hour break doesn’t help. Children shouting for polar bread and smashing some plates – that’s life itself. It’s not stress, that.
– So my proposed solution here is to stop focusing on the fact that children are so damn tiring, pressed for time and that they are fussy. Then this “truth” that having children is a chore will evaporate and birth rates will rise.
“Tore and Harald’s podcast” is published by PodMe, which is owned by Schibsted. VG is part of the Schibsted group, which also owns other Norwegian newspapers such as Aftenposten, Stavanger Aftenblad and Bergens Tidende.
FRIENDS: The parents of three, Live Nelvik and Tore Sagen, were guests when Eia celebrated her 50th birthday in 2016. Photo: Frode Hansen / VG
– Parents have a personal responsibility
Psychologist Charlotte Mjelde believes that Eia is partly right in what he says. She believes there is too much cross-pressure in society today, and that is much of the reason why parents of young children are tired.
– Women today are expected to give birth to children, breastfeed for a long time, pursue a career, renovate the house and exercise at the same time. There are so many things we have to do and achieve in the short period when we have small children, says Mjelde.
There is an expectation from society that we should continue to be involved in everything after we have children, and this cannot be done without eventually being at the expense of our health, the psychologist believes.
– So it is clear that parents also have a personal responsibility not to take on so much and have so many plans that you become completely exhausted. We have to prioritize and sacrifice something in order to have small children for a period of our lives, says Mjelde and continues:
– Children are a great enrichment in life. Having children is so much fun! It is tiring, but it is really worth it for most people with the joy and love it brings.
VALUED MOTHERS: The work mothers do when they are at home with children must be valued much more by society. And working life must be facilitated, says psychologist Charlotte Mjelde. Photo: Karina Lange
As a psychologist, Mjelde experiences that parents want more time with their children, and actually want more children.
But it is often an inflexible and family-friendly workplace that stops them, and that must change, she believes.
– The work we do as mothers is not valued enough. Staying at home for a year or two is not appreciated. Women say that they are pushed back into 100% work, when they really want to be at home longer with the baby. It is not tempting to repeat it three times, she says and adds:
– It is only when we value the importance of the family in society that it becomes easier to be a parent. We are the ones raising the next generation, and that benefits everyone. There is no sustainable future without mothers and children.