[New Tang Dynasty News November 6, 2021, Beijing time]In marriage, the most common problem that women are concerned about, fear, and encounter is the loyalty of men. In fact, it is not. In real life, the deadly killer of marriage is not only derailment. There are conflicts between husbands and wives that are more terrible than extramarital affairs.
To sum up, there are three killers in ruining a happy marriage that could have been happy.
The number one killer is: the dissynchrony of personality
It is said that in the divorce registry, there are particularly many men and women who choose to divorce by agreement with the option of disagreement in personality in the column of the reason for divorce in the agreement.
Of course, under the surface of disharmony in personality, there may be inadequate feelings, insufficient skills in getting along, and poor compromise with each other. These things are hidden in the shadows and burst out through many contradictions and differences.
There are no identical people in the world, and everyone is a relatively independent individual. In the stage of love, usually between men and women, this difference in personality can be regarded as an attraction, but in marriage, due to changes in roles and positions, plus undisguised true display, it will be seen in the eyes of the partner. It becomes another image.
When two people’s personality differences and characteristics can’t bite into each other like gears and enter a stable rotation, but like the tip of a needle to a wheat mang, anything that can be counted as an advantage alone may become mutually harmful. source.
Therefore, for some failed marriages, we will sigh: Why can’t two good people become loving couples? They have all the virtues necessary to be a good person, loyalty and kindness, but they can’t use these qualities to resolve the contradiction between the two people. In the end, they have to hurt each other and lead to parting ways.
Getting along with husband and wife is a kind of knowledge and skill. Unfortunately, many people are more accustomed to fully revealing all of their parts. In the end, confession and naturalness become the killer that sharpens the marriage.
The second biggest killer is: the asynchrony of lifestyle habits
A netizen once told about all the troubles he had in living with a wife who was hygienic. He wants to have a relaxed and natural life, but she does everything in order and orderly.
He can only sit properly in the position appointed by his wife, and follow his wife’s habits when doing anything. Even if he sits down, he must always pay attention to flattening the wrinkles on the sofa. He feels that the family is a clean and tidy prison. You can only enjoy some free time without any freedom if you obey the instructions of the guards and do the prescribed things in the prescribed events.
This is an atypical event in marriage, a microcosm of an exaggerated version of the inconsistency between men and women’s living habits.
A common feature in the family is that women are often the soul of the family and the authority in determining family habits. She is accustomed to focusing on the details of life and making plans for the operation of her family, which requires more investment than men. So naturally a situation in which women make rules of life, and then men follow and execute them.
As a passive executor, if a man’s habits and personalities are not satisfied by his wife and remain in a state of depression, the man may feel that life is a process lacking pleasure.
For example, some men like to get up in the morning to take a bath, but their wife feels that it is too dirty to go to bed without bathing, so every day the two people have a disagreement about bathing or not taking a bath. After a long time, everyone thinks that the other party does not respect their own habits and is too selfish. . At the end of the trouble, we got married and divorced.
In real life, it is not uncommon for people to divorce for reasons smaller than this.
The incompatibility of living habits and details is like the sand in a shoe. It’s not big and hurts a lot. It will make you bloody if you can’t walk far, and even the best equipment won’t work.
The third killer is: the out-of-sync growth pace
In marriage, men and women are stepping on the steps of fading away, and they are finally separated because they cannot walk on the same rhythm. Many of them ignore the common growth of the two in the marriage.
When a man desires to have a mature wife who can help himself in life and career, and fight with himself, but a woman always refuses to grow up and still stays in the thinking and behavior habits of little girls. When encountering setbacks, it is noisy and complete. When you don’t have the thinking of an adult, the gap between the two people is getting bigger and bigger, there are problems in communication, and there are obstacles to communication.
Many marriages that end up without a problem can be traced to the fact that the two people did not develop in sync according to the original idea, which caused everyone to go their separate ways.
This imbalance can be the understanding of feelings or the perception of life, as long as one person moves forward, while the other person is standing still. Then you will find that there are too few things in common between the two people.
The hardest thing in the world to control is the human heart, so if you want to keep a person’s heart, the best way is not to control it, but to practice your internal skills and make marriage a game that can make each other happy.
(Reposted from Watch China/Responsible Editor: Zhang Li)
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