Experienced psychologists answer your questions three times a week at Denníka N’s Psychological Counseling Center.
You can send your question in the field of education, parenting, work, life decisions, conflict resolution, friendly or partner relationships to [email protected]. In addition to the question, please include your first name and age. For long-term problems, seek help from a psychologist or psychiatrist, in case of acute psychological problems, contact crisis help lines.
You can find all editions of the counseling center on the Psychological Counseling page of Denníka N.
Could you please give me advice on how to break up with a long-term boyfriend to make it happen him didn’t it end in job loss, feeling worthless/useless and incompetent? The question sounds dramatic, but I think the boyfriend suffers from low self-esteem (he says he doesn’t), and the previous breakups he told me about had a long-term negative effect on him (lost his job, started smoking, etc.).
Basically at the beginning of our relationship he was unemployed. Within two months, he found the job he has so far, but it does not fulfill him and does very little to change his job or position in the company. He is half-satisfied with his life. He has no hobbies other than playing video games (the other activities we’ve tried together he doesn’t enjoy for a long time) and is passive in his life. At the same time, he refuses any help, couples therapy, sessions with a psychologist or debate about working on himself.
He is 32 years old, he didn’t finish college because he didn’t want to (his words), and he moved away from his parents for the first time “for real” a few months ago. (I mention this only to understand his possible comfort.) I suggested that he live together in a rental for one year, with the understanding that we will see how our cohabitation goes. I already know that I wouldn’t be able to do it precisely because of his convenience and irresponsibility, even though it would probably benefit him psychologically.
Over the past few years, I have tried to broach the topic of burnout with him several times. At first he refused; after a few years he admitted that it might be his case, but we didn’t get anywhere. I tried on him “gentle parenting”, but in vain. There is no major shift in his motivation to self-actualize or in his sense of responsibility towards himself.
I realize we don’t have any relationship issues, I’ve just “grown up” x times over the years and he remains unchanged and inactive in his/our lives. He doesn’t have the motivation/desire to take action, fulfill his obligations to himself, or even admit that this could be a problem, and it kills me. I don’t want to give it to him
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