Giorgio – the name is fictitious – is 65 years old, all of whom have lived in a small town in northern Italy. As a child he was sexually molested by a priest. An unmentionable trauma that left deep traces in him, to the point that when he was 18 he attempted suicide. Only at the age of sixty did he decide to denounce the pain that accompanied him throughout his life. The priest is still alive, now an old man, and has never paid for the damage inflicted. “The Church is guilty – says Giorgio in this interview granted for the first time in his life, while the Italian Bishops’ Conference publishes its first national report on abuse – and must help the victims”.
“When I was in elementary school, a young parish priest arrived. He was very active, he was charming. It was the 1960s, and you can imagine that when a priest arrives in a small town and offers the children many opportunities for entertainment, everyone is happy. He made us play soccer in the parish house, took us on trips, showed us films. For us they were exceptional things. He gave us a lot, and for us it was natural to want to serve him. He spoiled us. And then he took me to his bedroom, alone with me, and he gave me “lessons” in sex: he asked me how I washed my private parts, how I held my penis in my hand, always many questions. I had to undress partially. He touched me. When we went on trips he would make me sit in the front with him so that the bodies touched. It wasn’t sexual assault, it was rather subtle harassment. He also knew how to be violent: he was our religion teacher at school, he slapped us and humiliated us. Once he kicked me. But in his bedroom everything happened in a subtle, manipulative way. I’m not the only one who has had this experience.”
Didn’t you talk about it at home?
“Maybe some did, I know of a friend of mine who spoke to his parents about it and his father went to the parish priest to tell him to stop, but it was an exception. The families were happy with this very active young parish priest, they were the war generation, very reserved people. If we had told what happened, he would have been silenced. Everyone knew there was something wrong, but they didn’t talk about it. Among us kids we mostly talked about it jokingly. But in me this experience – I understood it now doing therapy – has developed an enormous sense of shame”.
Abuses in the Church: “A priest raped me since I was 9, but he still says mass”
by Salvo Palazzolo
What happened to her in the following years?
“At fourteen I went to study high school in the city. It was a very bad time for me. I remember a day when I was afraid to be around people. I always had huge problems showing myself in front of the class, my self-esteem at that time was catastrophic, I had a strong sense of inferiority. I’m not saying it was just his fault: I wasn’t a very stable guy. At 18 I attempted suicide. I was hospitalized and the priests who were there at the time didn’t help me. I was afraid of adults, and in fact then I became a teacher: the children couldn’t hurt me, I was at home in class, I felt I was in the right place. It has not been the only cause but a cause of my problems. When you are a child you are fragile, they can destroy you, and if they do it in a subtle and manipulative way it is even worse. I understood all this in retrospect”.
When did you decide to speak?
“In 2018 I was hospitalized for a few days in the hospital for a hearing disorder. I was there with the drip and suddenly I had the impulse: now I want to bring what’s inside to the surface. The disturbance was psychosomatic, courage grew in me: I have to do something for myself. I said to myself: now the Church must know, I have to tell the guilty – and for me the church is guilty. I have to leave the blame to the guilty. A friend of mine knew a priest who works with victims of abuse, she convinced me to go and talk to him. I told myself that what I had suffered was not so serious, but he confirmed to me that I had been abused, and that I had to heal my soul. For this I started therapy with a psychologist who helped me. Now I feel freer, I’m a little stronger, more myself”.
Does he still have faith?
“I seek the truth in my life, there are moments when I go to church and I feel good, I gladly go to a mass where the Gospel is told well. I trust the priest who helped me. There is also a Benedictine father who follows me and whom I trust. But I don’t trust the Church as an institution very much”.
Why do you think it took her so many years to speak?
“I believe that the Church was not ready to acknowledge this guilt, and so even the victims did not find ways to report it. Only slowly did something move throughout Europe, the Church lost its omnipotence, cases started to emerge. I too had heard on television that cases from the past came to light, this certainly influenced my decision to speak”.
What happened to that priest?
“He left after ten years, moved to the other side of the province. He continued his work. He is still alive, now he is 94 or 95 years old. I asked if they know of any other victim cases and they said yes. I don’t know if they have been reported. I know that he has never been sanctioned.”
Have you ever thought of reporting him to the police?
“No, for me the priority was to heal my soul, not to sue. But the Church as an institution must be accountable. I went to them to report, now they have a duty to help the victims. For me it was important to have psychotherapeutic help, I don’t know if others want compensation: but in any case the Church has the task of helping survivors, without ifs, ands or buts”.