From then on, nothing else in “Madame Teia” makes sense. If Ezekiel’s plan has the consistency of wheat flour, his prey suffer from a complete lack of dramatic development, going no further than “young women angry with the world“. It’s painful to see Sydney Sweeney, one of modern cinema’s most promising actresses, wasted in a thankless and limited supporting role.
Each new narrative decision is more bizarre than the last, which includes Cassie’s trip to Peru, right in the middle of the action, to “seek answers” in her mother’s past. The more “Madame Teia” advances, the more it sinks with the misguided direction of SJ Clarkson (TV veteran, who made “Jessica Jones” and “The Defenders” for Marvel), which includes Ezequiel as a R$ Spider-Man 1.99 and the most shameful car chase in history.
In the “shared universe” of Spidey characters without Spidey, “Madame Teia” goes hand in hand with “Morbius”, with the aggravating factor of never assuming her position in this world. Adam Scott, for example, plays Ben Parker, Spider-Man’s tragically fateful uncle. He supports his sister-in-law Mary (Emma Roberts), who is about to have the baby. But at no point will you hear the child’s name, Peter.
Isabela Merced, Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney and Celeste O’Connor in ‘Madame Teia’ Image: Sony
The one who drew the short straw in “Madame Teia” was Dakota Johnson. While the actress shines in independent films like “Suspiria” and “The Lost Daughter,” here she takes on the thankless task of pretending that an ill-conceived character has any substance. She can’t even have fun in a would-be blockbuster, as this is a superhero adventure without superpowers, with Cassie’s awakened abilities being solely psychic.
“Ah, but the other Spider-Women appear in their uniforms in the trailer,” you might say. Well, those seconds in the previews are the only glimpse of the actresses – in addition to Sydney Sweeney, we have Celeste O’Connor and Isabela Merced – properly dressed. In the version I saw, there is also no post-credits scene, a “mark” of everything that has the Marvel seal. Maybe it’s better. Leaving the theater as soon as the film ends, at this point, is a blessing.