if our survival is to be Jewish
October 2023
i
my tears are crying
I am drowning
no longer wandering
in the wilderness
we have become
the pharaoh
ii
centuries of
sacred celebration
and suffering
sunk into strident subjugation
the mirror is cracking
iii
my despair is desperate
I am trembling
our prayers
so full of longing
mock us
we chant
in the shade
of a homeland
shuttering for half a century
the lives of humans
we push out of sight behind
(prison) Walls
iv
my anger is angry
I am shaking
our silence grows deadly
with the deal we’ve made
to defend our hearts
from knowing
they love their children
their laughter their lives
as much as we do
v
my rage is raging
I am bent
over
Jewish godmother to
an exuberant Palestinian boy,
now a man
my love for him
a kind of genesis,
his love for me a kind of grace
he would hate us
otherwise
not any kind of anti-Semitism
consequences
for making of him a demon,
and discarding him daily in the dust
of so many, too many checkpoints
vi
my trauma is traumatized
I am broken
we condemn them
for making corpses of
our children
as we make corpses
of theirs
the math of it
is bleeding us
dry
vii
my people, my Jewish people,
I don’t know how to reach you
our fear is afraid
and forgets
we are the ones
settling, seizing, sequestering
we pile fear upon fear like
stacks of rubble from
houses demolished
dreams destroyed
for decades
viii
my grief is grieving
I am wailing
we did not outlive
the horrors of holocaust
to hoard survival
like this
to hollow ourselves out
ix
or did we
x
my people, my Jewish people,
tell me it is not too late
to choose another way