Happy love exists! There are women who know in their life a wonderful, attentive man, full of qualities. A friendly, tender and romantic man. A man who knows how to respect them, cherish them, fill them with happiness. Same for men.
But, for various reasons, happy couples sometimes break up. Medical reasons may be at the origin of the difficult choice of separation, such as procreative incompatibility (infertility or biological incompatibility). In these impasse situations, the couple goes through an extremely difficult crisis to live with. When there is no way out, he must go hara-kiri to separate. Some time later, the lovers go, despite themselves, each on their own, in search of a new love, with bruised hearts.
And There you go. Life goes on, but it’s not always a smooth river. The woman gets back together with another man, believing that she will find, in her new relationship, the same values that she knew in her previous romantic experience. But hope can be disappointed. Sometimes we learn the hard way that not all rivers are so smooth… When we discover that the new partner who shares our life is the polar opposite of our “ex” and does not correspond to what we thought , the new water in which we swim becomes freezing.
The reality is sometimes fierce. The new guy is a hysterical, violent man who beats his partner all the time, who beats her up, for no reason. How can the woman accept being treated like this and how can she not feel nostalgic for her former partner in such a situation? Could we blame him for thinking about his former partner? No, obviously, since his best memories belong to the past. A happy past that she would so much like to update, to relive just a little bit of moments of joy. So we can’t blame a battered and abused woman for always having thoughts in her rearview mirror.
If she thinks about her ex again, the risk is that she will be accused of infidelity. But how can we shame a woman who we discover is in a relationship with someone harmful? A violent man, whose attitude resembles pathology, cannot demand respect and loyalty in return. And his partner cannot do the impossible to herself by remaining under the blows without reacting. Infidelity towards a violent man is understandable, in this case it becomes justifiable and even legitimate! Even God would not hold it against us for this when he pronounces his judgment in his supraworld.
No woman should strain, exhaust herself, or even ruin herself, for a man who will not change, and who will never change. These are the children who can be educated and molded. It is children who can give hope. But adults, for the most part, have reached their immutable form, they are who they are…
Sometimes you think about leaving him, but you hesitate to cross the Rubicon. Sister, what is the point of marriage or life with a toxic spouse? Life is short. Why spend your time exhausting yourself in storms that will never end? You need peace. You need love. Free yourself from the clutches of your jailer who malapropismally bears the title of “husband”. He’s not a husband. Because a husband who has neither tenderness nor wisdom is not one. Because a husband who humiliates and harasses his wife is an oppressor. And what do we do when faced with an oppressor? We simply get rid of it, we free ourselves from it, to live!
Louis-César BANCÉ