Tuesday January 23. Masters conference day. Nothing to eat before the first council at 1 p.m., the corrections are completed. We are insomniac. Well, we could still have a few rounds of this insipid Australian Open played in advance with a strong coffee, right? Well, come on, let’s try. What do we have to lose except 4 hours of our lives watching a Serb torture poor defenseless Fritz after all?
7:11 a.m.: We open one eye. There is 2-2 in the first set between Novak Djokovic and his favorite Taylor Fritz. We hesitate to suddenly go back to sleep with immediate effect when we realize the horror that risks being presented to us. Hey, but don’t we have a bingo grid that would be perfect for this kind of execution? Fortunately, aperitif time is still far away because we could almost turn it into a drinking game.
7:12 a.m.: As it is summer in Melbourne, Djoko immediately puts on his cap. To remove it 32 minutes later while we are still in the middle of a cloudless furnace (“It’s true that we are on a little 30, felt like 31-32”, according to the Eurosport journalists who are in the know since they comment from their studio in Geneva Issy-les-Moulineaux). And presto, already a box checked!
7:33:4-4. Djokornichon is hooked, he barely passes 20% of first balls. Taylor doesn’t have enough Fritz to capitalize and break him, but it’s already way beyond our expectations! And that’s another box filled at the same time!
7:40 a.m.: Already 8 break points harvested by our best Serbian enemy. 5-4 Fritz and box definitively validated.
7:44 a.m.: You already knew it, but we repeat it for fun: the world number 1 drops his cap, a few Australians feel unwell at the mere sight and are immediately evacuated, and the game resumes bareheaded.
7:47 a.m.: Very bad service game from our Djokopain, but (my) Taylor is poor. So much for the second box from the top from the left.
7:50 a.m.: First big Djokolère of the morning. Our Zen master (who changes still water into pure happiness by the simple force of his will for those who did not follow in 2020) attacks his clan who have the presumption not to look at him. Would there be a shortage of suspicious products on his chair? Did his cap get wet? We’ll never know. Still, the disciple of Pepe Imaz takes out a water bottle of what looks very much like 12 liters given its size, which is reminiscent of that of a dwarf elephant, and drinks a (dear) swig of it in rage.
7:54: 6-5 Fritz, 15-30 on the service of our Balkan homeopath. Fritz leads 19 winners to 9. Huh? You wouldn’t be telling us that Djoko defends and tries absolutely nothing? Impossible ! Hey, that deserves a box, that. We’ll think about it for next time.
7:55 a.m.: First break points of the set for Fritz and they are set points! They are naturally quickly overused (one box!), the second on an air shot of great beauty that the undersigned would not have denied on an old Sunday morning with a stubborn migraine. We see some people in the background who are surprised. Is this your first Djokovic-Fritz? Bunch of lucky guys.
7:58 a.m.: The other Djokomique is interrupted by a whining baby. The infant was immediately evacuated by security and therefore joined the natives who had fainted at 7:44 a.m. Our favorite Djokoplotist realizes at the same moment that he is suffering from the heat. Oh well anyway! A fourth box checked!
8:00 a.m.: Arnaud Clément, Eurosport consultant (over there in Issy), is already freewheeling. “He will have to find that little extra – we know he often finds it – but he is in difficulty. » Well, it’s cool that at least one person believes it.
8:01 a.m.: Djokombatif (who is suffering, remember?) does the impossible 27 times in a row and the brave American opposite ends up adjusting the tarpaulin on a penalty forehand in front of the empty court. 1-0 in the tie-break of the first set. A quick look at our grid and a fourth box falls!
8:03 a.m.: Four points to zero. Djokordesvocales screams for death and brandishes a vengeful fist. Oh there, but that’s still a box!
8:06:6-1. Djokoplexé taunts the audience and collects his first whistles of the day. Do you see this box in the third line like we do? Check!
8:08 a.m.: We have finished our first coffee and we are finally lucid enough to notice that our old Djokomplice is indeed significantly less charismatic than Roger and Rafa, as predicted by our grid. Meanwhile, the Serbian tank finished rolling over the poor blue helmet sent to the aid of world tennis. 7-3. We already check the first box of the second line and we prepare to unroll. Who said “inevitable”? Eh ? Oh well yes, us.
Impromptu close-up on Taylor Fritz’s coach in the stands.
8:20 a.m.: 0-0 in the second set, 40-30, double fault and immense anger from Novak, apparently already in the Djokordes. A second double immediately follows and we feel that Goran Ivanisevic is very close to taking a slap. Because yes, everything is naturally the fault of the old one servebot Croatian and current coach of the crazy guy who is gesticulating on the court at the moment. We suspect that it would be more judicious to blame a natural element and tick the appropriate box out of conscience.
8:21 a.m.: Second ball from Nole (who is SUFFERING, we remind you) at 190 km/h. Fritz still has morale in Djokompote and releases his return from two meters.
8:23 a.m.: FRITZ BREAK! It’s Djokorrida in the stands! Novak looks around at the newborn who has apparently returned to his seat of his own accord to distract him, just to sort out his Djokoms and clear his skin.
8:29 a.m.: We are at 0/9 on a break point on the Serbian side. It’s not a Djokoncours, but it’s starting to look good. On Eurosport, we redouble our insight: “Novak Djokovic seems to be suffering and I’m not sure he’s trying to hide it, it’s starting to show. » NO SHIT SHERLOCK. Come on, one more layer: “A Novak Djokovic who doesn’t look very dashing…” Are we checking the box again? We check the box again.
8:31 a.m.: On your stats! Fritz wins the set 85% of the time when he breaks first. In addition, he finds himself facing a Djokorvée who suddenly seems less insurmountable now that his counterpart “seems without energy, amorphous”. Tom Morel and Arnaud Clément definitely applied their contact lenses well this morning. The dying man hears them and continues with two consecutive aces and a shutout.
8:34 a.m.: Djokossard has changed sides with his head in his towel (editor’s note: his laundry in good French from home, we remind you that we are following the meeting on a Parisian channel). And we missed that because of the advertising.
8:35 a.m.: “We have the impression that Novak Djokovic is going to fall anyway. » Shall we check again? We check again.
8:36 a.m.: The sun has set. Novak Djokovic immediately feels much better. We wait a little longer before checking the box, we are missing the variable linked to the score.
8:38 a.m.: Novaxx – on the verge of death 3 minutes ago for those who have forgotten – has found his rhythm in service! He ignites his Djokosmos and plays his games.
20 Minutes and its oh-so-credible sources.
8:43 a.m.: Taylor makes bad choice after bad choice (another thing that has never happened to a Fritz in history) and finds himself trailing 15-40. He saves both break points and Djokomptable finds himself at 0/11.
8:51 a.m.: “Will this break last until the end of this set, Arnaud? »
8:53 a.m.: Twelfth break point… missed! And the next one also on THE POINT OF THE MATCH. Sorry, the caps lock got stuck again. And one more! So we are at fourteen.
8:58: “We know the film by heart, Arnaud…” Ah still! You guys took the time!
Djokovic’s incredible 0/15! 🤯
For the first time in his career, Novak Djokovic failed to convert a single one of the first 15 break points he obtained in a match.#AusOpen #HomeOfTennis
— Game, Set and Maths (@JeuSetMaths) January 23, 2024
8:59 a.m.: Fifteenth break point saved, the fifth of the game. “But what did Taylor Fritz eat today??? “We don’t know, Tom. For our part, we made gingerbread with a light coating of margarine.
9:08 a.m.: To everyone’s surprise, Fritz ends a series of 13 sets lost since 2021 against this somewhat Djokontrarian opponent. 7-6 4-6. To celebrate, he takes a bathroom break (bingo!).
9:12 a.m.: The break is starting to drag on and Djokeau is boiling. He even has Djokulot complaining about it. We will definitely have seen everything.
9:24 a.m.: “No one saves 16 break points in a row against Novak Djokovic. » The Serb’s entry break is sponsored by Vitas Gerulaitis. By dint of Fritz the code… anyway.
9:31 a.m.: Remember the 85% from before? Imagine that when Machin breaks first, he wins the set 93% of the time.
9:46: 7-6 4-6 6-2. There we check the 8:36 a.m. box. 3h01 of play. Taylor Fritz (26 years old) is physically drained while Novak Djokovic (36 years old and barely recovered from triple sunstroke, we remind you) is as fresh as a roach. And presto, one more box (even if it’s not the fifth set, too bad)!
9:48 a.m.: “A reaction from Novak Djokovic to the delight of his many fans! ” Pardon ?? Okay, here we check the first box of the penultimate line of rage.
9:58 a.m.: Taylor almost got broken at the start of the fourth round. What an apple, Fritz. Morel reminds us that “he still has every chance”. A bit like Gibraltar in the second half of a match against France.
10:04 a.m.: Barbara Schett takes everyone on the wrong foot with a revolutionary analysis. Indeed, it gives the advantage to Djokovic. YOU DON’T SAY.
Yeah so thank you very much Babs.
10:06: 7-6 4-6 6-2 2-1. 30-15 Fritz on an ace. Djokontreproductive is freaking out. Is that a box? It’s a box. Well yes, it was probably because of the wind.
10:13 a.m.: Fritz has a big toe problem. We hope that his takeover bid for the pain monopoly held by his opponent will not hinder his Djokoncentration.
10:16 a.m.: Exchange of 723 shots (at least). Djokoraupied screams on every shot, puts everything back, gets a twentieth break point and converts it! We check the box of the opponent who is pulling the pin.
10:21 a.m.: Fritz breaks on a let. Even the net hates Djoko. This sign is interpreted as the fact that the last quarter of the stadium has turned against him.
10:25 a.m.: Re-break. Novak prepares to give his Djokongé to his victim while serving for the match. We are told that when he makes the quarter-finals in Australia, he wins the tournament every time. So let’s check one more!
10:29: 7-6 4-6 6-2 6-3, end of joke. See you next year for our big bingo “Andrey Rublev loses an eleventh consecutive quarter-final in three dry sets and takes up field hockey”.
The state of awareness and total preparation reached by our Djokouteausuisse in each match.
10:32 a.m.: We stay for a few more minutes when we see that the interviewer who is scampering towards the winner is none other than Nick Kyrgios. We remind you that he has still not officially announced his retirement. Neither does John McEnroe. The difference between the two lies in the fact that we have less difficulty remembering the last time Johnny Mac was competitive.
Score final:
When is Sport Sunday?