The short version
- Michaela Kovacs (27), footballer for Vålerenga, opens up about her mental health and depression
- She went to the club and asked for help to deal with dark thoughts after moving to Norway and adapting to a new environment
- Vålerenga supported her with therapy and resources, which has helped
- Kovacs has been accepted into the captain’s team in Vålerenga, and is now preparing for another successful season
Sea view
The atmosphere suddenly becomes oppressive in the canteen at Intility Arena. She has spent six months in Norway, without family, friends or boyfriend.
– I’m not going to sit here and lie and say that it hasn’t affected me mentally. Moving to a new place where you don’t know anyone is quite mentally isolating, says Michaela Kovacs (27) to VG.
In January this year, she ended up at a point where she had to go to the management in Vålerenga and say the terrifying words:
“It’s not going so well for me outside of football, I need help,” Kovacs recounts.
She is clearly affected.
The stopper, who has been accepted into Vålerenga’s captain’s team after six months at the club, has one advantage, however:
It is not so hard to ask for help this time, because she knows what’s going on.
HONEST: Michaela Kovacs in the canteen at Intility Arena. Photo: Synne Sofie Christiansen / VG
At the university it happened for the first time.
– Then I struggled a lot. It affected my everyday life to the point where it became drastic, she says.
– What did you feel at the time?
– You feel flat. You have a voice in the back of your head that does not allow you to feel pride and strength. I didn’t talk to anyone, thinking that those around me didn’t really care about me. They weren’t my friends. It’s a very toxic way of thinking, says Kovacs.
She knew deep down that she needed to say it out loud, ask for help – but:
– When you are in it for the first time, it is one of the biggest, toughest and most frightening steps to take – to acknowledge that you are vulnerable, and to be open about the fact that you are not well. But once you do, everything gets much better, she says.
She was diagnosed with clinical depression It is normal to be sad from time to time, but when you are depressed, the low mood lasts much longer and affects sleep, relationships with others, work and appetite. Depression is rarely something you get out of easily, and many people need professional help. Source: Helsenorge, and had to take the time to help.
– Depression goes in waves, and for many years I have been very well, she says.
This winter she ended up in a deep valley again. With the help of her boyfriend’s words over the phone, she plucked up the courage and asked for help.
– He pushed me to extend a hand. Because once I did, it got better. It’s still challenging and I’m still working on it, but it’s going in the right direction now.
LIGHTING UP: Michaela Kovacs and her boyfriend. The pair met when Kovacs was playing in Sweden. He still lives there. Photo: Private
– How is it to say out loud that you struggle mentally when you are in a performance group?
– It can become a real thought trap. That “if I ask for help, will people look at me differently?” But I think if someone thinks like that about me, is it worth more than me getting better? It is not.
– But from a football perspective, it is tough to ask for help from someone who is responsible for my career, playing time, what I think and do. But luckily I was comfortable enough to do it, she says.
Head coach Nils Lexerød says that he was both proud and happy, but also a little worried when Kovacs plucked up the courage and told her aloud how she felt in February this year.
– First of all, I was happy that she told me, so that we had the opportunity to help her, says Lexerød to VG.
Nils Lexerød
Head coach Vålerenga Ladies
He believes it is incredibly important that players feel that they are in an environment where it is accepted to show vulnerable sides of themselves. He has been concerned with that in recent years in Vålerenga.
– If they do not have the opportunity to do so, it is very difficult for us coaches to understand why someone somehow starts to change their behavior or that their performance drops. In Michaela’s case, there were no early signs, he says.
In the dressing room the day after the series opener against Stabæk, Kovacs opened up to the entire playing group about his own situation.
Lexerød is clear about one thing:
– It must not be made into something about gender. It is just as important in a men’s team. To create the environment where there is an acceptance of being vulnerable.
– How often would you say that you have experienced such cases as a trainer?
– More often than the players think, says Lexerød.
Did you get this one?
Kovacs is now in therapy, and has found his safe group in Vålerenga.
– The club has stood up and contributed with resources around my mental health, so that I can make the two lives work together and find my place here in Oslo, she says.
– Why do you think it is important to speak out about mental health?
– We often put footballers, athletes and celebrities on a pedestal. Life is going so well for them, they are successful and just want gold. But depression doesn’t care about that, it doesn’t care about what’s going on in your life, says Kovacs.
Asking for help is the only thing that can make everyday life more manageable, she believes.
– Then it will be better. Does it go away? No. There is a lot I have to work on. I still struggle with depression, but the people around me help calm my mind to the point where I think logically, she says.
She herself does not see the depression as an obstacle.
– If anything, it has made me stronger mentally, she says.
SHOWERED DOWN: Kovacs showered Linn Vickius with bubbles after the series title was secured on 11 November last year. Photo: Heiko Junge / NTB
Now Kovacs is preparing for another golden season with Vålerenga.
– We have a good group of managers. We have something good going on. We want to win the league and win the cup. And we look forward to the Champions League, says Kovacs.
And the most exciting game of the season? It will be against fire, she believes.
– They are a tough opponent. They play a bit like us. I think our qualities will match well, and hopefully we will end up on top, she says.
See who the Brann players would (not) take with them on a desert island: