Women’s things – Dan Savage

Warning. The language of this column is direct and explicit.

I want to correct you on something you often repeat: that a man knows how to “hide” his bisexual orientation. I do not agree. I immediately understood that my boyfriend was gay or bi, but he denied it for a while. Only it was so obvious! He felt sorry for himself in bed, did not take the initiative and completely ignored the female anatomy! I had to go looking for evidence, which I found after nine months. To which I mercilessly screwed him with his friends, humiliated him in person, and stuck his profile on a gay dating app under his nose. I enjoyed from start to finish, exposing his lies and telling everyone the truth, because he used and exploited me to have a fake relationship. On a couple of things I was wrong. First, to think that if I asked him “Are you gay?” he would simply confess. Error, because it didn’t happen. Second, that if he was gay he wouldn’t hide it because the LGBT people won the fight for rights. Error. I’m a fagot just because I like to feel superior and enjoy what I get from gay friends. But in a female’s house there is already one.

–Furious And Vengeful Ex

You are a hideous person, I don’t want you among my readers and I hope your gay friends understand how toxic you are and cut you out, unless they are hideous like you, in which case they deserve you.

Let’s be clear, FAVE: your ex got it wrong. I have always had little respect for undeclared gays who hook up with women to distract from the fact that they like cock (assuming your ex was gay and not bi). But if this in bed was a sucker (with you), didn’t take the initiative (at least not with you) and you had to give him a flashlight to find your clitoris (and maybe not even that one), why waste nine months? You could and should have dumped him at the first bad fuck, FAVE, or at the first suspicion that he wasn’t with you (or your gender) wanting to have sex.

And for the record, FAVE: orientation can hide it from anyone, not just bisexuals. Many of these, however, do not come out for fear of being ruthlessly reviled by angry, resentful and vengeful partners / exes. Again, I have little sympathy for undeclared gays who lie to women by deceiving them. But if your ex was bisexual, not gay, and you weren’t committed to being monogamous, he had every right to fuck other people, including those with penises.

I have a question for you about pubic hair. I am a forty year old heterosexual who has recently started dating one. We’ve known each other for a month, yet he keeps asking me to shave or shorten my pubic hair. Too little time has passed for me to feel like modifying my body for him. Is mine an unusual attitude? Is it the norm today to get rid of pubic hair? To me, honestly, his hair doesn’t bother me, as long as it’s clean. Sorry for the boring letter, but I was curious about your opinion.

–Lover Interrogates My Pubes

There are those who shave to please themselves, LIMP, and those who do it to please the other. You don’t have to shave because the guy you hang out with asks you, LIMP, but unless he pressures you or takes it, it doesn’t seem like fucking behavior to me. If he asked politely, you said no and he let it be, LIMP, that means he can accept a no, and that’s good news, isn’t it? That said, I don’t think shortening your hair to please a new partner is equivalent to “modifying your body”. It’s not like getting a tattoo or removing a limb: if once shortened you don’t like them, or you don’t like the feeling, LIMP, you can safely stop shortening them and in a couple of weeks you will have restored your natural habitat.

***

I am a woman paired with a man, and we are beginning to explore ABDL. I am submissive, he dominates. I have a doubt: would it be okay if I changed his diapers? I want to show him that I too am ready to clean him and take care of him, but I know that divers can’t do certain things, and as a submissive I want to stay in my place. On such matters I trust your opinion.

–Pensively Approaching Diapered Dom

I’m okay with you changing his diapers, PADD, but you have to ask him too. Games of this type don’t always involve power exchanges, but when D / s is added to the ABDL it is usually the submissive person who puts on the diaper (and has it changed), while the dominant puts it on and changes it. But if your Dom likes to wear a diaper, PADD, the boundary is already undefined, so I don’t see why you couldn’t at least offer it to him. And if having the diver change his diaper makes him feel less dominant, just keep changing it yourself.

I am a forty year old cis single. I never wanted children, but at one point I thought I was going to get married or have a stable relationship. It didn’t happen. And that’s fine, I like my life, I make good money, I own a home, and I love and appreciate all the great benefits of being single (doing what I want, when I want and let’s face it: farting at home when needed). I have a lot of dear married friends, they are my family. I accept the idea of ​​being able to stay single (but not alone!) Maybe for life, and that’s not a problem either. But tighten tight: I need sexual intimacy. I love my life, but I don’t like the idea of ​​never having a sexual partner again. I like sex, and I like it a lot. I would like to do this with a person I know well enough to feel comfortable. But I live in a place where online dating fluctuates between the fleeting and the creepy. Plus I’m overweight, insecure and not exactly queuing at the door. Give me some advice, Dan.

–She Isn’t Necessarily Getting Laid, Eh?

Online dating seems fleeting because more often than not, like live ones, they are. They’re casual, like hooking up with a stranger at the bar, and like most casual encounters, they lead nowhere. They can be disturbing because the guy on duty looks like a serial killer, but usually they are because you make yourself vulnerable by exposing yourself to rejection, and for that kind of restlessness there, SINGLE, you can only increase tolerance.

Finally, and at the cost of arousing controversy: if you like your life as it is, SINGLE, and if you like to fart free, there are married men who don’t fuck at home, and not all of them are assholes. Some are good people – loving and with a loving low-conflict marriage – who have decided to stay married for perfectly honorable reasons. A stable relationship with a good person who doesn’t want more than what can be offered could make one of them, SINGLE, very happy and you a little happier too.

(Translation by Matteo Colombo)