The author feels betrayed by her “work wife”. Namthip Muanthongthae/Getty Images
I had a daily ritual with my co-worker where we basically shared everything with each other.
She used this information to get a raise and I felt like she betrayed my trust.
After my experience with my work colleague, I now set boundaries with my colleagues.
This is a machine translation of an article from our US colleagues at Business Insider. It was automatically translated and checked by an editor.
“I think I’m going to get a divorce,” I said to my colleague during our lunch break, who was increasingly becoming my “work wife.” We were sitting in one of the hallways of our company’s headquarters, which we liked to call our thinking space. It featured repeating triangles hanging from the ceiling, all hollow and in a long row. Looking through them was like meditating in a science fiction hallway.
We had been coming to this place almost every day for months. We talked about work and relationships, about frustrations and joys. She knew all about my marital problems; I knew her boyfriend sometimes got frustrated because she was too dedicated to work.
We quickly developed a deep friendship in our thinking space. We relied on each other for support, regardless of the situation, good or bad. We were there for each other in the office – until I felt like she was betraying me.
I had news about her position in the company and told her about it
One day I sent a message to my friend to think about it. She was frustrated with her boss, who kept giving her new projects instead of giving her the raise she expected. I had learned from my boss that her job description was going to be changed again, giving her more responsibility but not more money. My boss had told me not to share this information with anyone, but she was my friend. And in this situation I would want to know too.
“I know this will upset you,” I told her in the hallway. “But please keep it to yourself. My boss specifically asked me not to share the information. Treat this time as an opportunity to reflect and come up with a better response.”
She didn’t keep it to herself. We returned to our desks and she told me she was angry. I told her I understood and was sorry, but that the information might have been helpful. I asked her if she wanted to talk about it again.
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I didn’t hear from her again for 20 minutes. In the next message I received I learned the reason: “I talked to my boss about this and told him that I now need a raise or a promotion. He asked me where I got the message from.”
I felt a lump in my throat as I asked, “What did you tell him?”
“I told him that you told me and that your boss told you,” she said.
I was shocked. How could this person I trusted, this supposedly close friend, alienate me like this? It felt like she was using me to get a raise.
Then came the final blow. I told her that’s it mean had put her job in danger, and she answered me in one sentence: “You should have expected that.”
It felt like she was using me as a springboard for career advancement. Up until this point, I had assumed that all the stories about toxic work environments and the advice not to trust your co-workers were exaggerated. I thought my work colleagues were people I could trust. Maybe I was too naive.
I tried to improve the situation for myself
I immediately broke off all contact with my colleague. I told one person, a mutual friend, what happened and then never brought it up again. I haven’t spoken to my boss about it, and I’ve never heard of it, so I can only assume my boss never found out.
From that point on, all work-related communication between me and this colleague was recorded in writing. We stopped visiting our hallway to chat. I felt like I couldn’t trust her anymore.
I left the job later that year and maintain my boundaries at work.
Read the original article Business Insider.
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