According to experts John and Julie Gottman from the Gottman Institute, who have observed and interviewed thousands of couples, there are three key actions that all healthy relationships carry out. These actions are essential for managing conflicts in a successful way and maintaining a strong bond.
The first key action is to arrange. During conflicts, successful couples are those who have some form of compensation from the party that is at fault. This means that during an argument, it is important to recognize mistakes, put yourself in the other person’s shoes, and take steps to fix any wrongdoings.
The second key action is to have positive interactions. The Gottmans found that during disagreements, the ratio of positive to negative interactions should be five to one. This includes gestures like holding hands, showing understanding, and having a non-confrontational attitude when discussing differing opinions.
The third key action is to ask for things clearly and not make claims without explanations. It is important to avoid sending mixed signals and communicate openly about needs and desires. Being direct and clear in communication can prevent misunderstandings and build trust in the relationship.
In addition to these key actions, the experts also provided five phrases that indicate a healthy relationship. These include “Thank you,” “Help me understand this,” “I can forgive you, can you forgive me?”, “I’m committed to you,” and “I like you.”
By following these key actions and using clear communication, couples can cultivate a strong and healthy bond that withstands conflicts and promotes growth in the relationship.