Author reveals how easy it is to make difficult decisions

Ms. Scherer, in your new book “Awakened” you talk about moments of awakening that everyone can have in their life. When was your last?

Kerstin Scherer:
It is important that it is not about a moment of enlightenment that one knows from Buddhism. We can have an awakening moment every day. This can be an inspiration or a realization that triggers an experience in us. An example from my life would be that I once realized that I used to call one of my girlfriends, but she never did the other way around. So I asked her why and she said I was so busy she didn’t dare text me. I thought we sorted that out, but a year later the situation was still the same. Then I started thinking about the friendship and how much I would invest and what I would get back. These small moments of awakening are important for a person to differentiate themselves from others and to break new ground.

How do I know when I have an important inspiration?

Scherer:
You always automatically identify the moment when you suddenly have the feeling that you have come a little closer to the truth. And then you immediately have the chance to take a different path. It doesn’t have to be incredible enlightenment. For example, I’m a very busy person and I’ve made it a habit to take five minutes a day when nobody can bother me. It’s only five minutes, but it saves the world for me.

How can you bring about such moments?

Scherer:
Such moments can always be brought about when we seek rest. It doesn’t matter whether we go hiking or to a monastery, like I once did, or whether we withdraw a bit from this hectic world in some other way.

Some take weeks off for it…

Scherer:
I also used to do Zen meditation, which means meditating for eight hours a day and nothing else. And the Buddhists are really strict about it. I had a great moment of enlightenment, but after that my life went on the same as before. The only difference was that I had a different calm and different ideas about what I want and don’t want. It’s all about this.

About the little eurekas of everyday life?

Scherer:
Yes, and about how consciously we live, perceive these moments and adjust our lives accordingly. There are many people who do not feel open enough for this.

What advice do you give these people in your book?

Scherer:
The book is in three parts. The first part is a biography of my life. That alone isn’t particularly exciting. I’m not Mark Zuckerberg. I will not invent a second Facebook in this life either. But that doesn’t make my life any worse, and I still have the right to try to make something better out of everything in my life – like everyone else. I would like to inspire you with my own life story.

The second part deals with behavioral patterns that I encounter again and again in my work with people. It’s about patterns that bother people about themselves, but which they have no idea how to change. The solution lies in acknowledging what is and not hiding the problems.

The third part is about the connection between business and spirituality. I am CEO myself of a company with 53 employees. It is therefore completely clear to me that in order to be able to tread a good path, you need tangible strategies. That’s why there is a training part with 60 questions that can be worked through in a few days.

In the second part you talk a lot about “negative beliefs” that hold us back. What do you mean by that?

Scherer: Negative beliefs are classic pieces of wisdom that we mostly inherited from our parents from the collective consciousness of society. These are not bad sentences, but in my case, for example, advice like “You have to work hard before you can earn money” or “Money spoils the character” and so on. We have internalized many such beliefs. For example, they make us believe that we are unrecognized or unable to relate.

There are good phrases that can help people and others that hold people back. For example, I now appreciate money and I don’t begrudge others it, even though my parents told me in the 1980s that a lot of money can spoil character. Today one of my beliefs is that my life has to make sense and that I want to leave something good behind. I learned this in my work in terminal care. Dying people often wonder if their lives made sense and if they were good people – not how overweight or how much money they had in their bank accounts.

One often reads such stories of people at the end of their lives. However, most people don’t seem to get the message. Why?

Scherer:
We crave recognition. This is one of our needs. That’s what we’re geared towards. That’s extreme in midlife. Most of the time we have small or medium-sized children, we want to be professionally successful and in this phase between the ages of 40 and 45 we usually are. We usually put the question of meaning at the back, which is much more urgent at the age of 60 or 70. That’s not bad either, but you should be aware of it and use it to create the most meaningful thing in the respective phase of life. I’m also very busy at the moment and I work a lot. But I still go to soccer with my son and to the gym with my daughter because I want to spend time with my kids because they’re really important to me. We should never forget that.

They meditated for days, went to the monastery. Not everyone can do that. How do others find the peace to think about their lives, their blockages and desires in this way?

Scherer:
Thats is quite easy. Whenever we encounter a problem or are unsuccessful somewhere, we notice a hurdle in our own mind. I’ve been counseling people for 25 years now and I often find that when people lie in bed at night and turn off the light, they have such a stale feeling of loneliness or inadequacy. Then the only question is: What exactly are you missing? You don’t have to sit on a meditation cushion every day to notice something like this.

So how do I find the right change?

Scherer:
By asking yourself what is good for you, where you can find fulfillment. Do you have the right friends? What else can you do to change yourself?

Identifying problems and possible solutions is one thing, implementing them is another. How do I motivate myself to do this?

Scherer:
I’ve been thinking about this for 20 years. I have found a good solution for myself that is easy to use for everyone: Just ask yourself four questions when making a decision. The first two questions are: do I love it? And do I need it? The other two are: Do I want it? And do I like it?

If you answered yes to the first two questions, you should do it. If you answer “yes” to the last two, then you need to reconsider whether this decision makes sense. I attribute the first two questions to the soul within us, the last two to the ego.

I’ll explain this with a trivial example. I love shoes, as do many other women. I have enough shoes, as do many others. And these high heels that I see in the window right now are presented so beautifully. They may even have just been reduced in price. And then I just ask myself: Do I love these shoes and do I need them? Or do I want her and like her? That changed my shopping behavior drastically. But this system can also be applied to relationships. Do I love this woman or man and do I need her or him? Or do I just want this relationship and like the other?

They give many tips on how people can get closer to their own meaning and happiness. But how selfish can I be? My own happiness could often be someone else’s misfortune.

Scherer:
There are always ways to pursue your own happiness without harming others. That’s incredibly important to me. If we think in extreme situations that the only solution is to leave the situation and possibly harm others, then there is definitely still potential for learning in our own lives. We don’t have to live a happy life at the expense of others.