What should I eat, who should I marry? Decisions determine our everyday life. Despite this, we often find it difficult to meet them. Why is that?
Press the snooze button and go back to sleep or get up straight away? First a quick shower to wake up – or would you rather have a coffee first? Slip into a chic business outfit or go casual today? Every day we try to find answers to these and similar questions. So we encounter decisions early in the morning, when we are still halfway in dreamland. It is estimated that we make around 20,000 decisions every day, most of them subconsciously and within milliseconds.
We are actually used to making decisions. Nevertheless, we often find it difficult to do so as soon as we have to make a conscious choice. Studies have even shown that the more choices people have, the less happy they become. But why is it like that? Family therapist Birgit Salewski explains the phenomenon in an interview with the “Bayerischer Rundfunk” as follows: “Many people are afraid to commit themselves because they fear they might make the wrong decision. That means they don’t trust their judgment, or not enough.”
Decisions: why are we having such a hard time making them?
What if the decision is wrong? A question that we are sure each of us has asked ourselves. It can be something as simple as buying a dress – or a life-changing decision to get married or become pregnant. We will never get a guarantee for the right decision. This is particularly difficult for people who are perfectionists and admit little room for mistakes.
But Salewski names another hurdle that stands in our way when making decisions: the fear of conflict. “People like to avoid conflicts and sometimes at the price of not making a decision,” she says on “Bayerischer Rundfunk”. So the common denominator is fear. We fear losing something through decisions and quickly lose out of it look that we gain something with every decision, that’s what it’s all about in the end.
As Benjamin Franklin once said, “The worst decision is indecisiveness.” When we shy away from decisions, we are doing ourselves absolutely a disservice. Our brain likes fixed structures and can only deal moderately well with the vague situation within a decision-making process. The result: carousel of thoughts and constant tension. Do you know that? Then we have a few tips to make your next decision easier.
Trust in yourself
Especially when it comes to important decisions, it is advisable to exchange ideas and get other opinions. Even so, you should end up giving the most value to your own feelings. No one, not even your best friend or closest confidante, can empathize with you. That’s why the following also applies: Don’t be afraid of misunderstandings in your environment if you want to make a decision that doesn’t quite correspond to the mainstream. It is your life, your responsibility and therefore your decision.
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Recognize the shades of gray
Most people approach decisions with an either/or attitude. Our world does not consist of black and white; we live in shades of grey. If you absolutely cannot decide between two paths, it is therefore worth looking for a middle ground. There are usually many more options than meets the eye at first glance.
Sleep on it
Admittedly, each of us has at some point slept over a decision. However, the phrase is often used to postpone a decision. The “sleeping on it” really works. During sleep, our brain processes the information even more intensively and compares it with our subconscious, so that we have already made many decisions when we wake up without knowing it.
Get a bird’s eye view
The bigger the decision to be made, the smaller we feel. Sometimes the whole thing even grows over your head, so that a feeling of powerlessness sets in. Here it is worth creating a mental distance. Do you ask yourself what effect the decision will really have on your life – in a year, in five years and in ten years? Et voila: The current decision problem already seems tiny – and manageable.
Find out about your options
If you are spoiled for choice, you should of course know exactly what your options are. So play through each scenario carefully and make a pros and cons list. This rationalizes the decision and gives you the security of being as well prepared as possible.
Listen to your body signals
Here it is at last, the much invoked gut feeling, also known as intuition. There are choices, especially when it comes to love, that we really should make with our feelings. But also when it comes to a new job or the option of a change of residence, we will have a feeling for every option. You should always include these body signals in your decision – even if they are not always the only criterion.
Don’t be afraid of making the wrong decisions
None of us is perfect, everyone has made a decision that they later regretted. But even if you get stuck with a decision, you learn something from it for your future path. Sure, it’s so easy to write. But perhaps you have already taken a detour or two, only to realize a few years later that, looking back, it was a good thing. In any case, science agrees: We grow from our mistakes. So dare to make some.
Make decisions? Just do it!
We humans are creatures of habit. So if we make more conscious choices in everyday life, then at some point the big decisions will also become easier for us. Every time we choose one thing over another, we increase our self-efficacy. We learn: We have our lives under control and the reins in our hands. And that is exactly the feeling we need when it comes to the big questions in life.
Those: Bavarian radio, interview; Book: Make decisions successfully