August 11, 2021 15:43
Warning. The language of this column is direct and explicit.
I fell in love with my second cousin four years ago at a family party (I haven’t seen him since I was a child!). We met when I was 15, he was two years older than me, and we were together at a distance for three years. A year ago we broke up and this fall I’ll see him again for the first time at another family occasion. He will come with the new girlfriend. Is it my duty to make her comfortable? Do I stay away to avoid family drama? I went out of my way to rework this thing, Dan, and I’d like to do a healthy exercise in consistency with myself.
– Cancel On Upcoming Shindig? I’m Not Sure!
I hope that at the end of the relationship you only had to process the inevitable pain, COUSINS, which is that your ex boyfriend (and current second cousin) was not emotionally or physically violent, and that there were traumas to process. And I hope that the relatives did not bother too much because you were with a cousin (a bit all over the world you can get married even between second cousins!). Imagining that your ex only broke your heart (risk present in every relationship), by going to this family commitment you have to do what any adult would do if you were at a wedding, funeral or party with your ex. You slap a smile in the face and greet him, politely introduce yourself to her and avoid them for the rest of the day. If you don’t want to get stuck talking to one or both of them, COUSINS, and if you say “I’m sorry, but I miss the poop so much” seems out of tune, ask someone to interfere. This person will have to be around you as much as possible, and if by chance you split up and sees you trapped with your ex or new girlfriend, COUSINS, they will have to rush to rescue you.
And if a relative broke the boxes because you were second cousins - if you suffered more than a few harmless jokes to express the discomfort and ease the tension – and if from that came your need to rework the break with what it is Been a little bit of your high school boyfriend (and one that you would have left anyway), COUSINS, so this party is a chance to fuck him off.
Do I have to worry about my son who – at 24, straight, cute, with friends – is still a virgin?
– Mulling Over Moments
You can tell a mother not to worry and she will, MOM, so worry. But if your child knows that he can talk to you about anything, MOM, and if he has decided not to talk about it, and if it doesn’t upset him and isn’t unhappy, leave him alone. If he has friends – and you say he has some – then he has fellow men to confide in love life with, if he wants one, and to confess his sexual inexperience, if he considers it a problem, why not.
Three months ago I declared myself polyamorous in an email sent to my parents and extended family, because I was tired of asking one of my partners to pretend to be “the roommate” when parents, sisters or brothers came to see me, and because I’m sorry about dying to exclude him from family occasions and celebrations (sorry too). In September we will reunite with relatives for the Labor day weekend and we want to go. Is there any way to avoid embarrassment?
– Bringing All My Boyfriends Inside
No.
PS They will get used to the fact that six poles will get used to them, and with time the embarrassment will go away. But avoiding that first outburst of pure embarrassment is impossible. Instead of trying to avoid it, BAMBI, try to laugh at it.
I grew up in a right-wing crazy family and in an equal parish. The youth manager, who is my best friend’s stepfather and was a father figure to me, was also a sex offender. He started making advances to me when I was seventeen, saying that he had thought of me “that way” since I was twelve. I later found out that he got a mentally disabled woman pregnant, and my childhood best friend hinted that she molested her too. To my utmost anger, neither his wife, nor the parish, nor my own parents have ever decided to report him or take other measures. It is scandalous that he is still considered a respectable figure in the parish. A few days ago another childhood friend died. He was my best friend’s cousin, and we grew up together. Of course, the asshole will also be at the funeral. I decided to be there to be next to my friend, but how do I interact with the harasser to avoid a scene? I don’t want to move a sad occasion on me, but I refuse to have the slightest exchange with him. What if you fuck him?
– Feels Uncomfortable Near Extremely Religious Asshole Lowlifes
Your best friend hinted that he – her godfather – may have molested her, but she didn’t take the initiative to tell you. But you know for sure that he took advantage of a mentally disabled woman and harassed you when you were a minor. And like so many molesters who hang out on altars, the piece of shit did well too. This has no consequences, no one asks him to account for it, and so he continues to occupy a position – with spiritual authority – from which he can harass vulnerable women and girls, as he is likely to do. How disgusting.
I’d be to fuck him off at the funeral – and loudly – but there’s one thing you can do even earlier. You have no control over what your parents or parish did or did not do, FUNERAL, and even if it is not up to you to tell your friend’s story – of which you do not know the full version, or not officially – but you can tell yours. You can report the piece of shit to the damned bigots who run the parish and at the same time to the police, obviously communicating to the interested parties that you have done so. Although the complaint does not guarantee that measures will be taken against the worm (see under Catholic church, sexual abuse scandal) at least they will know that by doing nothing they risk economic damage (see under Catholic church, compensation for sexual abuse scandal).
In my life I have seen some funeral, FUNERAL, and those we later remember are not those present, but those who were with us before and after. You go to be next to an old friend, and if the asshole is around feel free to skip the funeral.
(Translation by Matteo Colombo)
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