Warning. The language of this column is direct and explicit.
I am a forty-year-old paired with a man and for the first time I have a symptomatic sexually transmitted disease (STD): warts, hooray! I discovered them a couple of months ago (around the hole in the c.) And today I went to have them removed by the gynecologist. My question is: should I tell the boyfriend? We’ve been together for five months, and we don’t use precautions because I have the IUD. Other info: He never licked me over there. She would like to, but being very submissive it’s hard for me to come that way, so so far I’ve put it off. Now that I wanted to give it a try, here I have warts. I don’t know if he has seen them. Maybe yes? We haven’t done it from behind in months, maybe that’s why. Have you seen them before me and don’t want to do it in that position ever since? Come to think of it, two days ago he wanted to fuck me from behind, but I said no because he embarrassed me. Should I tell him I have warts? We’ve been having unprotected sex four or five times a week for five months.
–Worrying About Really Terribly Situation
“Yes, you have to tell him,” replies Dr. Ina Park, a professor of family and community medicine at the University of California San Francisco. “If, as I hope, he reacts with calm and understanding, it won’t be a problem for either of us.”
What you are in, WARTS, is the typical situation that I have long called “” a thing vs. everything”. Let me explain: by revealing that you have the papilloma virus (HPV), you will tell your boyfriend one thing he needs to know about you, which is that you have a very common and easily transmitted sexual infection. His reaction, however, will tell you everything you need to know about him. If he doesn’t appear calm and understanding right away, WARTS, or if he doesn’t quickly retrace his steps, you will know that someone like this is better not to have him in bed, let alone in the ass.
“And although I generally avoid framing HPV in terms of ‘guilt’ of one partner or the other”, continues Dr. Park, “if the boyfriend gets upset, I would point out another thing: since the warts they appeared shortly after the start of the relationship, it is likely that he was the one who transmitted the HPV that caused them to her ”.
Dr. Park, who is also a STD prevention consultant for the Center for Disease Control (and therefore knows what the fuck she is talking about), notes that usually the strains of Hpv more prone to causing warts – type 6 and type 11, for those who take note – they begin to cause symptoms a few months after they start having sex with a partner with HPV who does not reveal it or has not been diagnosed. “Sometimes it takes longer, and warts can appear even two years after contact,” adds the doctor. “But several studies conducted in the United States show that between exposure to HPV and the development of warts take an average of three to six months. Therefore, if we cannot establish who among the partners of WART has transmitted it to him, the current boyfriend fits perfectly into the time window ”.
Which doesn’t mean your boyfriend, knowing he has HPV, didn’t tell you and didn’t try to protect you, WARTS, maybe using a condom, which would offer a consistent level of protection. Like most people with Hpv – assuming it is – chances are your boyfriend didn’t know it (he may not have it, but chances are he does: almost all sexually active adults have it).
Today there is a safe and effective vaccine against HPV – which protects against HPV-induced cancers: cervix, penis, rectum and throat – and the ideal would be to have children vaccinated before they have a sex life. But the vaccine can also be useful to sexually active adults up to age 45, including those who already have HPV.
“Since we know WARTS ‘immune system didn’t get rid of HPV easily – because he had warts – the vaccine is a great idea in his case,” says Dr. Park. “It will protect her from Hpv strains she has not yet been exposed to, including others that cause warts and tumors. WARTS should also keep in mind that often more than one treatment is needed to eliminate warts. So know that if they don’t disappear immediately or disappear and come back, it can be perfectly normal ”.
My brother submits to one “moneymistress”, which I would have preferred not to know and I only found out because our mother “unintentionally” read his e-mail while he was at home (it wasn’t unintentional. She’s nosy). So I talked to my brother, fearing that he – who earns well but never got away with money – would let himself be exploited. Well, I find out that this woman has put a spending limit on him. Accept your “contributions” only if you prove by receipt that you have also paid $ 500 into the pension fund. In short, my brother, from zero savings he had, went to having 120 thousand dollars in the pension fund (this has been going on for a while). I had thought of writing to her to thank her (I have her email, thanks to our mother), but it seemed a little too intrusive, so I write to you hoping she will read you. Thank you for having demonstrated ethical sense, and for having succeeded where I had always failed: to push my brother to think about his future. And sorry for mom’s psycho email.
–Intrusion Reveals A Sincerely Ethical Person
I’m glad your brother looking for a moneymistress, found an honest one. I remain convinced that in the so-called findom there are also unscrupulous people, just as there are among the financial consultants, building contractors and preachers of certain megachurches. But even though someone is likely to take more than what clients / slaves can afford, I believe abuse is rare. You don’t have to take my word for it: a lot of findoms post receipts on Twitter, and it’s rare for someone to accept more than a hundred dollars from a customer / slave for a milking session.
PS Since the moneymistress honest about your brother has already caught a delusional email from your mother – you say “psychopathic”, but it must have been full of insults and prejudices – I absolutely invite you to write her to thank her, rather than hoping she will read you in my column.
***
I only tell you the essential: I have been married for almost twenty years in a monogamous couple. Before the wedding, my husband had an affair with someone else. She left him, but they remained friends. At first it made me jealous and made me insecure. He then married me, while she didn’t get married. My husband and I have had the normal ups and downs of a couple raising two children since then, but we are very solid now, and have been friends with her for years. She was recently diagnosed with early and very aggressive breast cancer. It was already widespread when he discovered the lump. They gave her a year to live. My husband accompanied her to the first chemo session. That evening he told me that because she was agitated and wanted to calm her down, he gave her a kiss “to distract her”. I asked him if “to distract her” he had even gone to bed. He replied sure no, and promised it would not happen again. I’ve had a couple of weeks to think about it, and I think I should give him permission to sleep with it. The 20-year-old me would be horrified, but I’ll be honest, Dan: if I had a year left to live, before I leave I would like to have great sex with a man who loved me. If in the short time she has left he is able to give her a little pleasure, I certainly won’t be the one to blame him for it. Is this a bad idea? A madness?
–Sharing Is Caring, Kapiche?
This is not madness, SICK. It is a beautiful, complicated, generous thought full of implication and compassion. You want this woman, the rival who has become your friend, to receive some love and physical pleasure in a time of extreme fear and suffering. They were all like you, the rivals. Talk to your husband about it. Maybe she disagrees, or maybe she doesn’t, because that’s not what she needs right now. But if they both agree, and for the ex-rival-now-friend, sex can be comforting, your permission can be the greatest of gifts.
(Translation by Matteo Colombo)
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