07 July 2021 16:10
Warning. The language of this column is direct and explicit.
The first Thursday of each month I organize the sack lunch (packed lunch), an online appointment reserved for magnum subscribers of the Savage lovecast. I collect questions, invite listeners to answer together, and we have a lot of fun. This week the column is dedicated to some of the questions left open during this month’s Savage lovecast sack lunch.
My son is straight, cute, smart, 25, and friends. No one has ever kissed him. I suspect he’s terrified, but I can’t talk to him about it. Is it better that your father do it? Should you go to a sex professional? Does it risk undermining his self-confidence?
Your child has friends and that’s a good sign. Not only does it mean that she knows how to relate to others, Mom, but also that there are people in her life with whom she can confide in her sex life and ask for advice. You can and should ask him if there is anything he would like to talk about – to keep the channels of communication open – but it is perfectly possible that your child does not care about sex (he could be asexual) or that he has a love and / or sexual life of with mum and dad, for valid reasons, he does not want to talk, for example because he likes to be a slave dressed in rubber, or because he pulls him only while wearing a plush costume, or because he has a polyamorous threesome relationship that he is not ready to talk to you. If he’s happy, let him.
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Is there a sure way to enlarge the clitoris?
Look, I’ll google it for you. Toh, there is even a Wikipedia entry, as I suspected, which lists three ways to enlarge the clitoris: testosterone creams (to be applied directly on the clitoris); testosterone supplements (to be injected); and the so-called clitoral pumps, which are then suckers. Testosterone injections are the most effective – as any trans man can tell you – but they can have other unsolicited “masculinizing” effects. Clitoral pumps, such as those for the penis, can temporarily enlarge the clitoris, but excessive or too vigorous use – on a cock as well as on a clitoris – can damage erectile tissues.
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I know what demisexuality is – the idea that some are unable to establish a sexual bond except in the presence of emotional or sentimental involvement – but do we want to talk about the opposite phenomenon? I I lose interest for people who get to know me, and the sexual desire soon turns into just being acquaintances.
Not only is there a term to define people like you, who when they know a person stop wanting him, but also a flag of pride, because those are never enough: in English the term is fraysexual O ignotasexual, which can be translated as “strangerosexual” or “ignotoxual” (but also reads “fraysexual”), explains Lgbta.wikia.org. I indicates “the orientation, in the spectrum of asexuality, of those who feel sexual attraction only for people with whom they do not have a deep connection, and lose it as they know them”. The colors of your pride are blue, cyan, white and gray (there are so many flags of pride now, and new ones are popping up at such speed, that for a moment I thought they had created an online Pride flag generator. reason: myflag.lgbt.)
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What would you say to a person who was in a poly relationship and as a third party got her heart broken?
Then it passes.
Illustration by Francesca Ghermandi
My husband (gay, 29) has continually accused me of cheating on him and the like since we’ve been together, which is six years. It wasn’t like that at first, but it got worse over time. Now the resentment I feel towards him is such that it is destroying the relationship. I feel like a prisoner as a couple. He wanted to track my phone to prevent me from making “unapproved” moves, and if I don’t tell him everything I do he gets angry. The intimacy with him now repels me. I don’t even want to touch it. We go to a couples therapist, but it’s not eliminating the resentment. How can I overcome it? Or do I do what my brain tells me and ask for a divorce?
Ask for a divorce and stop – not only will you do yourself a favor, but you will probably do it for your future ex too. Because the pain of being left is the only incentive that can make a jealous and bossy dickhead like your husband get help.
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What does it mean, in practice, to be “in good condition”? I have problems with depression (diagnosed a year and a half ago) and still don’t understand much about it. Not even being able to tell a potential partner what kind of chaos to expect from me, since I don’t know myself, I don’t feel in a position to make new acquaintances. Friends say I judge myself too harshly. What do you think about it?
I don’t understand much of everything either. I have my difficulties and I carry my very personal chaos with me wherever I go, in bed, in the evenings of sex, and so on. But I like to think I’m in good condition, or good enough. I know it looks like a dog chasing its own tail, but one of the ways I understand that I am in a position to carry on a relationship is by having a relationship that one way or another I manage to carry on. If someone decides to stay with you – being able to choose whether or not to do so – it means that they think you are in good condition. It is a yes that you can and must accept, but that you will never get if you don’t allow yourself to meet people. Sooner or later you will have to take the risk – probably more than once – of finding out whether or not you are in good condition. I think it’s a good sign that your friends – who love you and know you – think you’re in a position to put yourself out there and try (I realize that the ability to carry on a relationship is not, in itself, proof. that a person is in good condition.There are toxic, violent, codependent relationships and so on. Leaving a sick relationship, keeping a healthy one: in both cases, it can be proof that you are in good condition).
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Long Distance Relationships: How do you choose between moving overseas, to another country, uprooting your life for a relationship, and staying close to friends, relatives and family things? I moved to the UK before the pandemic started, and I try not to blame the report for having spent a year of shit, not being able to leave the house or make friends in a new country. I moved because we had been together for a year. I miss home, my friends, I have lost my father and I am terrified that the relationship will fail after we start a family. At that point I would find myself stuck in this country to be close to the children. Yes, I’m in therapy. But I guess I need one _Savage shower of reality __._
I’m very sorry for your father. I would advise you to take a deep breath – dozens of times a day – and take another year. Once you are able to find work and make friends, you will see things more clearly. If between you it will still go well and you will feel more at home, perfect. Stay there. But if you are still feeling miserable and full of doubts, well, it will be a good idea to end the relationship and go home. In the meantime I would suggest continuing with therapy, remembering to use the most effective birth control method available, which the English health service offers for free (and not to discourage or influence you, but to eliminate the risk of a relationship ending or breaking down after starting a family. , or if for this reason even earlier, it is impossible).
(Translation by Matteo Colombo)
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