Why do women like to criticize other mothers? Insecurity must be seen behind the hate, say the authors of the book Protivné sprosté matky

Czech Television dramaturg Kateřina Krobová left for kindergarten as “young and hopeful”. After six years, she returned as “a lady with children who has to start from scratch.”

“Returning after parental leave is a critical moment during which women and entire families go through major changes and it can have a negative impact on mental health. It’s not like you look around one month and work the next,” says Krobová, adding that it took her two years to feel useful again.

Upon her return, Krobová found on her desk a project by the creative producer and director Lucie Macháčková, who was then deciding whether to be a mother or not. The show was supposed to be called Nasty Nasty Mothers. Macháčková finally became a mother, but she did not go to maternity. “On the one hand people applaud you for how good you are, but on the other hand they judge you and say your child is poor,” she describes her experience. According to her, parenthood and returning to work is a topic that worries many mothers, but is not talked about much.

Lucie Macháčková and Kateřina Krobová they already have 22 episodes of the show Protivné prošte matky, where they deal with various topics – from births, to abortions and acceptance of one’s own body, to what to do if a mother falls in love. In the past few days, they also published a book of the same name.

In the interview, we also talk about:

• how they started to deal with taboo topics related to motherhood,
• why is returning to work from maternity leave so complicated and can something be done about it,
• how instructions for a happy childhood create insecurity in women and undermine their position as mothers,
• why there is so much hate among mothers and why they criticize each other,
• what their new book is about.

On Nasty Mothers, you discussed topics related to motherhood that are still somewhat taboo, and that often make mothers feel like failures or incompetent. Things that we feel pressured by society to do and then really can feel like obnoxious, mean mothers. Did you feel that way when you came up with the idea for the show?

LM: When I tried to promote the idea in Czech Television, I was not yet a mother. However, I was already in my thirties and I was thinking about what to do with life and whether to be a mother or not. I had a certain idea about motherhood and thought that I would have to decide whether to have a career, hobbies and travel, or to be a mother. I had a feeling that it was either – or. The show is a kind of audiovisual reflection of my hesitation. There we processed the stories of many women who decided to set up motherhood in different ways. Thanks to the show, I realized that motherhood is not just black or white, but has many shades.

KK: The project was also very personal for me. I found it on my desk when I returned to work after six years on maternity leave. Although I wasn’t just in the parental bubble all that time and kept in touch with the television, I returned to a completely different world. I was in my forties and had to find my place under the sun from scratch. I was therefore excited about the project and Lucia and I started working on it.

Lucie, how did you finally decide? To be a mother or not?

LM: I became a mother while filming the show. My daughter is now a year and three quarters old. I didn’t go to kindergarten, but I’ve been working since the beginning. As I say, I found out that it’s not black and white and I managed to set it up so that I could be a mom, but also work, film, publish a book and do stand-up.

So it can be done and one does not have to give up one’s life.

KK: I would add my opinion. In my opinion, it cannot be done completely, because we always sacrifice something. Each of us is looking for a model that is most acceptable to us, but it will change over time, because motherhood also changes and something constantly surprises us. It helped me when I realized after returning from maternity leave that you always have to sacrifice something and you can’t have everything. I don’t have to chase perfection because we don’t have to be perfectly happy with what we have at every stage of life and parenting.

Kateřina, you were on parental leave for six years and returning was difficult. It certainly bothers many women. How to be with children for six years and then return to work as if nothing had happened? Can it be mentally managed?

KK: It’s a really controversial and powerful topic, but you won’t find a right solution to it. For five years out of the six, I was in contact with colleagues and worked on a few projects, and even so, it took me two years after starting work,