He asks you for BDSM practices but you don’t even remember the tax code by heart? They always hit on you and every time you don’t know whether to tell your boyfriend, why isn’t our envy enough for you? Want that mountain bear partner of yours to shave but don’t want to body sham? It’s time to consult the 36th episode of B1NARY: Saturday’s heart mail that arrives on time to ruin your weekend.
LOOKING FOR LOVE ADVICE? WRITE TO B1NARY… IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANYONE ELSE EH
50 shades of tweezers
I am writing to you because I am afraid of being a bit bigoted. I met this beautiful guy on Tinder, I went to his house and we started doing things .. in short, I was there until he showed me his collection of tweezers (then I saw on the Internet that they are strange erotic toys ). He explained to me that he can’t have an orgasm if I don’t squeeze his nipples. I didn’t feel like it, I went home because – as I said – I don’t like certain things, but he keeps writing to me and says I shouldn’t take it like this, that I’m exaggerating and in any case he can give up certain things. I would like to give him a second chance but I don’t know, I don’t like certain things and I get bad ideas. I’m weird?
Melania
personally we want to rehabilitate the perversions, a word that too often is used in a derogatory or denigrating way: we believe instead that perversions are sacred precisely because, like fantasies, they go beyond the concept of normality to make us land in unexplored territories, where with consensus and respect we can give up for a while of time to our social conventions to arrive at different roles and exceptional practices, which perhaps we would not even conceive when dressed.
For this, first of all you don’t have to focus on a single aspect: he’s not just his tweezers, just like we’re not just our vibrators, our cock rings and our whips (we speak from hearsay).
Individuals’ sexuality is complex and varied: we have different orientations, we appreciate different stimuli, we are sensitive to different practices and words. In short, there is nothing abnormal in what he likes. And there’s nothing abnormal about what you like, or don’t like. If you don’t feel comfortable with certain sexual practices, it’s essential to bring it up clearly and respectfully. Open communication is essential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
It goes without saying that the opposite is also right and proper, being open to listening and understanding preferences and desires. You may want to take some time to reflect on your fears and any bad ideas you may have about her preferences. If you decide to give him a second chance, you might try to deepen your mutual understanding and see if there’s room in your life for some tweezers, too.
We recommend: do not tighten too much! Or yes, but ask him first.
Offer
Bad Choices – Yas Games – L’Unico In Italiano
- The party game of uncomfortable questions
- Each player is dealt 6 cards, the aim of the game is to discard them all before the others
- To discard a card you have to choose who to ask the awkward question and hope that they answer yes
A share of privacy
But you… if someone tries, do you tell your boyfriend or girlfriend?
Because I never understand how to behave. If I tell him he’s jealous, if I don’t tell him he seems to be hiding things from him… uff
Sam
if we had to tell our partners all the times someone has been hitting on us, well, ours would be very poor conversations, nobody lines up. But even if it were the other way around, perhaps we would ask ourselves about other issues.
Yours seems like a question where the answer doesn’t matter. Motives matter: Why do you want to tell him? Why do you want to hide it? Why is he jealous? Try to understand what is the reason that drives you, even the most hidden one: would you like to tell him because his jealousy reassures you? To remind him that you have other options? Or because you want to remind yourself? Or, again, do you not want to tell him because deep down you are afraid that you would like to? Perhaps finding the most honest reason could spark a fruitful and helpful dialogue that will grow both of you and your relationship.
Or this dialogue does not need to be completed: We personally are against having full and forced sharing with our partners, not so much for what we should tell, but for what we could know. Every person has the right to a certain amount of privacy. A small place to cultivate thoughts that no one has access to – a private space where we don’t have to answer to anyone: neither to our mother, nor to our analyst, nor to our partner. And therefore we do not see why you should not appropriate your own.
And above all, teach us how to pick up.
From today waxing! Or maybe not?
Hi b1nary!
I’ve been dating a guy for a few weeks that I really like. He’s cute, he’s kind, he’s funny, we’re good together. everything is ok but I would like to find a way to tell him that for me he should shave… in the sense, he has a very hairy chest and I don’t like it at all. how do i tell him? I tell him? What if he gets offended?
A.
we won’t bring up the double standard issue – what if he’s the one asking you to shave in certain areas? Or perhaps he already does, which would make the request easier.
Surely you can’t walk into a room, stare at him and say, “from today you will shave yourself”… No.
It’s not the right approach.
In life, however, everything can be said, politely and with the utmost respect for the freedom and rights of others. So no juxtapositions to primates. No comparisons with other men, whether they are exes, friends, models and similar. No subliminal and vaguely passive-aggressive messages like the waxing on the bedside table or the razor in the shower with the words “USE ME”.
Find an opportune moment to have a private and candid conversation with your boyfriend. It’s important to respect your partner’s personal choices about their physical appearance. Assure him that your intention is not to judge or criticize, but to open a conversation about the compatibility of your preferences. Explain to him that you wouldn’t mind experiencing a different version of him. Without forcing it. And without blackmail.
There’s always time for those. We know that you know that he knows. We understood each other.
By the way… have you already waxed for the big Saturday night appointments? Or shower, or shave, or eyebrows…or whatever you do before dating another human being 😀
And if you still don’t have an appointment, well… try writing to the most no-sense address book on the Internet! That would be us.
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