If you’ve seen your friend’s girlfriend on Tinder and you don’t know if she’s very brave, very stupid or just very careless. If your girlfriend forbids you from having a stag party but perhaps she has too Hollywood an idea of the matter – or perhaps you do. If you have fallen into the friendzone and don’t know how to get out, because there is nothing worse than unrequited love than a falsely disinterested friendship – then it’s time to consult the 53rd episode of B1NARY: heartfelt mail written by people who see an opportunity in every crisis – poor deluded people!
HEART PROBLEMS? WRITE TO B1NARY!
Mind your own business for a hundred years
Hello lads,
I need some advice. I saw my friend’s girlfriend on tinder and I don’t know what to do. Should I tell him? I ignore it? do I tell her?
Mauro
Dear Mauro,
there is an old saying that goes “couples are not allowed to enter unless strictly invited“. It’s a sort of “mind your own business and live for a hundred years” adapted to love life (and possible swinging) and, honestly, we very much agree on this saying.
Before deciding, however, it is good to ask yourself another question: did you sign up for Tinder recently or did your registration date back to the Middle Ages and has your profile remained active although unused?
Tinder profiles take on a life of their own, e.g in 90% of cases they remain in the ether much longer than the intentions with which we opened it. This is because deleting the app from your phone is not the same as deleting your profile. Saying it, however, could alter the balance of the couple and you probably don’t know all the mechanisms that make your friends’ couple work. They could also be an open couple, they could have an unspoken agreement or it could be an account that is now inactive.
Are you sure you want to jump in straight away?
Let us know!
Bachelor party
My girlfriend doesn’t want me to have a bachelor party. I obviously would like to do it. suggestions on how to behave?
But
Dear Ale,
your girlfriend probably imagines a bachelor party from Hollywood movies or naughty home movies (our cousin told us that) with alcohol, lap dancers and hard lemons, but the truth may be far from it. In fact, you could tell her what you plan to do for your stag party, which could also be one or more simple beers at the pub with friends or a trip abroad where you can drink beers at the pub with friends or rent a pub… well you understand .
Said this, there are few things that disturb our serenity and one of these is imposition.
“You can not”.
“You must not”.
This is not how a relationship is supposed to work.
It’s probably not the most reassuring thing to say to yourself before a wedding, but are you sure you’ve thought through your choice well? We are sure that yours has reasons but none of the ones that come to mind sound convincing to us.
If she’s jealous, you should reassure her and not give her a reason to be jealous.
If she’s jealous because she won’t be having a bachelorette party, it’s not fair to force the same on her.
If he’s worried you might do something unforgivable, there may be a trust issue that could lead to worse consequences than saying “no” to the bachelor party.
Before making any choice, therefore, we invite you to investigate the issue thoroughly, because battles of principle are battles lost from the start, and sentiment is very difficult to marry with ideology. Certainly, the solidity of a relationship cannot crumble in the face of the slightest suspicion, and what reassurances can a relationship capable of faltering due to the most banal and ritual act of joviality ever give?
And if you were really thinking of a stag party with alcohol, lap dancers and hard lemons, well… let’s wait for the invitation!
Welcome to the club!
I have an extreme crush on a good friend of mine but it’s not reciprocated.
I confessed it to him and he told me that he loves me but he only sees me as a friend and now I don’t know what to do because going out with everyone and seeing him all the time makes me feel bad. and then if one day he tries with someone else what will I do?
HELP
Vero
Dear Vero,
welcome to the club!
One of the very popular ones because everyone, once in their life, has had a crush on a friend who told us “thanks but no thanks”.
It is the famous, much hated “friendzone”.
That fortunately it is not a chronic or contagious disease but a temporary condition.
A condition that can be overcome with a little time, patience, effort and, probably, some liberating tears.
We forgot: you also need a choice.
Yours.
Because you have to decide whether to maintain the relationship and wait for it to pass despite knowing that closeness could make everything a little more difficult and painful or to distance yourself.
At this moment the task may seem insurmountable, but if we look at the past, many things that seemed impossible to us have become banal, many people who seemed indispensable to us have become inessential – nothing lasts forever, which is terrible but also reassuring.
In Alcoholics Anonymous meetings a saying is often proposed: fake it until you make it. That is: pretending nothing is happening is a forced act that in the long run becomes a natural dimension. We therefore advise you to adopt the same principle: force yourself to believe that this phase of discomfort is only a passing period, because one day we are convinced that it will become so.
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