Welcome to first B1NARY special!
Well yes, we have decided to introduce a small variation: once a month we will surprise you with an episode outside the box with an ironic tone, starting with this one with 5 Final Fantasy VII Rebirth characters to have a toxic relationship with.
But let’s not waste our time and dive straight into our short list.
HEART PROBLEMS? WRITE TO B1NARY!
Sephiroth
Too good and all too aware of being so.
Inexplicably you end up in bed, one evening when he has nothing better to do. Raised in the abundance of sexual availability, during intercourse he is distracted and commits the minimum wage. He’s almost doing you a favor. All the while he keeps looking at himself excessively in the mirror.
On Tinder he limits himself to collecting matches to which he doesn’t respond.
Cold features and magnetic gaze, an aura of charm and mystery generated by imperceptible and very expensive surgical adjustments, and the habitual consumption of opium. The only son of a family of real estate developers, he lives in a four-room apartment in the center but pretends to forget his ATM card to make you pay for dinner. He is an actor by trade but for now he has only traveled around the world. He knows four languages, all badly. He keeps talking about a beach house that he never invited you to.
He ghosts you for a month and then texts you to ask if you want to have a threesome.
He chases true love: the love for himself.
Tifa Lockhart
Forced graduate in motor sciences. Raised in the suburbs, she raises her hands at the first provocation. A model’s body with the sensitivity of a bouncer in the summer in Riccione.
He has two complaints for stalking.
He constantly posts selfies in the gym with his abs in focus and motivational phrases with a slightly fascist subtext.
He has a rickety van that he always parks in the third row, and he has never respected a traffic light in his life.
On the first date he invites you to go climbing. You end up in bed and after a quick examination of your muscle mass he imposes a strict diet based on proteins and anabolics.
Every time you try to kiss her her German Shepherd tries to bite you.
On Sunday morning she wakes you up at six to go running in the park, leaves you behind and you lose sight of her. You come home and find that he has blocked you. You won’t see her again.
Vincent Valentine
Emaciated and suffering beauty, you fall in love with it because you listen to grunge music and have read too much Dostoevsky.
He studied marketing but dreams of being a musician, even if for now he has only played Guitar Hero. He cultivates a thousand interests that hide an undiagnosed attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder.
He has a digital and full remote job, he invests and loses money with cryptocurrencies and online poker while staying comfortably in his pajamas, his outfit for four days.
Hikkikomori by vocation, if he has to cook a dish of pasta he asks Chat GPT for directions. A conspiracy theorist, he doesn’t trust what he reads in the newspapers, doesn’t believe in vaccines and eats exclusively junk food.
Unavailable before lunchtime because when he goes to sleep he doesn’t set the alarm. He seems more interested in Play than in you. He often cries in bed. He leaves you to focus on his new career as a cosplayer.
Aerith Gainsborough
Graduated in philosophy and psychology.
The only daughter of an ancient line of aristocrats, she is always right.
Aspiring influencer. Natural and spontaneous beauty that requires a very strict daily routine.
She invites you to see exhibitions, to go to concerts, to go trekking – just because she needs new content for Instagram, where she always appears enthusiastic and spontaneous, even when it takes thirty selfies. Otherwise she seems bored all the time.
Your mother loves it and your friends hate it.
Vegan, she created a line of therapeutic jewelery and has an immoderate passion for animals and plants, but she throws her butts on the ground and doesn’t sort the waste.
Obsessive-compulsive, she lives in a domestic sanctuary where every object is kept with obsessive care, with a purebred cat that mates with the pillows.
Ended up in bed one evening when he definitely overdid it on the anxiolytics. You fall in love with her because she is undoubtedly above your possibilities: you’re already in the friendzone, but you don’t know it yet.
Cloud Strife
Taciturn and surly, he treats you badly a couple of times and you immediately fall victim to his rough charm and toxic masculonity.
He works in a consultancy firm that organizes scams and pyramid schemes.
He suffers from insomnia and has a small criminal record for drug dealing.
He has a season ticket to the stadium.
He always calls you using a different phone number. On WhatsApp he responds in monosyllables and only uses the thumb emoticon. His profile photo on Facebook is a grainy motorcycle silhouetted against a sunset over the sea. He drives without a helmet and always carries a suspicious amount of cash. He always insists on paying for everything, but then throws it in your face. Compulsive masturbator, is subscribed to at least five OnlyFans profiles.
The love of his life is his mother, whose name he has tattooed on his calf.
And this was our first special experiment. Let us know what you think, if you want more, if you have other Final Fantasy characters to add or if you imagined these 5 differently!
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