«I remember the emotions well, fear among all; I remember that the mirror reflected an image of me that I didn’t know. I remember the look of others.” She was twenty years old when the tumor broke into her life as a university student in the science of fashion and costume, and the turning point that this experience brought to her life involves not only her. Ilaria Marocco, today image consultant and founder of the national association of professionals Assostyleimage But which already has around a hundred members throughout Italy, today he wants to do his part for all those who are experiencing those same difficulties.
Ilaria Morocco
«I felt the pity of others, but I didn’t know what to do with it. When, perhaps during the third cycle of chemotherapy, I showed up at the hospital wearing a wig, a miniskirt and choosing the right colours, the gaze of others has changed. I felt like I was a person again. This gave me great strength and it was then that I decided, after completing my degree, to become an image consultant, a path that at the time was yet to be invented.” But there’s more.
«Wanting to give something back to others, I told the Assostyleimage associates about my experience and how, in an almost causal way, it had worked for me and improved my quality of life. Thus, he was born”Despite everything“, a free consultancy initiative for women who have experienced cancer and treatment which is underway in some Italian hospitals to help them enhance their image with the use of colours, clothing, accessories, make up and skin care”. Last November, the pilot project started at the National Cancer Institute in Milan, including two meetings in which, in addition to the transmission of notions of color harmony and enhancement of one’s image through hair cutting or the use of the right accessories such as glasses, a dozen consultants personally followed the participants.
Carola Vignola
«Since then, I’ve kept mine palette in my purse” she jokes Carolina Vignola, Milanese, one of the participants in the “Iononostantetutto” project held at the Clinical Psychology of the Int. «At a certain point, being able to dedicate yourself to your appearance is liberating, it’s like lightening your thoughts and telling yourself that it’s time to think about something else». Almost like a turning point, after the long difficult months of chemotherapy, surgery and radiotherapy, and today immunotherapy.
«In recent months I have changed my appearance. I want to accept myself as I am » she tells us. During the treatments, she never stopped working. Her long hair has given way to a wig, but today it is kept short and no longer dyed «I present myself for who I am. Regardless of the external appearance, however, I will never be the same as before. I have a whole new set of experiences that have changed me and from which I want to draw something positive.” First of all, as he repeats to his children, Ilaria, 28 years old, and Alessandro, 26 years old, «don’t wait until you find yourself in difficult situations, as happened to me, to understand what is important in life. It is very possible to do this, and it should be done, first».
How come something often irrelevant in some phases of the disease can become so important for the restart? «Paying attention to your self-image is part of the healing process, which occurs at different times and in different ways for everyonebut it follows phases that we know well” he explains Claudia Borreani, responsible for Int. clinical psychologywhere the pilot project was proposed to some women selected among those followed by the service.
Claudia Borreani
In fact, everything in its own time and according to one’s needs: «Once the initial moment has passed, which absorbs all the patient’s physical and mental strengths, it may happen that a mental space opens up and the woman turns her gaze on herself. It is a physiological phase of the rehabilitation process and, in any case, feeling good in your own skin is a condition associated with greater self-esteem and self-confidence. Studies indicate that having a good relationship with oneself is important in achieving an internal balance in one’s daily life and is associated with a better quality of life” explains the psychologist, who points out that there is nothing prescriptive in the suggestions and advice tools provided during the consultancy: «There are those who experience a process of great internal psychological change, and concomitantly also ride the external change, and those who instead seek the reassuring dimension of before, everyone is different and there is no right or wrong». Finally, “the pilot project was also a moment of discussion between women who, despite having experienced the disease, were able to talk about something different among themselves and also together with the medical staff in a different context”.
The external appearance is always at the center of interpersonal relationships. When you feel bad, «we become very receptive to how others see uswe look for important signals, as if we were unconsciously trying to read the gaze and something in the faces of others that we might miss” he explains Carolina Vignola. «Others look at you and you look at yourself with their eyes. Our physical appearance, after all, is much commented on: from how well I finally see you a Now you can see you’re better to other statements that don’t always help us.”
Others look at you and you look at yourself with their eyes. When you feel bad, you become very receptive
Carolina Vignola
As for the experience I had at Int, «I recommend it because it was exciting, due to the relationship of complicity with the consultant and the feeling of feeling understood» concludes Vignola. It is in fact a profession, confirms Marocco, always recalling her own experience as a girl, «where empathy plays an important rolethe consultant does not impose styles or rules, but first of all listens to the other, listens to understand and without thinking about what to answer”.
Finally, completely Feelings of guilt are also normal of the patient who thinks, on the one hand, I should have taken care of that first and, on the other, why do I care about the color of the clothes? «The feelings of guilt concern everything that has been said and done, even one’s own behaviors possibly associated with the appearance of the tumor» says Claudia Borreani who reassures: «We all do what we think is right at the moment or that we don’t know how to do otherwise . Life is a process, it is evolution and we must look forward and not to the past».
Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash
The article Cancer, makeup (and hair) reveals your true self comes from Vita.it.