Toxic relationship: enemy in your own bed! Divorce lawyer says when separation is the only way out
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Saturday, April 27, 2024, 8:00 a.m
Toxic relationships can be physically and psychologically damaging, often without those affected immediately realizing it. Divorce lawyer Sandra Günther explains what constitutes a toxic relationship, how to recognize it and what legal action you can take against a toxic partner.
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What is meant by a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship is a relationship that harms you physically and/or psychologically. The process usually happens gradually. At the beginning of a relationship, these relationships are usually too good to be true. As the relationship progresses, devaluations, insults or physical attacks become the order of the day. Partly one-sided, partly reciprocal, depending on the relationship.
If a relationship is just hurting or the lows in a relationship are more extreme than the highs, the relationship should be examined. A toxic love makes you sick in the long run. When children live in such a problematic relationship, it also makes the children sick in the long run.
Children learn from models. But why should children learn productively when arguments, devaluations and insults are the order of the day? A toxic relationship is characterized by emotional dependence and even subservience. The toxic partner repeatedly withdraws his attention, his favor and his love from the other person. A ping-pong game that sometimes lasts several years.
About the guest author Sandra Günther
Sandra Günther has been a lawyer since 2007 and has specialized in the areas of family law and criminal law. She is also used as a TV legal expert and is co-author of the guide “When Love Becomes Toxic”. Ms. Günther has her office in Dortmund. In her podcast “Family Law with Heart and Mind” Ms. Günther addresses family law topics. Her second book “Intelligently Separated” will be published in autumn 2024.
No one emerges as a winner from such a relationship. Such relationships often end with violence protection orders. Some even end in death. To prevent this from happening, those affected should seek help in good time and tell friends or family.
How do you know if you are in a toxic relationship?
When those affected find themselves in a difficult relationship, the general rule is that they initially deny it. Unfortunately, this topic is still very shameful. Those affected who come to me in such cases often tell me that I am the first person they have told about the problematic situation at home in years.
Those affected must first open themselves up to recognizing reality. You have to stop denying. When they stop denying, they quickly realize that they are in a toxic relationship. Questions like:
“Are my needs being taken into account?” “Am I valued and seen by my partner?” or “Does my partner beat me?” are questions that those affected should ask themselves.
If you feel bad in a relationship, are devalued by the other person and are being psychologically and emotionally abused, it is time to leave. A toxic relationship usually won’t change. A toxic partner lives in his or her patterns and is usually unreasonable and unreflective. This makes it so difficult to deal with the situation as a whole.
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It is important for those affected to polish up their self-esteem and to become proud and autonomous again. Life is there to be lived, not to be destroyed mentally and physically.
What legal action can you take against a toxic partner?
If violence occurs in a relationship, it should not be tolerated. If the partner becomes physically aggressive, hits, kicks or chokes, the red line is far exceeded. Such attacks can end in death. I tell my clients this very clearly when I advise them.
Those affected can take the following steps if they experience violence from their partner: First, the police should be called. In the best case scenario, the partner will then be expelled from the apartment for 10 days. During these 10 days, a lawyer can then submit a so-called violence protection application coupled with an apartment allocation application. If successful, this means that the violent partner is no longer allowed to enter the property that was previously inhabited as a marriage. It is also important to see a doctor who will document the injuries sustained.
Book recommendation (advertisement)
“When love becomes toxic” by Sandra Günther.
Furthermore, contact with the violent partner should be broken off. This is important so that an application for protection against violence can be successful. The situation is more difficult when psychological violence is an issue. Then those affected are well advised to distance themselves from their partner and seek additional therapeutic help. You can manage to free yourself from an abusive relationship. Every path starts with the first step.
How can a lawyer help you break up with a toxic partner?
For me as a lawyer, it is important to meet those affected emotionally where they are at the moment. People who want to free themselves from a toxic relationship need a lot of encouragement, strength and time. They have often suffered from their partner for many years and are often still in a dependent relationship. This also means financial dependence, but even more so emotional dependence.
Those affected must be guided through the separation process step by step. As a lawyer in separation situations, you are always a bit of a “therapist.” It is important not to put those affected under pressure and to explain the legal options to them in detail. Many affected people are well advised to seek therapeutic help It’s never wrong if those affected distract themselves and are guided back to having fun in their lives.
I give those affected hope, namely hope for a beautiful, better life after the separation process. In very difficult and dangerous cases, it is also important that those affected have an emergency number that they can call in the worst case scenario, if life or limb is in danger, so that help is available.
This text comes from an expert from the FOCUS online EXPERTS Circle. Our experts have a high level of specialist knowledge in their subject area and are not part of the editorial team. Learn more.