According to a Playboy survey, more than one in four women (26 percent) and almost one in four men (23.9 percent) in Germany admit to infidelity in their relationship. There may be various reasons. Do genes also play a role?
Yes, according to social psychologist Madeleine A. Fugère. She writes of a “surprisingly strong connection between genetics and infidelity.” In her article on “ Psychology Today ” the professor refers to three studies.
Why twin studies are so meaningful
“When researchers study whether behaviors are genetically determined, they often study individuals with different degrees of genetic relatedness, such as identical and fraternal twins,” explains Fugère. Because they not only share genes, but usually also their family and social environment. The so-called concordance rates are then crucial in the investigations. “Concordance rates are defined as the ‘agreement’ between the twins’ behavior. “If both twins are faithful to their spouses or both are unfaithful, these twin pairs show concordance,” says the social psychologist.
Identical twins share 100 percent of their genes, while dizygotic twins and non-twin siblings only share 50 percent. The thesis: “If identical twins have a higher concordance rate for traits or behaviors than dizygotic twins, this is an indication that these traits or behaviors are genetically influenced.”
“Surprisingly strong connection between genetics and infidelity”
As one of the first studies on the topic, researchers carried out a twin study in 2004. For this purpose, more than 1,600 pairs of female twins were anonymously surveyed about infidelity, number of sexual partners and attitudes towards infidelity.
And indeed: In the study, the concordance rates for identical twins (46 percent) were significantly higher than for dizygotic twins (32 percent). This suggests that identical twins are about one and a half times more likely to be unfaithful if their twin was unfaithful than fraternal twins. Taking into account factors such as number of sexual partners and age, the authors estimated that 41 percent of infidelity in this sample was due to genetic factors. The social and family environment, however, had no influence.
A similar study was carried out in 2015 with more than 7,000 Finnish twins. In this sample, concordance rates were also higher for monozygotic twins than for dizygotic twins. This is also an indication of a genetic contribution to infidelity. The scientists estimated that 63 percent of possible infidelity for men and 40 percent of women can be attributed to genetic factors.
So is there a “cheating gene”? No, emphasize researchers
Neither study was able to find out which specific genes play a role. However, a study from 2010 may provide a clue. Researchers found that in unrelated students, a variation in the dopamine D4 receptor gene was associated with a higher likelihood of a one-night stand and a higher likelihood of infidelity with a long-term partner in both men and women .
However, scientists warn that genetic associations with infidelity should not be viewed as evidence of a “cheating gene.”
The reason for the genetic component may lie in evolutionary history
The conclusion: “The above research results indicate that infidelity has a strong genetic link,” says Fugère. All of the researchers cited above would assume that infidelity has a genetic basis. The reason: “It has been advantageous in our evolutionary history to seek changing partners in order to increase the number of offspring (especially in men), to create diverse genetics for the offspring, or to gain access to additional resources for the offspring. “
However, genes should not be seen as an excuse for infidelity. “Although these studies suggest a strong genetic basis for unfaithful behavior, they do not allow us to conclude that our behavior is completely determined by our genes,” emphasizes the social psychologist.
Infidelity: 4 steps are essential for real healing
But what happens if I was cheated on by my partner? Or was you unfaithful yourself but really wants to save the relationship? According to Fugère, four phases are essential for true healing.
She cites a 2023 study that surveyed couples who said they experienced “meaningful healing” or even “growth in their relationship” after an affair. After discussions with the couples, the researchers developed a step model for the healing process, which consists of four phases:
1st phase: Discovery or revelation – how infidelity should come to light
In the first phase, the researchers differentiated between discovering infidelity and confessing. When confessing, those cheated on reported slightly less intense feelings of betrayal, anger, and pain because their partner was honest and apologized.
Conclusion: For true healing, it is better to confess the infidelity and show remorse.
2nd phase: Assessing the damage, open discussions – these should be the first reactions
Negative emotions after learning about a scam are normal. Most participants reported feelings of pain, betrayal, anger, sadness and loss of trust. The study authors note that for some, understanding the details of infidelity may be crucial to deciding whether they can continue the relationship. Open and honest conversations about what led to infidelity and the emotional impact of infidelity could facilitate future healing.
Conclusion: The second phase is about acknowledging the damage to the relationship and, for couples who choose to stay together, reaffirming their commitment to each other and their relationship.
3rd phase: Stabilize the relationship – this is how trust and intimacy can be rebuilt
The couples reported making conscious efforts to reconnect and strengthen their relationships. Some couples went on dates like they did at the beginning of their relationship. In addition, some also checked whether the renegade partner had changed their behavior, for example by checking their cell phone. The couples reported that trust increased over time and many were able to forgive their partners for infidelity.
Conclusion: In the third phase, it is important to prioritize the relationship and spend more time together. The goal is to restore trust and intimacy.
4th phase: Forgiveness as an essential step, also for revitalizing the relationship
According to the couples, forgiveness was also essential to the healing process. “A continuous decision to give the unfaithful partner a second chance instead of defining him or her through infidelity,” say the researchers. Forgiveness helped faithful partners let go of their feelings of resentment and anger. The unfaithful partners may also have to forgive themselves.
However, couples also reported that rebuilding trust was the most difficult part of the healing process. Many said that although confidence increased over time, they still had to continue working on it years later.
Conclusion: In the fourth phase, the focus is on deepening the emotional relationship, forgiving and strengthening trust.