Status: 03/14/2023 3:47 p.m
Being alone is often equated with loneliness and has negative connotations. Many people make a conscious decision to live alone – and thus lead a self-determined life.
Never before have so many people lived alone as they do today. There are more and more single households, especially in the big cities. According to the Federal Agency for Civic Education, in 1970 only every fourth household (25.1 percent) was a single household. Today it is already around 42 percent, and the trend is rising. Many people choose this way of life out of conviction.
The reasons are varied. Everyday life is often determined by stress, appointments and discussions. Exhaustion and tiredness spread. So it can be nice not having to talk at home. Relationships can get boring when you see each other every day. Nature and the environment become much clearer and clearer when viewed alone. After all, many people feel free to live alone.
Time for yourself, rest and independence
The 31-year-old Michelle, for example, lived with friends in a three-person flat share and moved into her own apartment because she lacked time for herself and also lacked peace and quiet. The circle of friends was large, there was always a lot going on – too much, says the Hamburg native in retrospect. On trips she made alone, she found that being alone is good for her: “I could choose when I wanted to be alone and when not.” She can do things alone without having to discuss them first. You can decide something and change your mind at the same time, just as you want. “I don’t have to compromise or ask anyone. I’m independent.”
More quality in relationships
In the end, Michelle felt that living together in the flat share was just living side by side. Everyone came home at some point, sat on the couch and watched something on TV or on their cell phone. In addition, Michelle was increasingly dissatisfied with the household and resented the roommates, which also affected the friendship. Today the friends don’t see each other as often as they did when they shared a flat, but their friendship has a better quality.
NDR survey: A quarter can imagine life without a partner
Many people feel the need to have time for themselves and are looking for rest and relaxation.
In a current In an NDR survey on the subject of loneliness, 26 percent stated that they did not need a partner relationship for a fulfilling life. This is the result of the NDR platform #NDRfrage, in which 11,000 people from northern Germany took part. They gave reasons such as: “I simply enjoy my freedom, my time to myself” or “There is a lid for every pot, but I’m a wok – I need a lot of freedom and time for myself. My style doesn’t get along with me the concept of a relationship”.
Listen to your own needs
35-year-old Isabell from Mecklenburg-Western Pomerania realized very early on that she needed a space to retreat to. Already in the crèche she withdrew and liked to be alone. For a long time she tried to adapt. Later, when she began having panic attacks, she began to pay attention to her desires. “At some point I realized that it was good for me to listen to my needs and take time for myself, read a book or be with animals and in nature, exercise, do sports.”
Find peace in nature
Many people find peace and relaxation when they are alone in nature.
The 29-year-old Marcel from Hanover also lived in a flat share and made a conscious decision to live alone now. Like many other people, he finds peace and relaxation in nature and is completely with himself. “I found a small, totally wild path and then I thought to myself: The more often you walk a path, the stronger it becomes. And that’s how I thought: What are the paths that I would like to tread and manifest in my life ? And which are the ones that can remain wild, where I can move more into the thicket and into the unknown?”
Have something just for yourself
Marcel plays bass in a metal band. As much as he appreciates the group, he likes to play alone. “It was always important to me that I also have things at home where I can surpass myself a little, motivate and challenge myself and also do things that maybe nobody will ever hear. It’s nice to also have something that I can keep to myself.”
Having time to himself is also important to him because he works as an educator and has a lot of hustle and bustle around him all day long. He then enjoys withdrawing and not having to listen.
Healthy self-care with new life concepts
People who demand their space are often seen as selfish. Sarah Diehl has written a book on the subject, The Freedom to Be Alone: An Encouragement. She wants to make it clear that being alone or looking for one’s own way of life does not have to be in conflict with community. Many people would seek community, but not in the templates and concepts that were shown to them, such as in the classic family model of father, mother, child. In addition, it depends on the right dose of solitude and community, which should correspond to one’s own needs.
For her, taking space just for herself is an “act of self-love” for her healthy self-care: “I’m enough for myself and I try to shape my life according to my wishes and to feel complete with myself. I don’t always need in Outside my identity, to seek my worth.”
Isolation in families and partnerships
Family is not always a haven for love and community. An important and neglected topic for Diehl is how lonely one can be in families and partnerships. This is especially true for women because they are consumed by the needs of family members, husband and children. They lose themselves in this family work and have little freedom for themselves, for example to promote other groups of friends.
try being alone
Diehl advises trying to be alone and trying to draw strength from it. For starters, she recommends going to a museum or concert where you can blend in with the crowd but enjoy it alone. This can be a way to learn the qualities of being alone without discomfort.
If you don’t live alone, you can still spend time alone, for example traveling alone, sitting in a café, reading a book or walking for hours and enjoying nature. It is important to really make it a point, otherwise the time for yourself in everyday life will get lost.
rethink community
One of Diehl’s visions is to rethink community. For her, taking the role of woman or mother as an example, this means “that it is not always just the woman who has to give herself selflessly to maintain community, to provide the social glue of society and to take care of everything.” Instead of the classic nuclear family, she sees larger communities of responsibility as an advantage. Here more people can take care of each other, share tasks and thus give the individual a little more freedom for themselves and for being alone voluntarily, according to the author.
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