Sperm donor Dietrich could be a father to thousands – now he has an appeal

90

FOCUS online: At a young age you were anonymously active as a sperm donor in a gynecological practice. Now you are appealing to other donors to open up and register in a database. What drives you?

Dietrich Klein: The plight of the donor children. I am in contact with many, experience their often desperate searches, the struggle for identity, the many tormenting questions. Donors should come out of cover, for their children and also for themselves. You have something to do with each other, I always say, there is resonance. You can suppress it, but from my own experience I can say that it only works to a limited extent.

Tell me, when did doubts arise?

Klein: To be honest: I had my first critical instinct very early on, maybe even with the first donation – at the age of 20. But something really broke out in me when a good friend from back then asked me about my donation activity after 30 years. She wanted to know what had become of it, whether there were any children. I was electrified.

And I wondered why I had buried this thought in my unconscious for so long. Driven by a certain curiosity, I started researching on the internet. I came across reports and very emotional videos from donor children. Some of it literally got under my skin. As a father of three children raised with my wife, I know the depth of the bond between parents and children. You’re deluding yourself if you pretend that it could only be something material, genetic.

But back when you donated, that’s how you saw it, right?

Klein: All in all, that was little reflected. I had just finished high school and was about to do community service. The attitude to life was excitement and certainly also the attraction of experiencing something crazy and mysterious. Stories circulated in our clique that it was very easy to make money. A friend had seen a gynecologist’s search for sperm donors as a notice. That’s how it all started.

No concerns when you were then in practice?

Klein: It all happened very quickly. I was quickly ushered into the executive office, the doctor was facing me and seemed more like a creative artist than a strict doctor. He resembled my father, which gave me confidence. I was courted, which made me feel like I was doing something important and good.

Was there no registration procedure, any checks?

Klein: A blood test, a spermiogram, that was it. I’ve donated for five years, an estimated 70 times. Later I found out that one donation can result in up to 100 children…

Does that mean you could be a father of a thousand?

Klein: In the US there is actually something like that. A big problem, not least because of the increased risk of siblings getting to know each other unknowingly and having children together themselves. In Germany in the 1980s and 1990s, the gynecological practice with which I worked, as the doctor later reported to me, used each donation only once and the rate of a successful pregnancy was around 25 percent.

Therefore, in my case, I realistically do not expect more than 20 donor children. But also and especially the psychological aspect weighs heavily. As I said: there are so many souls who are searching. I could feel them later, they keep popping up in my imagination. I remember well that back then, during my studies, there was always this inner voice that warned me not to overdo it. And at some point I actually had this feeling: enough is enough. I find it interesting that there is obviously such a critical authority inside. I also often speak of a spell of anonymity that has had an effect on me for many years and from which I have freed myself today.

How did you feel after your friend had catapulted the past into the now with her questions?

Klein: I was afraid of being overwhelmed by it…

… also legally? Because descendants might come with claims?

Klein: That too, but that was unfounded. You have to differentiate here: From a purely formal point of view, sperm donors who donated with the sperm donor register before the legal regulation a few years ago have no legal security. In order to get into trouble here, however, a donor child would have to deny paternity to its legal father, with all the consequences. And then the child would have to sue the donor for paternity, with all the responsibilities also for the then new father, for example when he gets older and possibly in need.

I am not aware of any case where this would have happened. From my experience, donor children are only interested in knowing the person who is called the biological father. The fear of legal consequences with which some sperm donors contact me today is unnecessary…

…apropos: how is it that these men get in touch with you?

Klein: Usually because they were found by donor children. In some cases, the courts are pushing for relevant data to be released. I am listed as a contact person at the “Spenderkinder” association, and I get a call like this every few months. First of all, it’s not about the personal level, the connection to the child. Are claims due? Do I have to split my inheritance? That’s what drives these men first.

Again: At this point I can reassure you. Getting to know a biological child of myself, in adulthood, was more of an enrichment than a threat. It was the same for my family, by the way.

So you met one of your children? Do tell.

Klein: Yes, I turned to an American database. It’s a bit like the Facebook of genes: you send some saliva and oral mucosa in a small test tube to the USA by mail. Shortly thereafter, I received an email listing around 1,000 relatives. All third and fourth cousins. I was now in contact with Anja, one of the donor children from the TV report that I had seen. And she was, as it now turned out, no match.

That was disturbing for both of us, because that’s exactly what we had almost assumed. We noticed some similarities, like a mole in a similar place. The time leading up to clarification was exciting. I got an idea of ​​what these children are going through.

Did you secretly wish Anja was your daughter?

Klein: Hard to say. Above all, I probably wished that this tension would ease. All at once I became aware of the dimension of my actions at that time. I felt many new feelings such as shame, sadness, but also feelings of guilt towards the children that I had practically abandoned. I couldn’t leave it like that, I wanted to dissolve it.

How did you then deal with these feelings?

Klein: I think my commitment to the “Spenderkinder” association helped me. The many conversations with those affected, on both sides. And I have also accompanied meetings between donor children and their fathers. I try to convey my perspective to the donor children and encourage them – in my experience, many of them are shy, almost submissive in their demeanour. As if what they are doing is not appropriate.

Complete nonsense! And whether that’s appropriate. After all, these people are the only ones who weren’t asked. All other actors in the process made a conscious decision: the social parents who wanted to start a family. The doctor who wanted to make money. The donor, who also received money and, in one case or another, perhaps additional satisfaction.

To what extent the latter?

Klein: I’ve met men who flirted with the idea of ​​having many children. According to the motto: There can be more of me. Not that that’s a general pattern. The donors I have met are very different. Only one thing is always the same: the Gelackmeierte, these are the donor children in the end. I got a deep insight into Britta, my daughter, whom I found through the database in 2019.

Did it stick to that one hit?

Klein: To this day yes. It surprises me that so little has happened in the seven years since my genes have been stored in the US. Of course, something can still be done at any time.

Is Britta similar to you?

Klein: It’s really incredible with her. I saw a picture of her and thought: just like my mother, when she was young. The contact was quick and emotional. Like me, Britta lives in Munich, we met her boyfriend, my wife and our sons just one day after the match. As we approached each other and hugged, there was a magical vibe in the air. I will never forget this moment. But of course there were also many questions. Would we like each other? Could a deeper connection develop from this?

And?

Klein: What can I say. A good four years have passed since then and we have grown very close to an extended family. There were some ups and downs. Also disputes. Just like in a normal family. We are similar in nature. Amazingly similar. Just yesterday again: Britta took me to a singing bowl meditation. You have such a bond, you swing so beautifully with each other, said the director. We had to laugh. Of course we vibrate, we are connected.

We’re not just like father and daughter, we’re father and daughter. Is not that incredible? That’s how I say it to the donors who get in touch with me. There are these children, you didn’t raise them, you didn’t do anything for them and yet they come. For me it’s a gift. However, the relationship between Britta and I is a special situation…

How come?

Klein: Her social father left the family when Britta was four years old. She basically grew up without a father and after 30 years I was able to at least partially fill this gap, which was painful in two senses of the word. So social fathers don’t have to worry about losing the children they lovingly raised to the donor later on.

All in all, you don’t sound like you regret the sperm donation.

Klein: No, I will not do that. But the secrecy and how it all went down hurts. It is fatal to conceal a sperm donation. It would be better to deal openly with the child. From the beginning.

The current legal situation helps the donor children here, right?

Klein: Yes, the procedure is much more regulated today than it was for me back then. Today every donor has to be registered. There is a federal database for this. Donor children now have a legal right to know their origins. When they are 16 they can ask who the father is.

It was the donor children themselves who complained. The sperm donor register has existed in Germany since July 2018 and also ensures legal certainty for donors: they may not be prosecuted for any claims. The only thing that can happen to him is that after 16 years he gets a call…

Has the suffering of the donor children been reduced overall with the new law?

Klein: How you take it. All these regulations apply to the old donors, which also guarantee the donor children a right to know the origin. However, you can duck further because of the anonymity maintained by most insemination doctors. But I’m sure: Many feel the same as I did back then. Something is rumbling inside. So I can only appeal to these people: dare to come out of cover.

Do it for your children.

And for you.