BRESCIA – The Afzal family is a house that is built day after day, with care, delicacy, respect and love. “But only thanks to a dialectic, which we have always put at the center. With a lot of patience, my sister and I managed to conquer our spaces, a little at a time”. Speaking is Noman Afzal, 21, in Italy since he was six. Today he goes to university and is the eldest. After him three sisters: Hira 17, Saba 16, Aneeqa 9. A large family that of the Afzal, like the many Pakistani families who live in Italy and who are faced with challenges and important choices that intercultural contamination and integration in a new and different country obviously leads them to get involved.
To observe them closely, listening to them carefully, there is all the strength of a sociological and historical process in progress where some values collide with others, they are modeled. But, sometimes, unfortunately, you risk losing them. It happens when news stories happen like that of Saman Abbas whose family members are accused of killing her. So here we are: traveling alongside us there is also a world in evolution and transformation like the one inside a small apartment in a street not far from the center of Brescia, where the words in Urdu and Italian, with a marked Brescia accent, mix , they overlap in and out to explain, translate and make themselves understood.
“What happened to Saman is a crime, pure horror”, explains Noman’s father, Muhammad, who has been in Italy for 21 years, now with his wife Zakia thanks to family reunification. “Unfortunately, some people from rural areas of Pakistan, out of culture and ignorance, behave in this way, but they risk overwhelming all of us who have made so many sacrifices to live here, work and raise our children. We have traveled, we are here to to improve ourselves and not to make us recede into ignorance. All our efforts are directed towards getting our children to study “.
Afzal people don’t go to Pakistan often because now their life is here, in Brescia and in Italy. But later, once they retire, do they have any plans to return to live in Pakistan? Muhammad and Zakia are categorical: “Absolutely not. Our life is close to our children and they are growing and forming in Italy”. Noman explains: “Respect for parents for Pakistani culture is a founding pillar, and everything revolves around the family and its balance”. “The goal – adds his sister Hira – is to work as best as possible so that the family, with all its dynamics, can still move together in the choices and expectations of the future, but nothing can turn into violence towards children. This unity of the family that we Pakistanis have is little understood here, but it is important to understand it. We are educated from an early age on the importance of the family and we are very aware of it “.
It is truly amazing how these two brothers, the eldest sons of the Afsal, still manage to find a compromise by traveling on two fronts. Noman explains: “It is true that as a community we are closed, but because at the bottom there is a feeling of fear towards what is a Western value system that is more individualistic than ours, more communitarian. With my parents, for example, some year ago I had to discuss, and not a little, to be able to go out with Italian friends and sometimes be late. Theirs becomes a physical fear that we feel on us too. So let’s try to mitigate it, reassuring them “. And Hira adds: “My mother is very protective of me because I am a woman. She is afraid of bad company, but also of the context of crime and drugs. She is obsessed with drugs.”
Noman speaks precisely of this, of the community aspect: “It is the one that measures your reputation and which, consequently, plays a considerable role of control”. In short, a small community, the Pakistani one, within a larger one, which defines small and large trajectories. Arranged marriages are one of them. “We marry within the ethnic and religious community, the so-called arranged marriage is part of our culture – explains Noman very calmly -. And it has nothing to do with the forced one. An initiative like that of marriage is never individual,” but shared with one’s family “. The father nods satisfied with the explanation his son has given. “The choice of the future husband can also be indicated by us – underlines Hira – Then he is presented to the parents who will have to give consent”.
Noman points out: “When that time comes, I think we will consult because my future wife will not only live with me, but also with my parents. In our culture, in fact, parents are always with their son. That’s why it’s important. that in this choice there is agreement and union “. But if someone were to fall in love with a non-Pakistani partner, what would happen? It seems that no one in the Afzal family has ever thought about it. Hira first glances at her parents, then says honestly: “It’s a matter we haven’t touched yet. But I know it’s very difficult and we will need great care.” Noman dismisses the subject as a borderline for them. When they are touched by this eventuality, they will surely always face it as a family. But, to make such a choice, the Afzal’s eldest son admits: “I would have to be a very independent, confident and strong man for my parents to trust me in such an important choice.” Mohammad and Zakia listen and sigh silently. They are more than aware that there are still many challenges and compromises that await them. Especially when they look at the last two underage daughters, Saba and Aneeqa, born in Italy and not in Pakistan.
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