Annamaria Bernardini de Pace«My joie de vivre was born immediately after me. She is my most faithful companion. I seek and find the beauty in things. I am very optimistic and capable of having fun and entertaining others. I like to smile, I like to see smiles». Annamaria Bernardini de Pacethe most famous marriage lawyer in Italy, is preparing to fulfill 75 years old next April 23rd. An important milestone, but not an opportunity to take stock of one’s life, rather a stage from which to start again to think positively about the future.
How do you feed your joie de vivre on a daily basis?
«A large part of my joie de vivre comes from my ability to cook. I have been cooking since I was six years old. My best friends are chefs, from Davide Oldani to Filippo La Mantia up to Carlo Cracco. I find that eating well nourishes the joy of living. Just thinking about good food makes you happy. Pay attention: a gloomy day takes light from a nice well-cooked dish. If I invite friends to dinner I get ready a week before. I think about the menu, I go looking for the best vegetables, the little shop where I find the tastiest cheese, as well as meat or fish. I do not order online or over the phone. I have to see, touch, check.
Love is the secret ingredient. Even the love of a couple passes through food. I can’t imagine making love if I haven’t eaten. Seduction begins at the table: I love stealing from each other’s plates, I like enjoying food together. The erotic game begins like this. I’m not one for loveless sex.”
We often talk about female sexuality even after the age of 50. What do you think?
“What does ‘also’ mean? Sexuality is part of everyone’s life. It’s not like a person suddenly says, “Oh well, that’s enough.” Sex makes us free and joyful. It is as if one day I give up seeing, speaking or walking. It’s impossible. My joie de vivre relies heavily on mental gymnastics of the heart, because it is an emotional grace. It’s needed to keep you well, to be happy, to satisfy hormones, to stay young anyway. The unfulfilled dream of my life is to have a love story with a chef. Never happened to me, always mediocre men in the kitchen. I’ve always cooked my own food. Keeping myself entertained is the key.”
The body definitely changes for everyone. Does she lack the attention, the looks of men, or does she live this change serenely?
«But I am full of attention, of looks. Maybe they look at me because they recognized me, but they do look at me. And then I assure you that the joy of living can be seen and catalyzes the gaze”.
Many see Annamaria Bernardini de Pace as a woman of power, aggressive, distant from the person full of joy of living and sharing with others. How does she experience this conflict between how she is perceived and how she is in everyday life?
«This is an urban legend that arises from the fact that I am tenacious and determinedbut only in court. I am aggressive towards the judges and not towards the opponents. The magistrates have to solve the problems and I want to shake them up. They have an important task, that of removing people from the anguish and anger of injustice. Then I’m a free woman and free women are always seen as a kind of virago. I’m actually a sweetheart, I’ve always been a geisha, very caring towards friends. I want them to feel loved.”
It seems that in your life there is a real search for happiness: so in your opinion, happiness does not happen but must be sought?
«Of course, even in the couple. The detail is very important. That sudden caress, the right word at the right time, discovering a detail when you’re together and pointing it out. Life is made up of details: always being ready, beautiful, fragrant, smiling. Never be unpleasant in speech, in physique, in action. A scream, a reproach are details that hurt, while a smile at the right moment warms the heart and makes us forget the hassles of life. I see so many sad people who get knocked down by anything. It’s a situation that can make you sick. So I always try to improve the atmosphere. Smiling even at adversity helps you physically, not just psychologically.
So far the soul, but how does it keep the body healthy?
“If the sky fell, gymnastics three times a week wherever you find me. Do you think I have a trusted personal trainer in every city where I live or work. I do TRX (a tool made of ropes that uses gravity and the weight of the body), I use kettlebells (cast iron balls with a handle), dumbbells and rubber bands. Then I walk whenever I can.”
Do you consider prevention important?
«Every year for twenty years I have been planning a check up completoFrom blood tests to abdominal ultrasound to neck ultrasound. I undergo Doppler ultrasound and echocardiography. Luckily every time I hear “everything is fine, she looks like a girl”. I know I’m not young, but I’m convinced that all this positivity affects the body. Control yourself, however, is very important, because I’m 75 years old. The only real problem is the cortisol level, the stress hormone, because I’m very busy. I try to keep it at bay, but it’s part of my character.”
But she smoked…
«I quit smoking five years ago. It was a gesture of love towards me. It wasn’t easy and it still isn’t, but I don’t smoke anymore. Whenever I feel like a cigarette I play games on my smartphone. I get distracted and don’t think about it anymore. In particular I use a burraco app, which I am very passionate about. This way I also keep my brain trained. I already use it a lot: I write, read, talk, compare notes.
But it’s not right to become fossilized at work, we must also devote ourselves to hobbies and pastimes that allow us not to think too much. Luckily my four adored grandchildren teach me how to be contemporary and how to use technology well. This is also why I work with all young people; I have had more than 400 of them in my studio over the years. Then, as in families, they grow up and leave. But that’s right.”
Could Annamaria Bernardini de Pace ever give up her job?
“No, you think I say that I do a little work. It’s my drug, I’m always working. I don’t think I will ever retire. I love my job, I’m happy to do things for others. More than a lawyer, I’m a coroner, I do the autopsy of dead loves. People come to me with finished marriages, so you have to understand why. In this way I try to give my client the opportunity to find the joy of living again. Sometimes I turn into a marriage agency. I allow people who I think can get along well together to meet in the waiting room of my studios. It happened that relationships were born. I happened to marry a couple who met right in my office».
She has never resorted to cosmetic surgery, very popular among her peers. How did she resist her?
«I always say that I don’t like showing what others can do, I like showing what I can do. Since there’s no merit in getting a lip or cheekbone job done, I’m not doing it again. I’m not one to care too much. I apply a cream once every three days».
Was there a moment you feared for your life?
“I had surgery 13 times in my life, so I was scared 13 times. Even in these cases, however, it was the joy of living that helped me. I’ve never reveled in victimhood. I tried to get right on my feet and get back to my life soon. I never frown. I am often moved, i cry a lotbut never out of anger. It’s an emotion I don’t cultivate. When you focus on anger, you ruin your life and that of others.’