More and more autistic people are making their voices heard, the hashtag #ActuallyAutistic is raging, and institutions are slowly starting to understand that they have to listen to them. At the same time, another trend is underway that worries me a lot: if on the one hand I am happy that we are managing to raise awareness among people, on the other hand I also see self-representatives who are so angry that in their eyes there is no way to do things in the right way.
I’ll give you an example. Some time ago, a supermarket introduced “stimulus-free mornings,” hours when the music is turned off, the shelves are neatly organized, the cash registers don’t make sounds and there are no workers walking the aisles with large carts. This is with the aim of making shopping easier for autistic people, among others. Fantastic, you might think. Someone on Twitter commented: «Pfui, I find this extremely stigmatizing. Now do I have to go to the supermarket in the morning? They should always consider me! I can understand a little how things like this can irritate, we autistic people deal with ignorance every day and it’s frustrating.
On a societal level I am an idealist, on a personal level I am a pragmatist. This helps me to be happy, because anyone who focuses relentlessly on all the flaws in society, which are many, can only be extremely frustrated
I thought about it a lot and for a long time, because on the one hand I would like to advise people to take things more lightly, also learning to shrug their shoulders, on the other, in this way I feel like I’m going against my ideals. Can you shrug your shoulders and at the same time wish for things to get better? The answer is yes. The difference lies in the point of view, in framing things in a social or individual perspective. On a societal level I am an idealist, on a personal level I am a pragmatist. This helps me to be happy, because anyone who focuses relentlessly on all the flaws in society, which are many, cannot help but be extremely frustrated. Am I hiding my head in the sand? In my opinion, no. I’m writing this book. I have a blog. […]
Autistic people are different. They are simply a minority who live in a world geared towards those who have more powerful filters for stimuli. And, although I am an advocate of being considerate of others wherever possible, the interests of autistic and neurotypical people are sometimes diametrically opposed. Most people like music in the supermarket, they find it creates a pleasant atmosphere. It is not possible to set up a shop that is simultaneously with and without music, so it is necessary to designate mornings dedicated to autistic people. Or wear soundproof headphones. Or start shopping online. I have accepted the fact that I am different and have found solutions that work for me. I try to spread more awareness about autism so that the cashier doesn’t think I’m rude if I stand there wearing headphones and don’t answer her. But is that really what she’s thinking? At that point she shrugged. It’s her problem, not mine.
It’s nice when people understand you, but it’s not always essential. Live your life, make your choices and make them for yourself. That’s fine
So, my dear fellow autistics who are reading my book: please choose your battles well. Do it for your serenity, for your happiness. Keep in mind that many people know very little about autism and that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with who you are. Let them read this book if they are interested, and if they are not, do the same. It’s nice when people understand you, but it’s not always essential. Live your life, make your choices and make them for yourself. That’s fine.
The passage we are publishing is taken from «But you don’t seem autistic», by Bianca Toeps, published in Italy by Il Margine. Photo from the press office.
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