A Friend Thing – Dan Savage

Dear Readers: There aren’t any this week, so we’re reposting a question / answer that was successful a few years ago. This column first appeared at the end of June 2018. I’ll be back next week with a whole new column.

And

Warning. The language of this column is direct and explicit.

I am a 24 year old straight who has recently ended a relationship that has lasted more than four years. One of the reasons my ex and I broke up was a general lack of sexual compatibility. She, in particular, had an aversion to oral sex, both practiced and received. In the whole time we were together, she never gave me a blow job. Which brings me to why I’m writing to you: one of my closest friends, Sam, is gay. Shortly after I broke up, I found myself talking to him about missing oral sex, and Sam said he was willing to “help” me. I accepted, and he gave me a sensational blowjob. I was pleased to receive it, and I was not at all inhibited by the idea that it was a man sucking it. Since then, Sam has given me three more blowjobs. The problem is that I’m starting to feel guilty and I’m afraid to exploit it. He is really a dear friend, and I wouldn’t want this unbalanced sexual situation to harm our relationship. Sam knows that I don’t like men and that he will never reciprocate, and I feel like I’m being unfair to him. But they are literally the first blowjobs I get since I was a teenager. What should I do?

– Totally Have Reservations Over Advantage Taking

Only one person knows what Sam thinks of this “unbalanced sexual situation”, THROAT, and that person is not me. It’s Sam. Widening the shot a little: people are constantly asking me what the person they fuck or fist with or whip thinks. There are men who ask me why a woman has disappeared without warning, and women who want to know if their boyfriend is secretly gay. Although I am happy to speculate, I do not have the ability to read minds. Which means I can’t know for sure why that woman went missing, or if the boyfriend in question is gay, or – coming to your case, THROAT – what Sam thinks of the four unrequited blowjobs he gave you. Only Sam knows.

And that’s why, THROAT, I answered you privately asking for Sam’s contact. As it was evident that you were afraid to ask him yourself (probably for fear of the blowjobs ending), I offered to do it for you. It wasn’t a serious proposition, but just a way of saying “you have to ask Sam”. But you sent me Sam’s contact, and within a few minutes I found myself chatting with him.

“That’s right, I suck my straight friend’s dick,” Sam replied. “And I’m flattered that he told you I’m good. It’s a shot of self-esteem! ”. Like THROAT, Sam is also twenty-four years old. He grew up on the east coast, and he and THROAT have known each other since college. Sam did coming out with his friends at the end of his freshman year and today he lives in a big city where, when he’s not sucking it at THROAT, he works in marketing.

My first question to Sam: Are you one of those gays who get excited about satisfying straight males? “I’ve never done anything with a straight guy in my life,” replies Sam, “so no, I’m not a person who gets excited about satisfying straight males. Until now I had only had sex with gay men ”.

So why offer to suck THROAT? “Before he and his girlfriend broke up, I didn’t know she never gave him a blow job, and they were together for four years!” Explains Sam. “When I told him I would be happy to help him, I was joking. I didn’t want to hit it off with a straight friend, I swear. But then there was a long silence, after which he became serious and told me that he would like him. For a moment I wondered if it wouldn’t be a little weird to give a friend a blowjob, and it must be said that we both took a while to convince each other that we meant it. When he started undressing, I thought, ‘Ah, then this is really going to happen.’ After that, there was no embarrassment. In fact, we immediately started joking with it. Since then I have sucked him four more times ”.

For those who were doing the math from home: either THROAT lost count of the times Sam sucked it – THROAT says that Sam, after the first blowjob, sucked it three more times – or he got a fifth blowjob in the short time that passed from when he wrote me to when he put me in touch with Sam.

And does Sam have this unbalanced sexual situation – sucking a straight guy’s cock who will never suck it – bothering him?

“I understand that it can be defined as an unbalanced sexual situation,” replies Sam, “but it doesn’t cause me problems. I like giving blowjobs a lot, and I really enjoy giving them to him. He has a very nice bird! From my point of view, we both enjoy it. I admit that every time, after I sucked it off, I jerked myself into second thoughts. And I know – but I know now – that he finds it a little unfair to me. But I don’t think so at all ”.

In short, Sam also gains something. You take home a blow job, THROAT, and Sam a keepsake for his handjob archive. Besides, Sam knows that at some point he will be left with only the memories.

“Sooner or later he will get back with a woman and our ‘situation’ will end,” he explains. “I just hope that in the future there will be no embarrassment between us for what has been happening for a few weeks now”.

I have one last question left: Sam is great at sucking cock – his blowjobs are “sensational” – but is THROAT good at getting sucked too? As any experienced cocksucker knows, there are also those who get sucked is bad: they just lie there / stand / sit there, without giving any kind of signal, or are too aggressive, or not enough, and so on.

“Great question,” replies Sam. “I have to say that she is doing very well. She is very sympathetic, she moans, she tells you how much he likes her, plus it lasts longer. This is also why sucking him is so much fun ”.

Dear readers: here I am again. THROAT’s letter received a lot of responses. The following appeared in the following week’s column.

Dan, you posted a letter from a gay guy (Sam) giving blowjob to a straight friend of his. Sam said he’s never done this before, and that the idea of ​​”satisfying straight males” doesn’t excite him. I am a gay who likes to suck straight males and I wanted to add my point of view. I don’t try to “convert them”. I simply find straight people are less emotionally complicated than most gays. The bird is the thing a man is most proud of. He likes that he is admired, especially if like many heterosexuals he doesn’t often get comments from women about it. I do very well with blowjobs, and pleasing a man amuses me a lot. I love to do what makes others happy, and sucking a dick is a highly regarded thing. There is a man I have known for about twenty years, and after many years of hiatus he now wants to see me again. I am not looking for a relationship. I don’t feel like having to think for two and adapt my plans. Already it is difficult to do it for myself. I prefer a friendship with some sucking every now and then. These men can trust me because I am always very clear. I never take advantage of them, even when they’re drunk. I am pleased to satisfy them and enjoy their trust. As for the big question that everyone asks me: “Do you ever feel alone?”. The answer is no. I have a lot of friends and a lot of interests and hobbies. Plus, I suck a few birds from time to time.

–Whatever Acronym Works

Like most gays, WAW, you are a little bit emotionally complicated too. You don’t want a relationship, and that, mind you, is fine. Not everyone wants to end up as a couple, a trio, or a quartet, and it is nowhere written that a person should want to. The reason you seek out straight men, however, is not that they are emotionally less complicated (they are not), but because a straight male will never have a romantic interest in you, and consequently will not ask you to commit or put in the foreground her needs and feelings as a boyfriend would. So the point, WAW, is not that all straight people who suck it are free from emotional complications, but that your emotional complications are so compatible with theirs that you can momentarily forget that you have them.

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Dear readers: It’s still me, Dan. Some of you may be wondering what happened between THROAT and Sam. Have blowjobs hit double digits? Did THROAT ever get engaged? Did any embarrassments arise? I would have asked for updates – I’m curious too – but not having an archive of the emails I could not make up for it. But if you are there, THROAT, and if you read me, please send us an update. And you too, Sam.

And

(Translation by Matteo Colombo)