THE Orangutan FEMALE does not abandon her cubs until they are six or seven years old. The polar bear, which typically gives birth to twin cubs, rears them until the age of two, using body heat to keep them warm. The emperor penguin mother after laying the egg leaves it to the male, who protects it.
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by Elena Bozzola
In the animal kingdom, these are some of the species that stand out for having a big mom heart. A feature that unites them to humans who tend – especially in some European countries including Italy – to take care of their children longer and longer, as they also told a few years ago Lena Greiner and Carola Padtberg, in the book Helicopter parents which speaks of those mothers and fathers who accompany their children to adulthood without letting them walk alone and take responsibility for their actions. And the statistics show the consequences of this form of prolonged care. According to the latest Eurostat data, in fact, young Italians leave home on average only at the age of 30. And the parenting profession continues longer and longer, delaying the moment when children become independent.
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A good habit? Not really, because – according to the most recent studies – protecting children too much can have counterproductive effects and make them more vulnerable to anxiety-depressive spectrum disorders. This is also demonstrated by an Italian study conducted by the European University of Rome in collaboration with the University of Turin and published in the Journal of Affective Disorders.
The overprotection that hurts
“Growing scientific evidence shows the relationship between parental overprotection and the tendency to have mental disorders in adult life”, explains Benedetto Farina, Professor of Clinical Psychology at the European University of Rome: “We wanted to verify this trend and so in about three hundred university students we evaluated the relationship between how they perceived the care received by their parents and the scores on the assessment scales for anxiety and depression “.
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Anxiety and depression
It turned out that the boys with the scores of anxiety and depression higher were those who remembered their parents as being overly protective. The question remains why caring behavior can have such a negative effect. “It is still difficult to say – he explains Farina– We can assume that parents who over-protect their children are anxious or very worried, if not frightened for them. And many studies show that frightened parents while taking care of their children can cause emotional frailties that manifest themselves with mental disorders in all ages “.
In short, an anxious and frightened parent, even if involuntarily, conveys to the children the idea that they are fragile or that the world is very dangerous, or both. “Furthermore – adds the psychologist – by protecting them excessively, these parents do not allow their children to develop their autonomy in the face of the challenges of life and this can determine a vulnerability that is also evident on a neurobiological level with abnormal activations of stress hormones such as corticosteroids. “.
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Parents unaware of the problem
There are currently no data to establish which of the parents is the most overprotective: “We must remember, however, that the mother has a much more important role in the relationship of caring for the children. The first experimental data confirm this conjecture. It is also logical to think that on an only child can focus the frightened attentions of the parents more, but even on this aspect there are currently insufficient data to prove it “, specifies the expert.
It would therefore be important to realize that a child is being over-protected. But, adds the expert: “It is very difficult since a parent is usually not aware of what he determines, especially because he finds his anxieties and fears justified. It is certainly important to supervise the children in the different stages of their growth to prevent them from becoming in danger, but blocking its free exploration or constantly sending threatening messages is detrimental “, he clarifies Farina.
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Help them explore
Indeed, we should constantly ask ourselves how much protective activity we put in place towards our children is really necessary for their safety and how much it is necessary to make us feel reassured as parents. “Blocking the exploration of a child may make us feel calmer, but we must understand that we are harming him. The help of the other parent, if he is less scared or anxious, is obviously essential,” adds the expert.
In the digital age in which we raise children today, overprotection would seem to be more difficult: we can keep them locked up at home and perhaps prevent them from hanging out with bad people, but then from the smartphone they can do what they want and leave even the most parents out of the game. digitized. “Yes, it is true, but every age brings with it its threats and the parent’s task in dosing protection and freedom is always the same”, concludes Farina.
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Fear of fear
The consequences of excessive parental protection can go far beyond so much so that the most recent scientific literature considers it a form of child maltreatment which, like abuse or neglect, can cause psychological damage that is also evident at a neurobiological level. “For child maltreatment and abuse – he explains Benedetto Farina – we mean all forms of harmful and threatening acts towards children who, by their nature, are fragile and often defenseless “.
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The fact is that, explains the expert: “A frightened parent becomes frightening and therefore involuntarily threatening. Imagine seeing a flight attendant with a terrified face during a turbulence: wouldn’t that be frightening for the passengers?”.
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Furthermore, precisely because parents are the primary, and sometimes the only, source of protection, a child with a frightened parent will be faced with a threatening condition with no way out: “This generates real traumatic experiences that the children are they will carry around for a long time. “
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